in thinking this was a bit of bitchy comment?

[WestieMamma]

Or am I just overtired and oversensitive? (This happened on Sunday)

DH was talking to MIL on skype. DH told her he was working away from home this week. She asked if he was back at work on Monday. He said no, that he was taking a week of parental leave because I'd be tired and need a break after being on my own with DS for a week. MIL did this weird intake of breath/tut thing she does which has all the disapproval of a cats bum face with knobs on and said 'Well I suppose it's nice if you can do it. It certainly wasn't an option when you were little.' It completely floored me as she always acts so concerned and caring to my face, but she forgets I can hear what she says when she's on Skype. I feel so upset, especially taking into account:

1. I live abroad and have no family or friends around me, unlike when DH was a baby when MIL had her mum and her aunt living in the same road and helping her every day.

1. I'm almost 20 years older than she was when DH was born.

1. I have AS and so find daily living harder than most people.

1. Despite DS being 4 months old, I am still in complete and utter agony with PGP. I can't sleep at night because of the pain and lifting and carrying DS brings me to tears.

1. DS is a bit of a velcro baby and because of #4 a sling is not an option so getting anything done in the day is nigh on impossible.

and last but by no means least:

1. In the 4 months since DS was born I've had MIL and FIL to stay for 2 weeks, my mum and nephew to stay for 2 weeks, my sister and husband to stay for a week, MIL and SIL for a long weekend, my friend to stay for 2 weeks and MIL and FIL are back again at the end of September.

I'm absolutely knackered.

My mum is always making comments like that. I don't think it is intentionally bitchy, but shows a certain envy possibly. I'd forget about it and move on.

Sounds like she's jealous that you have that option and that your DH is willing to do it. Many older generation women often say that their husbands would never dream of doing such a thing.

I'd just ignore it.

My MIL says things like this. Its just jealousy that today's fathers play a more active role. I love my MIL but I did have to point out that her saying she did everything and how wonderful she is is completely at odds with the stories she tells of times my DH and BIL were causing such a fuss she just about fed baby BIL and let DH just help himself to biscuits instead of giving him food. But her house was spotless and she had dinner on the table right? I think she's finally realised we may have different priorities.

My MIL does this All The Time. When I was pg with #4, I was very poorly to the point of being bed-bound for a lot of the time. DH arranged with his boss that he could work from home 3 days a week so I only had to worry about the school run and being on my own with the other 3 dc for the other 2 days. Brilliant arrangement, saved my sanity and suited everyone. Apart from MIL who insisted DH would lose his job over it and was absolutely vile to me. I still refuse to be on my own with her because of the ridiculously spiteful things she says to me when DH isn't listening.

Sorry, I waffled a bit there. Yes I think it probably was a bitchy comment but there's not much you can do other than ignore it and remember that you have your husband's support.

I would also say it's a generational thing. In her baby raising days a father taking leave to help care for a baby probably wasn't common, there wouldn't have been paternity leave. If she is normally supportive I would try not to take it to heart.

Not bitchy.
Not two- faced.
Not very sympathetic. And a bit dismissive. But maybe she might have really appreciated some help when her DS was small and parental leave obviously didn't exist. Some things were harder for our mothers and MILs.

I was feeling hard done by at having to return to work after a year of mat leave .
Then a (few yrs older than me) friend pointed out that three months ml was common for working women when she had her DCs thirty yrs ago

My MIL makes comments like this but to my face. She is a tad jealous that DH actually helps out! FIL is a lazy arse and never helped with any "women's work" - his words!

We have recently moved abroad and DH moved 3 months before me and DD. I had a conversation with MIL prior to him going saying how tough it would be being without him for 3 months, still working shifts and doing everything around the house and with DD alone. All I got in response was that she had coped for a year on her own, phone calls were too expensive to have all the time then, DH was a difficult child blah blah blah as to why it was harder for her. Not exactly helpful! She actually said to me to suck it up and get on with it! Iwasn't even complaining just discussing it! She phoned every few weeks while he was away to check that I was "coping ok". It made me really angry with her.

Wow that turned in to a rant! Just ignore her. Your DH is doing what is best for his family, it's none of her business.

That's true about mat leave, but then most women just left work when the baby was due with no intention of going back so I suppose there was no need for it (though, chicken and egg obviously). I think a lot of grandparents take this line - how intentional the criticism is depends on the individual! My MIL gave me a speech the other day (after her husband had really upset me with some critical comments) about how the older generation do get stuck in their ways, which I THOUGHT was the start of an apology but was just a prelude to her saying that people in their 30s think they know it all and they don't. I was pretty at that.

As well as what everyone else said, people forget what the first months of having a new baby is like. When I was pregnant, for example, my mum told me I'd have plenty if time to learn how to sew when the baby was born because it would sleep a lot. To be fair, I can't remember much of what it was like when either of my kids were tiny and my youngest is only 2!