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Original poster

To ask what you actually say when DH asks 'what do you do all day?'

67 replies

PoisonedApple · 10/09/2013 23:25

Have a 3.5 year old, 1.5 dogs and an 8 week old baby and he seems genuinely confused as to my daily activities (as he chomps his way through the totally miraculous home made fish pie...)

OP posts:
stemstitch · 10/09/2013 23:58

You need to let him know it isn't acceptable to be a sarcastic bastard. I don't have children but if my DP asks any similar question (i.e. doubting my abilities/work ethic or anything remotely negative)* it is followed by an icy stare and an awkward silence. He then usually laughs nervously while ensuring exit paths are free of obstacles.

IME men get into the habit of saying these 'jokes' first to the wife, then to others, and it isn't long before they begin to truly believe them. You need to keep his feet on the ground.

*He would only ever say something like this as a joke, because the consequences of actually insulting me would be too horrible to contemplate.

Accidentallyquirky · 11/09/2013 00:10

He never asks, but tbh I'm a shit sahm... I never actually stay home - if I stay out as long as possible there's no housework to do ( washing cups after cuppas etc)
Sometimes actually I'd like him to text asking where the hell am I or what am I up to - pretty often he returns home from work to an empty house and unless its past 7pm and I have the kids with me he won't think to text and even then it's usually ' hi quirky just wondering if yous have ate so I know if I need to cook for myself or wait'

Ragusa · 11/09/2013 00:13

Oh yes. I can feel a night away with old friends coming on for you, poisonedapple. And you MUST turn off your mobile so he can deal alone with toddler meltdown over cutted up pear so you can have some peace. He will never ask such an asshole question again.

showtunesgirl · 11/09/2013 00:23

I just read out the OP to DH and he said this HAS to be made up, no man would ever be so stupid. Grin

stopgap · 11/09/2013 00:33

My DH often asks what we got up to, in a genuinely curious day, but he knows how hectic life is with a toddler, two dogs and a baby-on-the-way and would never posit the question in such patronising terms.

bigwellylittlewelly · 11/09/2013 00:43

Apart from entertaining the three year old and new baby, cleaning, endless washing, cooking, tidying and general stuff I set my goal for the day as serving up dinner at 6pm. After that I'm off duty on the three yo and on feeding only for baby.

Monday was a shite day. I texted DH and said I was unlikely to get dinner finished so to get a snack. His reply? "Don't worry, I'll cook when I get in or we can eat later". He might drive me bonkers but he doesn't underestimate being at home with small children.

Your DH needs a short sharp lesson in parenting.

EmmaBemma · 11/09/2013 05:28

My husband has never once asked me that question.

wonkylegs · 11/09/2013 05:35

My DH doesn't ask such stupid questions. This is also partly because I'm a list writer so I have a daily to do list next to the bed to organise my thoughts, as I can be a bit forgetful. He took one look at it the other day and said "you do know there is only 24 hours in a day right?"

Morloth · 11/09/2013 05:48

Well DH has never said that.

But I think I would respond with 'Sit on my arse, MN and eat cake of course, WTF to you think I do all day?!'

The washing, where the fuck does the washing come from, I wash and I wash and I wash and still there is more...

GreyWhites · 11/09/2013 05:53

My partner used to ask this. I did the thing of making a point of leaving him in charge for a day over the weekend every now and again (The having to express enough milk thing drove me insane but I forced myself to do it). He soon got the idea. To be honest the more efficient you are the more of a mystery it becomes as to what you're doing with your time. And it sounds like you're very efficient, with your home made fish pies!

Leave him in charge now and again and let him find out for himself, its the only way to an equal partnership. If you are one of these women who is all like "oh my god I could never leave him in charge, how would he cope?" then you are your own worst enemy I'm afraid. (I know a couple)

MammaTJ · 11/09/2013 06:22

One would say 'sleeping'. But I work nights!

My 'day off' is Friday and I often actually do nothing! DP finishes at 2 on Fridays, do comes homes when I am still child free! He leaves me on the sofa while he does the school run! I might just have to let him stay! Wink

Twattybollocks · 11/09/2013 06:38

Mine asked me that once when I was at home with a 19 month old and a newborn who cried constantly and didn't sleep. Thankfully for him he hasn't asked since.

Gracie990 · 11/09/2013 06:42

I had this.
I started to write the chores on my notice board so he could see them. Every single job.

I also left him with the children a few times so he got the idea!

Tee2072 · 11/09/2013 06:49

My husband has never asked this but he was gobsmacked one day when he was home ill and so witnessed what I actually do all day.

capercaillie · 11/09/2013 06:50

Mine asks this. I think he phrases it poorly and has good intentions/ curiosity behind it.

My usual response is sarcasm so I regularly do nuclear physics or peace negotiations.

Or I make sure I leave the Hoover etc out so it's blindingly obvious.

MummyPig24 · 11/09/2013 06:53

If my husband asked me what I do all day I would reply something like this:

Get children fed and dressed
Feed animals
Make ds packed lunch
Clean up kitchen
Organise something for dinner
Do the school run
Housework
Washing
Errands
Entertaining dd
Household admin i.e filing important letters
Cooking
Ironing
Folding laundry
Dealing with school letters/reading books
Seeing friends and family
Shopping

I would love to sit on my arse but I don't get much time.

MrsPnut · 11/09/2013 06:55

I would reply with "this morning, I laid on the sofa and flicked my nipples and this afternoon, my boyfriend came round and I was swinging from the chandelier"

My OH would never be so brave to ask such a question.

Bonsoir · 11/09/2013 06:56

I tell him I lie on the sofa reading while little fairies shop, cook, tidy, run errands, provide instant ready made perfect solutions to all our family's issues...

Dackyduddles · 11/09/2013 06:58

I get lists of things to do. Because (quote) I 'can manage my time better'. He also forgets how long things take. Running a Hoover round? 15mins. 4 bed semi. Riiiiiight. Drop to post office? Must be around 20? No that would be 20 mins prep for two dcs. 15 min drive. 10 min park/walk. 30-1hr queue. Walk back. Drive back. Unload. Home say 1.5hrs later if lucky or if I don't get "whilst your out can u do x....' Text too.

Grrrrr

WallaceWindsock · 11/09/2013 08:15

Dacky DP does the time thing! He once tried to tell me it would take 2 mins to peg the washing out. He retracted it after I left him to peg it out with the assistance of peg obsessed DD. I took him 20 mins but that did include time to knock next door and ask for the pegs back which DD had posted through the fence while he wasn't looking Grin

livinginwonderland · 11/09/2013 08:18

DP would never dare ask me. We don't have kids but I only work part-time (lack of jobs in our area, not through choice) so I am home four days a week. But, I do all the chores, go shopping if it's needed, clean, vacuum, and sort out dinner. Even if one day I haven't done anything and have just made the bed and stayed in my pajamas, he would never dare complain or moan about it.

livinginwonderland · 11/09/2013 08:20

Although once, I do remember having a lazy day and I said I was tired at about 6-7pm, and he said (jokingly) "why?! you haven't done anything!" so I just replied "well, no, after my other boyfriend came over and we spent the day having rampant sex everywhere, I was just too tired to do housework". He never asked again!

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 11/09/2013 08:22

He wouldn't ask, he knows what I do all day as he looks after DS when I work.

Squitten · 11/09/2013 08:23

My DH has never asked me that - and he has often come home to an utter pit!

I think I would organise a few days away for myself so he could learn exactly what I do...

Bunnyjo · 11/09/2013 08:27

I am assuming your DH wasn't asking in a 'How was your day?' kind of way and more 'Have you been sat on your arse all day?' way...

If my DH asked me that when I was a SAHM, he'd have been wearing his testicles as earrings! Seriously, OP, I think your DH needs a short sharp lesson - if you ff the youngest (or express some bm if baby will take expressed milk) I'd suggest buggering off for the day and leaving your DH to it - I can pretty much guarantee he will never ask the question again!