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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

14 year old son wants to walk home (10 mins) in dark on his own

45 replies

grrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 10/09/2013 17:29

More of a wwyd. My son has a club tonight that finishes at 8.30. (he has just turned 14) and wants to walk home on his own. He said he would text when leaving. He is usually very sensible for a 14 year old

I am not comfortable with this, but tbh I suffer with terrible anxiety anyway, and I know this is my issue and do not want to ruin ds by wrapping him in cotton wool and suffocating him.

DH seems to think that if he texts when on way it should be ok and more inclined to let him do it as half the walk will be with a friend.

Anxiety has kicked in and not thinking straight so would appreciate advice and comments.

OP posts:
gordyslovesheep · 10/09/2013 17:30

I think you know you are being unreasonable - anxiety is horrible - but he's 14...and it's 10 mins x

SPsTotallyMullerFuckingLicious · 10/09/2013 17:30

My brother does this and hes 13. Think he did it when he started school.

I think 14 is old enough to do this.

whois · 10/09/2013 17:32

14, ten mins, totally fine.

TidyDancer · 10/09/2013 17:32

I think it depends what kind of walk it is and how 'old' a 14-yr-old he is.

If it's a walk in a questionable area or with little lighting, I wouldn't like it.

But otherwise I would let him. I think.

LaurieFairyCake · 10/09/2013 17:32

Just remember we put boys down't pit at that age Wink

Hope your anxiety gets better.

WilsonFrickett · 10/09/2013 17:32

He is old enough. And he has put together a really good plan too - he'll text you, walk with a friend, he's generally sensible. Let him do it.

Sparklingbrook · 10/09/2013 17:33

I'm with Tidy.

5madthings · 10/09/2013 17:33

yabu he will be fine. he can call and talk to you even, its ten mins!

anxiety is awful are you getting help for it? its great you are aware and dont want it to affect you parenting, really good self awareness.

i have a just 14yr old ds btw. would let him do this.

firesidechat · 10/09/2013 17:34

Yes, I would be fine with that.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 10/09/2013 17:36

I'd be fine with that too as long as its a road with a pavement. In a couple of months it will be dark by 5pm or so.

tiggytape · 10/09/2013 17:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WandaDoff · 10/09/2013 17:37

In four years time he's going to be an adult, he needs to learn how to do things independently otherwise he's going to go crazy when he's finally gets off the leash.

BodaciousTatas · 10/09/2013 17:38

Dd who is 14 does it. I don't like it but I keep it quiet. Although I do get secretly pleased when she calls for a lift

headlesslambrini · 10/09/2013 17:38

my DS 14 rode home last night from cadets in the dark at 9.30pm. He is sensible and had lights on his bike, had his phone etc. He texted when he left and yes I was on pins for the 10 mins, but he arrived home fine. You are only going to feel more comfortable with your anxiety by letting him do this, so you can see for yourself that all will be OK.

Owllady · 10/09/2013 17:39

I think as long as it's an area you know and it's well lit it will be fine :0 and he will text before and you can hover looking out of the window from behind the curtain whilst thinking it's the longest ten minutes of your life...but it will still be fine

NulliusInBlurba · 10/09/2013 17:42

I agree with the majority opinion that it will be OK, you should let him do it under the agreed conditions. But I'd like to ask the same people: in all honesty, would you have the same reaction if the question were about a 14yo girl? (have just seen bodacious saying her DD does it but she doesn't like it).
Personally, I do let my DD - just turned 15 - come back from sports or school events as late as 10pm by herself.

YonilyDevotedToYou · 10/09/2013 17:42

I would let him. However, can I just add a word of caution re those posters saying he should call or text en route- I would advise that he keeps his phone away in his pocket or bag. We are given this advice to pass on to our students (I'm a teacher) as kids on phones are often distracted and not alert enough when walking alone.

Original poster
grrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 10/09/2013 17:43

The only part that is not well lit is across the park. This is the part I am most anxious about. Not the walking the streets but just the park bit.

Yes I receive help for it, but unfortunately had a very stressful few weeks and its taken its toll. I am sure after today I will calm down a lot.

Thanks :)

OP posts:
WilsonFrickett · 10/09/2013 17:44

absolutely would give same advice for a girl Nullius though should probably state I don't have one!

OhYouBadBadKitten · 10/09/2013 17:55

Ok, I have to be honest, for my dd walking across the park bit would have me nervous, only cos it makes me nervous when I do it. Silly really I don't know why it being dark makes any difference at all.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 10/09/2013 17:57

He is old enough, but I wouldn't be happy about the park. Can he not walk a longer way on the streets rather than go thru park? It is only 8.30 though which is not at all late

phantomnamechanger · 10/09/2013 18:00

another reason he should not walk while on the phone is cos phones are an easy target for thieves. And tell him NOT to walk along listening to headphones - high rates of accidents because you do not hear cars coming

Thisisaeuphemism · 10/09/2013 18:00

A park? Wouldn't be so keen on that...

I try and get my 12 ds to go to the shop for me in the dark but he won't! Your ds sounds like a good, sensible boy.

Wonderstuff · 10/09/2013 18:01

I agree with others I'd be worried about me walking through an unlit park after dark. The ten minute walk in the dark bit sounds fine until you introduce an unlit park

ashleysilver · 10/09/2013 18:07

Yes my dd does a similar walk home from her youth club and is also 14. They are not too young imo.