..to think that you shouldn't moan about DH's short paternity leave if you're spending £800 on a bleedin' pram?

[QueenArseClangers]

On another parent oriented website the Mum's Due board that I lurk on seems to be full of women who are upset about their DH's not having much leave when baby is here and themselves worried about not being able to take as much mat leave due to finances. These ladies are the same ones who seem to be bragging about splashing out on 'essentials' like prams that are a best part of a grand, nursery furniture that costs more than my car and all sorts of overpriced shite.
I'm on baby number 5 and, fair enough, have a carseat, some clothes and a second hand bedside cot (not to mention my trusty norks) and do see the desire to get nice shiny new things for baby.
Surely though, £3000+? That could provide for DH/Mum to have a few extra weeks off with enough to pay for baby bits? Or even postnatal Doula support/meals on wheels/Lactation consultant support?
Gah!

Well the money could pay for those things but you have to know about them and see the benefit. The pram manufacturers' marketing has done the job already on the £800 pram.

As for longer paternity leave that would be great, but most companies won't give a day more than statutory and time in this case doesn't equal money.

Yanbu.

I had a similar conversation with a group of mums at playgroup, we all have bugaboos ( the weather here is very snowy in tge winter so you need a fairly robust pram but there are other options other than the bugaboo) they cost 1000 pounds+ here ds's grandma bought us ours I would not spend that much on a pram

We were comparing parental leave with the cost of a bugaboo and we were saying how much we would prefer an extra 2 weeks with our dp's at home than a posh pushchair. I think when your pregnant the material things seem to really matter but once tge baby is born many people realise that the only really important thing is time with your baby ( after food and warmth)

Apart from tge posh pushchair which was a gift we have very basic baby equipment, we have a secondhand cot and we change ds's nappy on tge floor,we have a secondhand highchair and old toys but are going to drag out our parental leave so that ds doesn't start daycare till he is nearly 2. I'd love to have the money to have both posh baby stuff and lots of time with my ds but if I can only choose 1 time with my ds is more important to me.

We've just bought the pushchair etc for our daughter's first baby. I don't think that our son in law could afford lots of unpaid leave and his job doesn't really make it easy in other ways.

Not everything is what it first appears to be.

I really don't get why the two things are related.

I was quite lucky if you look at it from a certain perspective - my DH lost his job several years ago due to MH issues so we had no worries about PL. OTOH, we were stony broke while I was on Mat leave. Food bank and everything. We borrowed a co-sleeper crib for the first 4 months. My mum bought the cot bed (store display model so it was cheap) ditto the pushchair. Obviously I was lucky to have someone to help with this but it also meant I had no say in what I got - it was that or wait & see if anything better was available in a charity shop. We relied heavily on a sling in the early months, before we got the pushchair, sling was £2 at the car boot.

YABU.

And why don't you tell them what you think if it bothers you?

YANBU if I have interpreted what you are saying right.

I think you mean the women are fed up with their husbands not taking off as much time as they might have been entitled to, or having to go back in order to keep the money coming in, while themselves overspending.

DH and I are both self-employed so for us time off comes at our personal cost, albeit of course I get MA.

If it was the employers they are moaning about then probably it's fair enough.

New parents will have to navigate themselves through what is marketed as essential and what actually is essential,its a rite of passage. You are on baby number five OP you have experience.

And to the poster who said the donkey is the only rear facing double,that's not true. Lots of doubles do one or both rear facing.

YANBU....we have a first time mum to be in the office and she's going to bankrupt herself buying top of the range stuff as well as all sorts of crap she doesn't need. But at the same time she talks about how she can't afford to take too long off work! A few of us have gently hinted that you don't need to buy every single item in The John Lewis baby dept or even buy everything brand new but she just won't hear us. I get that she's excited and remember being that like myself first time round but she doesn't seem to be able to work out that spending a bit less of perfectly adequate stuff would mean she could stay at home for longer.

Here's my take on it.

1. I tell any expectant mother who asks my advice that the one thing I would never skimp on is the pushchair. A pram that is pleasant to push and good through the first year was a massive boon to me. I think getting out and about every day is, for many people, essential to mental health as a new parent. For me, as an urban parent (albeit most of my mat leave was in winter) having a pushchair I really liked, in terms of comfort, aided that. Living on a first floor flat, the need was even more acute. If I'd had a heavy to push, bumpy, uncomfortable height pushchair going out would have been a less attractive proposition. As it was, a 90 minute walk in January with motion-addict DS was quite enjoyable.

1. I think Maclarens are overrated, overhyped and uncomfortable, and I'm so bored of people banging on about them on MN. Fine for a nursery buggy, but not as main pushchair while on mat leave. They are not God's gift to pramdom.

1. Slings aren't for every parent or every child. I loved my Moby wrap. Beyond 5 weeks, DS did not.

1. I'm my family's main breadwinner. When my (generous) paid maternity leave and accrued holidays were up, I was back to work. This also ensured my job was kept open for me. We were able to afford for my husband to take 3 months' additional paternity leave but the finances just didn't make sense the other way. The cost of even the most expensive pram in the shop would have made extremely little difference to the leave I was able to afford, even if my parents hadn't bought our pram for us. I'm lucky to earn a good wage, but this was the trade off.

1. You come across as very smug about your superiority over anyone whose lifestyle and choices differ from yours.

Just realised that post sounds as if we're all ganging up on our colleague...we're really not! But it is sometimes hard to bite your tongue when with one breath she's talking about the next baby gadget she's buying and in the next she's upset about having to come back to work too soon

Oh, and sorry, 6: Paternity leave is a huge red herring on your argument, but others have answered that point nicely.

Maybe it's just none of your business? #justsaying

If we all kept our opinions to ourselves this forum would be reaaally boring!

My parents bought our pram and cotbed. Both were expensive but lasted through both children. How do you know how they fund purchases?

My parents bought our pram and cotbed. Both were expensive but lasted through both children. How do you know how they fund purchases?

My friends with cars and driving licences found my sturdy 3 in 1 pram-cum-buggy totally exaggerated and didn't understand why I couldn't make do with a light buggy and a car seat like they did. But that pram didn't just do the work of their buggy: it also did the work of their car. I walked everywhere to save bus fairs, travelled on the train to relatives, took dd for long walks in the country with it and used the undercarriage for our weekly shop. And used it as a travelling cot when visiting grandparents.

I really think it was the most economical buggy-car-shopping trolley-travelling cot we could have bought.

And I bet they have a fucking huge telly as well. And eat chips. Silly billies.

personally I thought three days off for dh was too much time. I preferred having my mom there.

A good, easy to manoeuvre pram that suits your needs and enables you to get out and about is really important, as others have said.

Maybe more important than having DH at home for longer, perhaps

I love the comment "You've got a touch of the Jamie Oliver's about you"

I bet cheesy chip stains don't scrub out well on a bugaboo ;-)
Like I said before my main gripe I suppose really is with the pushing of mega expensive items that are pushed upon new parents as essentials. Nothing wrong with buying what you like for quality/longevity/just because you want to but then not seeing that by economising a wee bit you could afford more 'valuable' less tangible things.
Just off to hoik my judgy pants to.armpit level :-)

I had a very expensive pram 14 years ago for dd1. My parents bought it.

Pram snobbery at it's best. You have to laugh. We picked ours so it fitted in the car. Simple

Paternity leave is a joke in reality. I actually booked two weeks leave when my kids were born.

If they are moaning that their partners are not taking as much leave as they COULD because of finances then YANBU. They need to work out what their priorities are £800 new pram and partner going back to work early to pay for it, or £300 pram and partner able to stay home and help out a bit longer. Some first time mums have the ability to see that not EVERYTHING has to be new. Or the sense to go out and find cheaper alternatives. I found brand new nursery sets from a local shop being sold off from mothercare as they were the last of finished lines. Would have been £1200, I paid £395.

Aw, thanks Chunderella. I get a bit evangelical about Buy The PramThat's Right For You, And Ignore The Armchair Experts.