Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To think it's NOT ok to use a photo of someone's child without asking them first?

57 replies

chicaguapa · 11/09/2013 07:34

I looked at a photography website last night and was to see a photo of my DC on it, twice. Not even from a photo shoot, but taken on a day out with the person who owns the website.

AIBU to have expected to have been asked if it was ok to put DC on Facebook the website, or at the very minimum have been told it was there?

I no longer speak to this person as we fell out over a year ago over internet safety issues on Facebook.

Apart from the safety issues, is it not common courtesy to ask parents to use their DC's photos for promotional purposes?

OP posts:

Scholes34 · 11/09/2013 09:24

Has the issue of the use of the inappropriate use of the photo been skewed by the fact that you've fallen out with the photographer?

Amibambini · 11/09/2013 09:34

I worked for a local newspaper taking those pictures of the kids that get printed with their full names. Having the full names is a way of ensuring you had the parents verbal permission to use the pic. Images taken out in a public space that are deemed 'newsworthy', don't need any consent but with kids it was more of a courtesy thing, and in case the kid was under a protection order and really, really shouldn't be identified.

Apols for hand wringy and any offence caused, but really, those NSCCP child protection guidelines linked to by the OP, they are a bit hysterical and fear mongering. If everyone took them seriously and followed them down to the line there would be no pictures of anyone under the age of 18 out there, ever. No pictures on Facebook, no pictures of kids used in advertising, shit, don't even leave the house because there might be some sweaty weirdo in the bushes with a long lens trained on your kid.

I have photographed countless child-centric public events for press and PR. I never submit any pictures without having spoken to the parents. I don't do this because its legally required, but because it puts everyone's minds at ease and its the polite, respectful way to do things. However, this doesn't stop the odd few anxiety-bomb parents coming up to me and having a right go about being in a public space around kids with my big scary camera. I just smile and explain why I'm there and promise to not take any pictures of their potato-shaped sproglets.

But really, the risk involved in having a picture of your kid goofing around in the park, out there on the web, being picked up by a weirdo and manipulated into something awful, is pretty minimal. There is a risk of a car mounting the pavement and running into you when you are innocently walking to school, but that doesn't stop people walking to school, along potentially risky pavements. And this is just my opinion here, but if a child is at risk of grooming, aren't there a host of other factors involved with a child's vulnerability to this behaviour?

Of course parents are right to be mindful and aware of their child's digital footprint, however I just feel that perspective can easily be lost around this issue, mainly due to a fear mongering, paedo-obsessed trash media along with some peculiarly anxious and slightly prudish elements of Anglo-American parenting attitudes.

Original poster

chicaguapa · 11/09/2013 09:57

Has the issue of the use of the inappropriate use of the photo been skewed by the fact that you've fallen out with the photographer?

No it hasn't, because I say on forms that DC's photos cannot be used on websites to promote their club/ activity etc.

What's 'friends in child protection' got to do with it??

It just means that I respect their job and the advice they have given me regarding internet safety, that's all. So I heed it.

The website is my sister's to promote her photography business. It has her full name (including middle name), home & mobile numbers and also the town where she lives. DC's photo is on the home page and on the page called 'family photos' where DC is in a photo with her children. DC goes to the same school as her children.

The photo wasn't even taken by her, it turns out. It was taken by my mum. So she has no copyrights to it. And apart from anything else, she is passing someone else's photo off as her own on a website that is showing off photos she has taken.

I have told her to take it down. I'm unhappy because I have been NC with her for over a year because of various reasons, and she absolutely knows I would have said no if she'd asked me. I genuinely feel that she did not expect me to look at her website and see the photo there. I saw it because a friend on facebook commented on a post she had made with a link to the website and had a look out of curiosity because her and DH used to talk about photography a lot.

As I mentioned in the OP, aside from safety issues, which people may or may not agree with, I really do think that it is just good manners to ask someone if you can use a photo of their DC on your website or for promotional purposes.

OP posts:

Amibambini · 11/09/2013 10:08

Whoa, your sister has a website promoting her photography and she's using pictures she didn't take!

I totally agree that she's being very rude and bullish by using your kids picture while knowing your stance on usage of your child's image. That, and using her mum's pics, she sounds totally clueless and increadibly amateur.
I bet she has no clue about anything around model releases and copyright. Ask her to take it down, pronto.

DeWe · 11/09/2013 10:24

I wouldn't worry about a newspaper publishing names. When did you ever know a newspaper get the names right anyway?

MurderOfGoths · 11/09/2013 10:46

"The photo wasn't even taken by her, it turns out. It was taken by my mum. So she has no copyrights to it. And apart from anything else, she is passing someone else's photo off as her own on a website that is showing off photos she has taken"

Use that. Get your mum to demand that she stop violating her copyright.

raisah · 11/09/2013 11:16

I was at a party recently where a guy who I thought was the official photographer was taking documentary style snaps of everyone. I felt a bit uneasy that he kept taking snsps of my dc but as it was at the birthday party of my friends' ds I didn't make an issue. Only as we were leaving did I realise that he was not the photographer just an acquaintance of my friends mum. He had the full photography kit so I thought it was ok, I dont think every man is a weirdo but he didnt ask my permission he just wandered around taking snaps all night.

HomicidalPsychoJungleCat · 11/09/2013 11:39

Raisah. That's very rude of him. I love taking pictures at friends events, but they have usually asked me to bring my camera and if I'm snapping away at people's kids I would, at the very least, introduce myself.

Original poster

chicaguapa · 11/09/2013 14:52

Get your mum to demand that she stop violating her copyright.

My mum gave her the photo (not sure if it was for the website or not) and thinks I'm overreacting. She has asked her to take it off but not because she thinks my sister has done anything wrong.

Yes, unfortunately my sis is very amateur. She also doesn't have any integrity and this is one of the things that helps me stay NC.

OP posts:

MurderOfGoths · 11/09/2013 14:54

So your mum is happy for her to try and profit from work that isn't hers? That's clever..

MurderOfGoths · 11/09/2013 14:54

Can see why you are unhappy.

deakymom · 11/09/2013 15:28

safety issues = not letting my husbands psychotic ex get her hands on a picture of my children so she can say its hers (again) i would be most peeved at a photographer doing this to me x

Lilacroses · 11/09/2013 16:38

It's a rude thing to do. A florist once used a photo of my Dd at our wedding on her site but emailed me first about it. I think most people would do that to be honest.

Lilacroses · 11/09/2013 16:38

It's a rude thing to do. A florist once used a photo of my Dd at our wedding on her site but emailed me first about it. I think most people would do that to be honest.

Lilacroses · 11/09/2013 16:38

It's a rude thing to do. A florist once used a photo of my Dd at our wedding on her site but emailed me first about it. I think most people would do that to be honest.

WorraLiberty · 11/09/2013 16:44

Unless you are trying to keep your child hidden from a specific person for a specific reason, I can't see a problem here at all...other than it's a bit rude.

Do you have a specific personal reason?

steppemum · 11/09/2013 16:53

there was a really long thread on the same issue a few months ago. The consensus was that legally they could not use it without permission unless they are in the general background.

You don't have to have a reason, you can just say no you don't want it, and she has to take it down.

For those who can't see a problem, have you every googled your dcs names and clicked the images page?

My dd2 comes up with her photo as the first result. She had her picture in the paper at school and they used her whole name by mistake.

LeaningTowerOfGaffney · 11/09/2013 17:13

I'm with themaltesefalcon.

Original poster

chicaguapa · 11/09/2013 18:06

Just an update. Unfortunately I gave sis the benefit of the doubt and trusted her to respect my wishes and take the photos down immediately.

They are still there.

OP posts:

Amibambini · 11/09/2013 20:05

I'd start leaving google reviews of her business outlining her amateur-ness & false advertising.
Tell her you'll take them down when she takes down your daughters picture.

dedado · 11/09/2013 20:40

This article explains the reality of sharing photos online.

mobile.slate.com/articles/technology/data_mine_1/2013/09/facebook_privacy_and_kids_don_t_post_photos_of_your_kids_online.html

stiffstink · 11/09/2013 20:51

This must be quite upsetting for your mum, having you demand that a photo she took of her three grandchildren be removed from the internet within 24 hours of your demand.

Is it worth it?

Original poster

chicaguapa · 11/09/2013 21:01

stiff Yes, my poor mum having to deal with my unreasonable demands that a photo of my DC that I did not know was on the internet or want on the internet had to be removed immediately. On the other hand she's very lucky she can bask in the glow of the other daughter who's passing off a photo she didn't take as part of her portfolio and has scant regard for other people's beliefs and wishes, particular those that relate to her own DN. Perhaps she needs some comfort as I do expect that she's feeling very sorry for herself now and it's all because of me.

OP posts:

thebody · 11/09/2013 21:03

don't take this the wrong way but generally noone else but you and yours will be interested in your kids photos.

what safety issues?

Original poster

chicaguapa · 11/09/2013 21:15

I have put in the OP aside from safety issues. This isn't a debate about whether I am right to not want photos of my DC on the internet. It's about whether it's ok for someone, in this case my sis, to disregard my wishes and unbeknown to me put a photo of my DC on her website to advertise her photography business.

It's not her private Facebook page. It's a open, public website which is being linked to on her page and friends' pages to advertise her business. I've even seen it shared by a friend of her friend. It's not even protected and I have downloaded the photo myself and now have it stored on my computer.

I wouldn't expect anyone to take a photo of my DC, print it off and hand it out to friends. I definitely don't expect to have a look at the website by chance and see my DC on there. I expect as a decent courtesy to be asked. No less because it's my sis and her DN.

But obviously some people feel I'm being unreasonable and it's ok to do this without asking. So my sis & mum aren't on their own.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3