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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not go on holiday?

10 replies

ellie19812 · 09/09/2013 20:39

I think I know the answer to this but need some outside opinions.

Me and dp due to go on holiday abroad at the end of the month. I really don't want to go - I run my own business and there are a number of important things happening the week we are away, and it is causing me a lot of stress as I'm worried my not being in the country I deal with possible problems will lose me a lot of future business.

I am 24 weeks pregnant and the business is very important for obvious reasons financially and will continue to be after I've had the baby.

Dp does not pay towards any of the household bills, rent, food etc.

We are due to meet up with members of his family whilst on holiday so if I dont go he wouldn't be on his own over there.

Thoughts?

OP posts:

LindyHemming · 09/09/2013 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SenoritaViva · 09/09/2013 20:44

Don't go if it's going to affect your business that much. But is it really or is it all in your head and you are panicking? Surely you can delay these things that are happening if you are only going for a week? (I am assuming you are going for a week as you refer to it as 'week we are away')

I presume this is your first child. If you can, go on holiday and enjoy the time with DP. You won't get a break like that for a very long time! (unless you have huge family support)

Original poster

ellie19812 · 09/09/2013 20:46

He moved in with me, and my living expenses were a lot more than what he was used to (he house shared before moving in here).

Also I earn 5-6 times more than him. He works 8-6pm 5 days a week, I work on my business 8am-8pm 6 days a week.

I would prefer him to contribute to be honest.

OP posts:

BrokenSunglasses · 09/09/2013 20:46

If the business will cope without you while you're on maternity leave, it will cope while you're on holiday.

Your biggest problem is your DP.

Original poster

ellie19812 · 09/09/2013 20:49

Hi señorita,

It may be some panicking on my side, but potentially if problems occur with the deals that are due to happen while we are away then that could have a big effect on business. It could all be fine and run perfectly smoothly, I'm just worried in case it doesn't.

Yes it will be our first child.

OP posts:

Original poster

ellie19812 · 09/09/2013 20:54

Hi broken, In what way do mean?

I am not having official maternity leave, I'll still be doing some work from home, emails etc.

OP posts:

itsametaphordaddy · 09/09/2013 20:55

He should be contributing at least what he paid before moving in with you surely. You are being taken for a ride.

CookieLady · 09/09/2013 20:55

Not earning as much as you is not a valid excuse for him not contributing to household bills/expenses. I'd nip this in the bud before you really start resenting him for it.

SenoritaViva · 09/09/2013 21:00

Congratulations!

Right, you have a mobile? Do you have an employee who can handle things but contact you if necessary, can you check there's wifi where you are going? Unsure of your business so don't know if this will help. Also, how will the business cope when you are on maternity leave, even if you are only taking a short time off this could be the perfect test for employees.

On another note, you seriously need to sit down with DP and discuss your finances before this baby arrives. Not in a confrontational way but a planning way... He should be contributing, even if it is 1/5 of what you are paying due to your adjusted income.

I really think you should go. Children are wonderful things, they are an utter gift. They change your life in a way that you really cannot imagine until they are there. Your time is NEVER your time again. I have had friends with newborns who haven't had showers for days 'because they can't leave them' (you can by the way), once they are up and walking you essentially don't even get to go to the loo without being followed and watched. Even when they're old enough not to follow you in they sense when you don't want to be disturbed and have something URGENT that needs you (like what colour they should choose for the monster they have drawn). You get the idea. This is the last time you will be able to have time to yourself and time to you and DP. Especially if you own your own business.

You owe yourself a break, take it if you can!

youmeandthebump · 09/09/2013 21:21

Hey Ellie,

It sounds like you are under a hell of a lot of pressure to keep not just you and DP but now also a little one. It is really really hard when you run your own business as its not something you can mentally switch off from - even if you can check emails, and someone else is looking after the business - regardless of where you are physically.

In answer to your question I don't think it is unreasonable for you to tell DP that you don't want to go on holiday especially as part of the reason you are so stressed about work is that he isn't contributing as he should. His financial contribution is probably a whole other discussion which I'm sure you don't need to go over now....

However, as much as I think you should be able to say you don't want to go, I really think you need a break.

When I was pregnant with my first I was in a similar position working all hours to support myself, my partner and my bump as my hubby was injured in a serious car accident just as I found out I was pregnant and so couldn't work. He was self employed in a manual job so as you can imagine a complete nightmare! The reason I am telling you all this is because I didn't give myself a break - I felt that if I stopped, everything would fall around me and consequently didn't really enjoy the pregnancy at all. Then of course when bubba arrived I realised how I should have made the most of that time when it was just me and my hubby.

We've since gone on to have 2 more little ones - they are all wonderful and I love them with all my heart (so does my hubby) but it was a mistake not to take some time out when we could.

It doesn't necessarily have to be the week's holiday you talk about (do you really want to go with his family?) but at least take a couple of days at a spa resort to just connect, and even talk about how everything is going to change in the coming months - because as much as you think they won't I can assure you they will.

And believe me, your business will be able to cope without you for a few days - there is nothing more important than your health - mental and physical, and that of your unborn baby.

I really do feel for you and hope you manage to take a step back from everything to clear your head.

xxx

www.youmeandthebump.com

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