I know I don't post here very often so I thank in advance for any responses.
Basically my partner suffers badly from depression, alcoholism, hoarding (badly!) and generally being upset and insecure.
He's a lovely man. Kind, caring, generous and adores me and treats me very well 99% of the time. He's very emotionally sensitive even though he's strong emotionally as well. I have my own issues, and I have always been able to rely on him to support me emotionally and to be there when I need him.
He is getting help for alcoholism, but he is a serious problem drinker when he is at his worst-however despite this, when he is drinking heavily he is still kind and caring (if a bit useless around the house and stuff) and never behaves angrily or any of the other things often associated with alcoholism.
When we had been together for about a year I rang his Mother begging for her help, as I couldn't cope and I asked that she come and visit and/or help somehow, try to make him feel better.I kind of wish I hadn't, she dismissed it. His house is atrocious I understand why she won't want to be in it, it's more or less derelict but that's another story altogether, I cope with living in it more or less and she is his MOTHER. Was he my child suffering so badly I would move the earth I am sure.
Also, his issues I feel are stemmed from childhood. He was sent to boarding school in another country from her because his Father got a good job and she went with him and left her children in boarding school. I don't agree with boarding schools at a young age but that's just my opinion. He suffered, was beaten, abused-even though he is strong and tells me it ws fine most of the time, I just feel she abandoned him. She never got him and his sisters christmas presents, she used to send them 'apology letters' from 'Santa Claus' because she couldn't be bothered with the whole thing.
I feel his hoarding is definitely a cause and effect symptom of childhood, he was never allowed his own things and whenever he visited his Mother in the country she lived in, she had thrown away most of his things due to moving house or decluttering. He has never had any love, and although he says he did his own thing as a kid and didn't mind not being around his parents-I struggle to believe it. He isn't that type-he is so loving and caring and sweet natured-he isn't a 'hard' sort of person.
Although I am not at home every night (I work nights and often stay over in other towns) he is very attached without being clingy, very affectionate and sweet and caring and loving in all ways, really feels loneliness and isolation like most emotionally sensitive people.
I harbour hate for her, for abandoning her kids and leaving them in another country at a horrid school. For not loving him as a child or adult, for being too CBA at Christmas. I struggle with his issues and maybe this is part of it-I blame her for MY situation and MY struggling, selfishly, and also unselfishly-for HIS pain and illnesses.
I see her once every couple of months when her and her partner come and take us out to dinner.
I am taking this out on him-last night we had been to a wedding so I had had a few wines and I told him how angry I was with her-and why, I remember one of the things I said was 'Okay so boarding school may have been okay but, you were a small child! What if you are hurt, upset, unsure, lonely?!Your MOTHER should have been there or cared or at least been contactable!! And he cried :(I have done this sort of anger thing with him before.
I know I am being unfair-I feel sometimes I want to rant at HER and make her feel bad like she made him feel bad.
This is unhealthy though and It's getting worse, I find myself getting so worked up about it :(
Am I being unreasonable to feel this way?And is there something wrong with me-should I try to be one of those sorts who thinks 'ah sod it there's a lot of folk with bad childhoods drop it and look to the future'?Etc....