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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be jumping to conclusions?

13 replies

emsiewill · 10/09/2013 14:07

I employ someone who joined my company earlier this year to replace someone who was leaving. She is exceptionally good at her job, and has a maturity beyond her years (she's 25).

She has two young children (4 and 2) and a (IMO) useless partner who is 10 years older than her. He works as a DJ so is not around in the evenings, and from what she says offers her no real support with the children. Other things she says about him don't really paint him in a positive light (she has been supporting them financially while he has been messing around trying to set himself up as a DJ, losing money they invested in bars & clubs etc).

Since she started working for me she has had one calamity after another. Both children have been ill a few times - to the point of being hospitalised at least once. She has been ill, her partner crashed the car, and so on and so on. In her first review, she asked to drop her hours to part time as her son was not doing well with her working full time. As she is so good at her job, I have bent over backwards to accommodate her - including ferrying her back and forward to the local station when we moved offices and she still had no car.

About 3 weeks ago, she slammed her fingers in the car door, fracturing one of them. Obviously this made it difficult for her to work, although she didn't take much time off. She said she was shouting at the children and slammed the door onto her hand.

Today (she doesn't work on a Tuesday) she has let me know that she fell down the stairs yesterday evening and has fractured her other hand, may need an operation.

I don't know what to think about this. My first instinct is that these accidents aren't actually accidents; how can these things happen to one person in such a short space of time? I'm seeing red flags, but just not sure if I'm over reacting.

What do other people think? Can one person have so many bad things happen one after the other? Is it possible to slam your own hand in a car door so badly that you fracture your finger?

Am I just letting my imagination run wild?

OP posts:

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 10/09/2013 14:09

You could be right but as her employer what can you do other than continue to be supportive and hope she confides in you? You should carry on helping her for the sake of the children...try to offer her a shoulder.

havingamadmoment · 10/09/2013 14:11

It does sound very odd but there is nothing you can do apart from talk to her gently and tbh I would be careful doing that since she works for you it can be an odd sort of relationship.

CaptainSweatPants · 10/09/2013 14:11

At my place if you have 3 incidences if sickness in 6 months you get a warning & sent to occupational health

Could you implement similar ?

quesadilla · 10/09/2013 14:13

What Neo said. Unless you are quite close its going to be very hard to get involved. But you can be as sympathetic as possible.

OHforDUCKScake · 10/09/2013 14:14

Why were the children hosptilised? That makes me feel sick.

If he is a bastard, she is leaving her babies alone with him....

Limnoria · 10/09/2013 14:15

Wow, that sounds like a really difficult situation for you. You also sound like a very caring boss (you're first concern is for her welfare, not her quality of work) and like you have quite a good relationship with her.

So to answer your questions, it is possible to just have a really unlucky few months, particularly if you're under stress, you geta bit clumsier... I had one month where I spilt a pan of hot water down my leg, tripped over a desk, crashed the car (though not seriously, just reversed slowly into a wall), and put stuff in a cupboard so when i opened it I got a camping mug to the eye. I was just really tired and stressed out, and I did bitch about my DP quit a lot at the time, as he was kind of the emotional punch bag.

My brother sliced the tops of his fingers off closing the car boot, so car doors = dangerous.

BUT it may be worth having a word with her, letting her know that you're happy to support her, think that she is good at her job (ie, that she'd have financial security if she had to leave her husband), and if she ever needs to talk you won't judge. Good luck to both of you, i hope it all works out ok.

Platinumstart · 10/09/2013 14:15

The last thing this woman needs if the OPs conclusions are anywhere near the truth is some sort of official warning

Personally I think I would try to talk to her, say you don't want to jump to conclusions but you're concerned for her and stress that if she wishes to confide in you one it will be confidential and not impact on your professional response to her and two that you will support her to the very best of your ability.

Original poster

emsiewill · 10/09/2013 14:16

We are a VERY small company - just me, her and one other person in our office (we have a sister office but they are miles away & not much bigger). So we are all quite close, but at the end of the day I am her boss.

It also means we don't have occupational health & although we do have HR policies we don't have anything as formalised as "3 strikes" or anything.

She has always struggled in whatever's going on, I don't doubt her commitment, but I just don't get what's really going on behind the scenes.

OP posts:

thebody · 10/09/2013 14:22

it's a big jump to make from lazy useless partner to vicious abuser so I would be very careful here.

you sound like a great boss but that's what you are, her boss not get friend.

if you are seen to be bending over backwards for her then what about your other employees, especially those with commitments themselves who cover her work.

be very sure you implement a fair sickness/ absence policy for all staff.

I am sure this is just a run of bad luck for her.

OHforDUCKScake · 10/09/2013 14:25

Why were the children in hospital?

DeWe · 10/09/2013 14:28

It is possible to have a string of things like that happen. One friend I have had in about 9 months:
Dislocated toe (twice)
Pulled neck muscle
Skinned and broken finger (in door)
Broken wrist (fell over while ice skating)

Her 2 children in that time:
Appendicitis
Chickenpox x2 (including one A&E trip due to breathing problems)
Diagnosed dyslexia
Dislocated elbow
A&E trip with bumped head
Fell off bike and split lip open

Add to that her dm was diagnosed with cancer and given 2 months to live and she was had a burglary and their car was shunted into in a car park...

Before that and after that they were hardly ever ill, so life does sometimes gang up on you!

MerryMarigold · 10/09/2013 14:31

My friend shut her finger in my car door the other day and fractured it so that part is possible. It sounds like she has a huge amount on her plate, and tiredness can make you do silly things.

Yes, what happened to the children? If it was injuries it's different than if it's a virus gone bad or something.

Original poster

emsiewill · 10/09/2013 14:31

I think it was only her 2 year old (daughter ) in hospital - she had bronchiolitis when she was tiny, so suffers with her chest & was struggling to breathe. She has been in a couple of times this year.

Because we are such a small number of people, it's not too hard to be able to be flexible with everyone in the same way when / if they need it (& I have been). But I take the point about that.

OP posts:

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