Seriously, I need some perspective on this:
DH quit his job in June, which I was delighted about, as both hours and pay were terrible and he didn't actually even enjoy it anymore so when he was at home he was in a truly awful mood due to being very depressed and was not remotely fun to live with. He'd stopped doing any sort of housework, or really interacting with the children much as he was so tired etc., and I was working hard myself trying to earn the extra that we needed while also doing all the childcare and the cleaning.
So, three months on, DH still hasn't decided on a plan of action (he did say that he needed some time to think about it) and while my life has in many ways become a lot easier as I have more time to work (I'm freelance, but what I earn does cover our costs, though it's not exactly fancy costs, iyswim.)
DCs are 3 and 1. 3 year old is admittedly exhausting, but has just started nursery every morning. I drop him off, and then continue with DD to whatever it is that we're going to be doing activity-wise (and I want to be doing this, and have deliberately organised work so that I can, to the extent that I often work late at night once the DCs are asleep), and return home with both children about 12 30 and hand them over to DH so that I can start work. So he has every morning free. They then both sleep for two hours, 1 - 3. Then I'm nearly always home/ available to help with bath time and bedtime, and, three afternoons a week, I take DS from 3.30 for his music lessons/ swimming lessons, and occasionally I'll take both children to playdates (when I can fit it in with work.) (DH has told me that if were responsible for getting DS to all these things, DS wouldn't to because DH doesn't think they're necessary. I do. We differ. And DS LOVES his classes.) One day a week DH doesn't have to do anything at all because we have a nanny that day who I've kept on because I'm kind of hoping that DH will get a job again one day and we'll need her, and she's brilliant and the children love her and I don't want to lose her. So, basically, DH only has to look after the children in the afternoons, four days a week, and very occasional mornings when I HAVE to work but then he only has DD who is easy peasy and a total dream to look after.
And yet I'm still doing most of the housework, too. Definitely all the laundry. I often get home and have to do all the washing up FOR THE WHOLE DAY, and pick up all the toys, etc. (probably about 50% of the time) He occasionally hoovers without being told to. He occasionally cleans the kitchen, but he'll do something like leave all the gross stuff in the plug so that I have to deal with it. He'll empty the bins if and when I remind him. He has yet ever to clean the bathroom. Every so often we have an argument, I cry, and he gets better at cleaning up after himself for about two weeks, and then it reverts. I'll happily get a cleaner, but not until he's got a job (and he hasn't actually applied for a single one, yet), as until then I'm just going to feel like I'm paying for everything so that he can just swan around half the day?
But if this was reversed, if he was a SAHM, would his modus operandum be able to be justified? I've never been a SAHM, I was a working from home mother every minute the children were sleeping in order to pay the mortgage every month, so I have to admit that I myself wasn't brilliant at doing the cleaning - also, I had both children all the time (well, once DD had been born, that is.) But still I made sure that the bathroom etc. was cleaned at least once a week.
I get that he's 'having a break', and figuring out life a bit so 'needs time to think', but equally I can't help comparing how much I achieved with how little he achieves . . . . Although he is really good with the children when he concentrates on them, and has been much more patient potty training DS than I would have managed to have been.
Sorry, this has turned into more of a rant than anything, and has got a bit long. I'm just feeling a bit murderous. Also, I think I'm feeling kind of jealous of all his spare time. I really want him to get a job. Not least because when he's at home he grazes all day, mainly on cereal, so there never seems to be any for breakfast.