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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have told DH he needs to have a word with MIL.(maybe long)

34 replies

OctopusPete8 · 11/09/2013 10:40

To start with MIL is a very helpful person, always helps with the kids when she can, even in between shifts at work, often more than I imagine others would.
However, she is a bit lacking in basic manners always has been, talks over you, interrupts constantly, never rings before a visit just turns up, v. argumentative, is generally loud and if I leave the door unlocked she will just walk in without knocking.
She's v. quiet aswell so sometimes in in my front room with a cuppa and a turn around and she's there I'm like WTF!!!!.Shock

. . . .
Yesterday, ..this is gonna be TMI/period related.
I had major leakage in white pyjama pants, didn't notice till after giving the kids breakfast.
I went into my room fast and I just heard the top gate click , she was upstairs in he house.
I had to literally sit on my chair infront of my vanity table and pretend I was putting make up on :/, She was yabbering away bless her and I'm thinking its getting worse.
And of course I had to move to get my dressing gown, of course going to the bathroom meant going past them, of course my bedroom has no lock so she walks in and out and of course FIL was there Sad Blush

I don't think it was meant with any malice, or ever is I think its in the nicest sense of the word ignorance.

. . . .
I said to DH last night, "you're gonna have to have a word with your mum about knocking" he doesn't know all the details.

his response was, less than supportive,
I should lock the door.
'Well what time was it?'
Because DMIL is up and ready for work v. early.

And then said 'Oh alright Ill talk to her ' and sulked off like I was being unresonable.
Not to drip feed, but I am worried about causing an argument like I said is v. argumentative etc makes mountains out of molehills.

AIBU?

OP posts:
CMOTDibbler · 11/09/2013 10:44

Lock the door and leave the chain on if she has a key. If she comments, say you've realised if she can come in without you noticing, anyone could and take your bag.

TheBigJessie · 11/09/2013 10:47

You are not being unreasonable!!!!!

Solution 1) Get your husband to actually lay down the laws of politeness.

If he will not, and you don't feel able to broach the subject, then the other solution is to keep the door locked.

As I appreciate it's very difficult to break a habit, why not get a chain fitted on the front door, and claim it's for security reasons? And keep the chain on at all times. It'll be a nice new gadget, and you can hopefully get into good habits.

OctopusPete8 · 11/09/2013 10:48

No chain unfortunately, no no key I wouldn't allow it.

Also to add the PIL's all remained blissfully unaware of my impending ladytimeriver Shock

Good Idea CMOT.

OP posts:
pudcat · 11/09/2013 10:49

Lock your doors, you never know who is about. If your MIL can walk in unnoticed so can a thief. This happened to my cousin, she had her bag and phone taken. She didn't realise for hours until she wondered where her phone was.

OctopusPete8 · 11/09/2013 10:51

I fully appreciate that point, the door had been a bit jarred so I had been leaving it unlocked unless out/night.

OP posts:
HitTheNorth · 11/09/2013 10:52

I always keep my doors locked for this reason! Ex Mil used to open the letterbox and shout through though! And the front door opens straight into the living room. Luckily we didn't do much shagging on the floor, but still. I wonder if it would have put her off if she had got an eyefull??

eurochick · 11/09/2013 10:56

Your PIL should not be letting themselves in, but I don't understand why you couldn't have said to MIL "sorry I need to run to the bathroom - time of the month" or whatever.

OctopusPete8 · 11/09/2013 11:03

Some people would feel comfortable with a quiet , discreet , demure mother in law, who would act with discretion, I don't have these things :/.-eurochick

Haha, maybe it would - Hitthenorth

thanks for replies if I've missed any.

OP posts:
steppemum · 11/09/2013 11:05

If the door is locked at night, then don't unlock it until you leave for school or whatever. If you do go out, lock it again. That way they have to ring/knock and you can just say it was still locked form the night.

I think I would make the point about upstairs though, it wasn't just your MIL it was also FIL. As k dh to have a word and say until we are all dressed and downstairs, really would appreciate it if you didn't come upstairs while we are still getting dressed/shower etc.

If she then comes upstairs, use the same phrase 'Oh MIL I am not dressed yet, just about to shower''

Dh can always frame it as ''dw is embarrassed and doesn't want to say because you have been so good, but ...''

HavantGuard · 11/09/2013 11:06

CutMyOwnThroat is right. If you don't hear her coming in anyone could walk in and grab your bag, cash, car keys ...

OctopusPete8 · 11/09/2013 11:19

we live in a flat we are all upstairs.

OP posts:
mercibucket · 11/09/2013 11:23

just get a chain on the door, its a good habit to get into anyhow for security. you can fit it yourself in 5 minutes

HavantGuard · 11/09/2013 11:25

Well of you're above a shop and not in a block you're secure. Except for your ILs. Locking the door seems a lot simpler that having your DH talk to his mother.

OctopusPete8 · 11/09/2013 11:31

the consensus seems to be I'm being U, the door is locked atm anyhoo.

OP posts:
steppemum · 11/09/2013 11:34

actually, op I think the consensus is that you shouldn't have to put up with MIL and FIL wandering in and out when you are not comfortable. I think people were just giving you suggestions of ways of stopping it without causing a family row.

If none of them are possible then i would get dh to talk to MIL. Smile

WilsonFrickett · 11/09/2013 11:39

True story: there has been a real spate of thieves walking quietly into houses, picking up car keys, walking away again and stealing the car.

Even if you don't have a car, tell her you've heard this and it's freaked you out a little so you'll be locking the door in future.

And, you know, it has the benefit of being true, you should be keeping your door locked. Phone, ipad, laptop could all be gone in one minute, I watched a police camera action thing about it the other day

HavantGuard · 11/09/2013 11:40

Yes, you're not being at all unreasonable about not liking them wandering into your home.

DontmindifIdo · 11/09/2013 11:44

Yep, door locked. If she says anything, just say you've heard there's been a few burglaries in the area recently.

TheBigJessie · 11/09/2013 12:05

We don't think you're unreasonable.

It's just... if it was as simple as speaking to her about it, you'd have
a) done it already, or;
b) she would be the kind of person who wouldn't just barge in!

Therefore you're in need of practical solutions, given her insouciance is unlikely to be easily changeable!

OctopusPete8 · 11/09/2013 12:20

Thanks I think I just needed some reassurance cuz' I was made to feel unreasonable.

DH said "well what time was it?" I was like wtaf? If I wander round at fucking noon in my pj's who's business is that of anyone elses.

OP posts:
HavantGuard · 11/09/2013 12:54

Did you not know you're only allowed menstrual emergencies before 8am Grin

SeaSickSal · 11/09/2013 13:46

YANBU about the knocking.

YABU to sit bleeding on your vanity chair, why didn't you just say 'scuse me emergency' and walk past, the woman's had periods she'll understand.

OctopusPete8 · 11/09/2013 13:46

I didnt get that memo! that's where I went wrong :O

it was like 9am FTR.

OP posts:
eatriskier · 11/09/2013 14:12

TBH I don't think YABU. I think your DH IBU for not seeing how irritating that is. But if you don't want to rock the boat you are going to have to make changes as suggested by other posters. I think you ILs do need to be told they should not be letting themselves into other people's houses, doors unlocked or otherwise.

OctopusPete8 · 11/09/2013 14:19

Hmm yes my dilemma , if the door is locked she just brays & brays and sometimes wakes my youngest up.

OP posts:
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