Or is my child minder?

[TensionWheelsCoolHeels]

Background 1st. I currently use a CM to pick my DD up from school. Our contract stipulates I pay weekly, in advance, every Monday. As I get tax credits towards childcare, I choose to pay 4weekly. The money is in CM a/c for the Monday it's due, and covers the next 4 weeks.

My current budget is significantly down due to my ex being unemployed and maintenance is currently £5 per week. I've lost £180 per month from maintenance, and the £80 I pay towards childcare (out with tax credits) is stretching me to my limits, but I make sure CM gets the bulk of her money up front, and the last week follows when I get child benefit. The timing of payments just don't match up, but I've no other money I can use instead to give her 4wks instead of 3.

Anyway, tonight CM said she didn't want to mention to me but my 2nd payment hasn't come through and she had bills to pay so wanted me to get the payment to her. I reminded her I'd told her last week that I was waiting on money coming into my a/c and as soon as it was in, I'd put the payment through. My CB won't be in my a/c til Tuesday do she'll likely get it by Thursday/Friday at the latest.

I've been stewing a bit since I got in because it niggled me that she felt the need to say anything. I'm actually paid up until the end of next week, with the last week's payment not due until a week on Monday. I feel shit enough as it is right now as I'm walking to/from work (no money for bus fare) and eating bland pasta to keep me going til I get paid. I guess she's got used to me paying in 1 lump sum, and felt entitled to remind me, but it's pissed me off as being as skint as I am is bad enough without being pulled up for non-payment when I'm well up-to-date but struggling with money in general.

So, am I BU to be peeved at being 'reminded' that she's got bills to pay and asking for the money nearly 2wks before its actually due? Or is the fact that until 2 mths ago I paid 4 wkly and she's entitled to remind me she has bills to pay?

That would piss me off tbh. You are already doing one better than the arrangement you have in terms of when you pay her. But - you have set a president of paying for a month at a time and she has clearly come to rely on that for her own outgoings. Perhaps it would be better all round if you went back to the original plan and pay weekly for a week in advance so this can be avoided in future?

As long as the money is with her in the time scale stipulated in the contract YANBU. It might be worth going through the contract with dates and amounts just to clear up any potential misunderstanding.

I was about to say how about going back to the week in advance, which would help you to manage your cash flow, too?

I'd be quite irritated by that. Irritated enough to revert to what the contract says and start paying only one week in advance again!

YABU to be so worked up about it.
Clearly if you have always paid her this way in the past, she is likely to expect that this will be the case.
You should politely remind her that you don't in fact have to pay anything for a little while... this should set her straight.

Maybe she's had an unexpected expense and is utterly skint herself and just desperately trying to stay afloat, and hoped you might have her money. She could have been crying inside when you said you don't have it yet and not want you to know been there done that

I agree with Baby, just explain that as money is tight you want to pay weekly as agreed in the contract. She is BU.

OP I would email - apologise if you were relying on my payments a month in advance but due to change in circumstances I will be paying weekly in advance as per our contract.
Not sure if childminders usually paid in advance? How much notice do you both have to give?

Thanks for the replies. I've tried explaining things to her re how I'm fixed but she's the sort who rarely actually listens iyswim. I might send an email, that way it's written down and she can't then 'forget' what I've actually told her.

hi op. I was a cm. you both need to sit down and go through the contract to see what was agreed. you may feel you are both right and need to clarify.

just to add,

I am sure you have the best intentions but I don't know a CM yet ,including myself ,that hasn't been paid late, not paid, cheated and lied to about payments by at least one parent so it does make you slightly worried and apt to mistrust everyone.

yes childminders are nearly always paid in advance as there are many cases of parents using a months child care and then fucking off and not paying so you have to write it off or go to the small claims court.

sad but true.

I would go back to doing what it says in your contract. If money is tight for you I wouldn't want to tie up a few weeks money in case you need it.

There's also the change that if the CM decides to stop child minding you might have trouble getting your money back especially if you're paying more than is stipulated in the contract.

see the contract is a legal document and when I minded I got the parents who choose my services to come around to go through it line by line NO KIDS around so usually in the evening to make sure everyone was happy and understood responsibilities on BOTH sides.

Another one who agrees with reverting back to paying when you're contractually obliged to pay. If you pay in advance because it helps you budget, just take it out in cash as soon as you receive it, put it separate envelopes, then hand one to her every Monday.

TBH, I'd be more concerned that I had a childminder who I couldn't communicate well with. she's the sort who rarely listens doesn't sound good.

You need to talk and perhaps change your contract. If its agreed how you pay and you are late with that agreement (whether in credit or not) its understandable that she is reminding you.
If she rarely listens then that is worrying.