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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not have said hello to MIL

18 replies

CircassianLeyla · 09/09/2013 20:31

SIL was doing us a favour and looking after DS today and I dropped him off after drop off. I asked after MIL and was told she was upstairs. SIL was in her dressing gown and got up to answer the door. I assumed MIL was in bed/bathroom and asked how she was and left.

We are not close. In the past we have not had a good relationship and it isn't the sort of relationship where I would feel comfortable going up to say hello if she was in bed etc. we have a language barrier too so shouting up would not really work either.

It hadn't even registered. I thought it was all very pleasant, I enquired after her so thought I did what was polite and necessary. I didn't even think about it at all.

DH just arrived home to have a go that I didn't even say hello to his mum.

I can't imagine him going into my dads bedroom to say hello if he thought he might be asleep.

OP posts:

VikingVagine · 09/09/2013 20:35

OI'd just be honest next time you see her and say you thought she was in bed and didn't want to bother her.

Original poster

CircassianLeyla · 09/09/2013 20:36

I just said that to him and he pulled some faces and said it wouldn't have killed me.

OP posts:

Original poster

CircassianLeyla · 09/09/2013 20:37

She/they won't actually say anything to me, just bitch to him.

OP posts:

LindyHemming · 09/09/2013 20:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HumphreyCobbler · 09/09/2013 20:39

And he helpfully shared it with you? He sounds more of a problem really, what a fuss about nothing.

You behaved normally.

lurkedtoolong · 09/09/2013 20:39

Tell them all to fuck off. YWNBU at all.

starfishmummy · 09/09/2013 20:40

Yanbu. I bet if you had gone up there would have been grumbles about that not being appropriate

Original poster

CircassianLeyla · 09/09/2013 20:46

He is always prickly when he comes back from there. It is a bigger issue of the ILs relationship strain. Tiny things become ridiculous. Now my back is up about them again when we had plateaued a little.

OP posts:

serin · 09/09/2013 20:47

Wow that has really annoyed me. He should be sticking up for you not colluding with his family.

Sorry, but I think this says a lot about where his priorities lie.

Original poster

CircassianLeyla · 09/09/2013 20:57

Serin, I know. This is minute in comparison to other moans they hAve had over the years but if I start with a rant I really won't stop. It's just like everytime we move on they find something else.

He is rubbish when it comes to them but it has been better since my BIL married as they ended up having almost the same issues with her.

They never raise issues with me and I never say anything, I have adopted an attend for special occasions but otherwise ignore them stance but the result is I will seeth over this for a few days and it will get added to my bank of things I have never commented on.

I wish he just didn't even mention it.

OP posts:

BombayBadGirl · 09/09/2013 21:11

oh circassian i feel for you, my fil phoned this morning to say you called to let my bil know we had arrived safely but not me, even though it was 10 in the evening, and we thought held be asleep and then put the phone down.
adding to the cheekiness, he brings me a form not 2 hours later to fil in sigh

Original poster

CircassianLeyla · 09/09/2013 21:14

Mental Bombay absolutely mental isn't it.

OP posts:

pianodoodle · 09/09/2013 21:22

Your husband shouldn't be running back to you with their daft complaints!

KurriKurri · 09/09/2013 21:29

Why didn't she come down to say hello when she heard you at the door? - she must have known it was you. She sounds bat-shit crazy.

Original poster

CircassianLeyla · 09/09/2013 21:33

"Bat-shit crazy". That has made me giggle.

OP posts:

PosyNarker · 09/09/2013 21:40

My PIL are not as prickly as yours by the sound of it, but for a start, if I offended DPIL (unlikely), DP would probably tell me DM / DF thought my behaviour was a bit off / wondered if something was up. Crucial thing is he wouldn't immediately assume I was in the wrong.

My own parents are a bit more prickly and aren't DP's greatest fans at times. No-one is good enough for their wee lassie, ultimately. I do tell DP if he's pissed them off, but again I think the important thing is I don't immediately take their part. Unless it's a really obvious infraction (I'm making this up, but say a DP pissed on the PILs Chesterfield while wankered) you shouldn't immediately take your parent's part?

temporarilyjerry · 09/09/2013 21:43

You deserve this.

Original poster

CircassianLeyla · 09/09/2013 21:52

Gratefully received. He just asked me if I am going to his sisters this weekend. I asked her earlier in the week if she was doing anything for her DS birthday, she said no but maybe keep Sat free. I asked him what the plans were, just go round basically. No time, no details, she hasn't let me know and we have been in contact over presents etc. seriously he thinks I am a bloody mind reader.

OP posts:

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