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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

dc spending Xmas with xh...

16 replies

cariboo · 09/09/2013 06:27

How to handle this? My first Xmas without my children because it's xh's turn to have them. I can't bear the idea of Christmas Eve and Day alone! AIBU?

OP posts:

Iheartcrunchiebars · 09/09/2013 06:43

What's your family set up? Can you go to parents/friends?

Could you work instead?

LindyHemming · 09/09/2013 06:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chocoholic21 · 09/09/2013 06:55

This year will be my DD's first Christmas with XP, and I just admit I am dreading it. My parents are using it as an opportunity to go skiing and so we have postponed Christmas celebrations until she is back. I think I'm just going to pretend it isn't happening! I plan to go shopping and get some nice food and some good films and spend it at home on my own. I'm sure I'll miss her lots, but just think that next year it will all be the other way round

HotDogHotDogHotDiggityDog · 09/09/2013 06:57

Can you split it a bit more.

Ex has DD for Xmas Eve & Xmas morning this year, I have her Xmas Day afternoon and boxing day. Then swap next year.

It makes it more bearable for all 3 of us.

everlong · 09/09/2013 07:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissMarplesBloomers · 09/09/2013 07:03

Agree with HotDog We split the 2 days so they get to see both of us -I put my foot down from the begining as I couldn't bear the thought of not seeing them at all over Christmas.

It's different now they're older but even so we try & do that, but they decide how & when.

Very hard, that first one but look on it as starting new traditions- can you have "your" Christmas Day before they go, do all the same things & have a few prezzies ?

I have always worked shifts over the years & so did Ex so we were used to having family Christmas' spread out from the 17th-29th!
As long as you have some special time together to celebrate the event, THAT is the important thing not the date.

((hugs)) though it DOES get easier.

waltzingmathilda · 09/09/2013 07:33

One of the best splits I know of (actually the adults in this absolutely detest each other and don't speak if they can avoid it) but he simply refused to have his daughters on Christmas day as he thought the whole thing would be far to disturbing for them, so he picks them up on Boxing Day. That way the whole 'how will Santa know' conversation never arose. He took a view that they should wake up in their own beds on days such as Christmas.

If only all parents put their children first instead of getting 'grabby' about 'my time/my turn'.

Although, now he's dealt with the emotional trauma of the split, he now gets Christmas Eve and NYE out on the town

BuskersCat · 09/09/2013 07:38

we split Christmas day in half every other year the other parent gets to do morning time, it's only fair.

Lonecatwithkitten · 09/09/2013 07:39

Work is always my solution.
Volunteering at a shelter is always a good plan.

numbum · 09/09/2013 07:43

Splitting the day didnt work for my DN. He was an emotional wreck by the afternoon and started being a brat when it came to 'even more presents'. We have a large family though so the poor thing was completely overwhelmed by it all.

OP, do you not have anyone you can go to? Preferably someone without children

supermariossister · 09/09/2013 07:44

can you not make it a little more split between, I used to have one year with one parent Christmas eve night until 1pm lunchtime then go to other parents. now we do it that sc are with whoever's turn it is Christmas eve until 6pm christmas day so they can do boxing day as Christmas day with other side of family. if you can't work anything like that perhaps before could be your Christmas

supermariossister · 09/09/2013 07:51

numbum, that is the downside to it I think, depending on how tired and overexcited they are it can all get a bit much by the second round of presents/family visiting. these are all above 6 so understand more why we do it that way

jellybeans · 09/09/2013 07:58

I would split the days or make sure kids woke up in their own home for at least the morning. If not I like the idea of charity work in a shelter etc. Feel for you as I would hate it.

heidiwine · 09/09/2013 08:13

Yanbu but you're not alone either! Try to make the most of a bad situation and create a second Xmas.
My DP never gets Xmas or Xmas eve. It's very sad but we try to celebrate Xmas another day, usually the 23rd (as on Boxing Day the children are worn out and we don't collect them till midday). That's a really special day - we do stockings and presents and then go out for a late lunch and try to fit in a carol concert or a show in the evening. It's better that Christmas Day because everything's open so you don't get cabin fever (and you can pay someone else to cook!)

I've worked at crisis for Xmas in the past and there are tonnes of single parents there. It can be good fun and feels good and you often meet the odd celebrity who comes to entertain/cook etc.

The other thing we do is go to midnight mass (my partner is not at all religious). Before the service we invite our neighbours (2 elderly couples) in for drinks and treats. Then on Xmas day we have a lie in and watch all the films on tv eat steak and chips and consume a couple of bottles of wine and a box of chocolates. When I was on my own (i have no children) I used to do a massive jigsaw.

Maybe some of that appeals. Just remember that there are lots of parents out there with sad hearts on Xmas day
X

teenagetantrums · 09/09/2013 08:56

I quite liked xmas when my ex had them, I did nothing al day except eat rubbish food and watch T.V. Mind you he only had them twice after we split up he soon got bored with having to do the whole Christmas thing. We just used to have Christmas when they got back.

Original poster

cariboo · 09/09/2013 16:44

There are some good solutions on here - thanks. Only problem is that the dc and I live overseas now so xh is coming from England for just a week. He's such a selfish git (and still an angry and stupid git!) that he wants to punish me by keeping the dc entirely to himself. What he doesn't realise, or refuses to realise, is that this behaviour hurts the children more than it hurts me.

OP posts:

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