To be angry, hurt and dissapointed at my sister

[BextheBambi]

a bit of background for you, DP, DD and I live with a lodger as we can't afford to rent somewhere on our own. Said lodger has become both of our best friends and almost an uncle to DD, we consider him to be part of our family. We've all lived together for many years and had no problems.

My sister, as much as I love her, is a drama queen, always attention seeking and seems to have a different boyfriend every week. She moves in with the guys far too quickly. I've mentioned to her on several occasions I don't agree with the way she goes about things.

We've known that lodger and sister have talked on occasions, that's fine with me, then my sister started to call him when she was drunk making out that it was all just friendly and that she didn't want to give him the impression she was leading him on that she didn't like him like that and in her words "I would never want to be with him". Now, it turns out they've been having a relationship for weeks lying to us the whole thing just feels weird.

I'm more concerned about lodger as he is a kind hearted gentlemen, who is completely not her type and she's already trying to change him. In my view she's exhausted all other options so lodger is her fall back guy (there is other evidence to back this up but I won't go into that). I'm upset as this will affect everyone.

when it all ends, which I hope it doesn't for their sake, my DP and I will have lost a best friend and our DD will have lost someone who was like an uncle to her. Even now things don't feel the same, the atmosphere is very strange.

my other concern is that if they break up lodger will feel awkward and move out, thus meaning we can't afford to live in our house anymore (or anywhere else for that matter). or even if they do go the distance, going on my sister's track record, in 6 months time we will have no lodger as well as they'll have moved in together.

I really don't know how to take all of this, if anyone has any input of how I should handle this I'd be very grateful, I really don't want them to feel like I am controlling what they do though.

It's not that he's the only lodger in the world, it's finding someone who DP and I can trust around our DD. We don't want just anyone moving in so we can afford the rent. I also don't want our friend to feel like we're trying to keep him here. That's not it all. If it was anyone else we'd be joking about when they were getting married, where he was going to take her to dinner and so on.

My initial reaction was that I don't want our friend/ lodger to be hurt from someone who I know doesn't have a good track record. I'm happy to give them the benefit of the doubt, if it works out good for them. I'm just forseeing a very bad and awkward situation on everyone who's involved.

It only occurred to me today that if he moves out, for whatever reason, would we be able to make ends meet while we find another lodger like him.

Honestly there is no feelings between me and said lodger other than we are very good friends, both me and DP consider him to be part of our family.

let me put it like this, there's a knock at the door, it's my sister, she doesn't want to see me or DD she's here for lodger. who am I hearing in the other room with Lodger...my sister? they have an argument, being both a best friend and a sister...they both want to talk to me.

Sisters always talk to eachother but I don't want to hear it this time, which makes me feel like a horrible person.

It's always weird and awkward when someone you're close to gets together with someone else you're close to. Even worse when one of them is living with you.

But I don't think you should catastrophise, from what you say the most likely outcome is your sister dumping the lodger before long. Just stay out of it and tell them both you don't want to be drawn into their relationship dramas.

Sorry OP, but although you say the sister is the drama queen, you have gone from your sister and your lodger being in a relationship for weeks to them having arguements/bust ups/living together and you losing your home. I know it will be a pain if he decides to move out (which he could do at any time, for any reason) but its not his responsibility to help you keep the house you are currently renting. Nor does he owe you an explanation of his relationship from the off. (If he had said he had feelings for your sister beforehand, would you have 'gently' warned him off?)

It's a bit like work in that you don't take sides if they both talk to you unless there is an obvious need to i.e. violence. It's not impossible and I'm sure in a few weeks if will feel more normal. If not then take steps to get a new lodger. I assume you didn't know the other lodger very well before he moved in? There's no reason to think you won't be able to find an equally considerate lodger again.