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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to lecture DD r.e relationships while she is learning this song?

26 replies

VaultFullOfTwizzlers · 07/09/2013 22:00

She's already had a summer of me ranting about "Blurred Lines" Grin

She is auditioning for Nancy in Oliver (small local production obvs) and is thirteen.

It's the one described by wiki as a torch song Hmm - "As long as he needs me"

I just want to her see it for what it is and not a that romantic love is paramount at all costs or any such bollocks.

Schools seem to be doing excellent work r.e early intervention about toxic relationships so I think it's a good opportunity. I'll also be helping with phrasing and accent so won't be a complete killjoy.

OP posts:
CharityFunDay · 07/09/2013 22:02

Is this a pisstake?

Finola1step · 07/09/2013 22:02

Well, Bill kills Nancy in the end so the message should hit home pretty hard.

MammaTJ · 07/09/2013 22:04

Can she sing it in tune?

Clearly the woman who sings this is in an EA relationship. Anyone who even views the musical knows that. I would not have thought any lecturing was needed, unless your DD is particularly vulnerable.

mrspremise · 07/09/2013 22:09

A thirteen year old girl playing Nancy? Who is a prostitute in an abusive relationship and who is eventually beaten to death by her lover? And you're OK with this apart from one song? Really? Shock

FFS...Confused

Catsize · 07/09/2013 22:09

Eh..?

AlfalfaMum · 07/09/2013 22:10

YANBU, sings like that are a good opportunity to open up discussion (arguably their only purpose..)
I effing hate Blurred Lines (well, tbh I thought it was really catchy until I listened to the lyrics!), but it gave me the chance to have some damn good chats with dd1 about issues like consent and misogyny. It hit home too, today she showed me a parody of Blurred Lines and we laughed at what a #CREEP Robin Thicke is Grin

Original poster
VaultFullOfTwizzlers · 07/09/2013 22:11

No it isn't a pisstake Confused

I have pointed out that Nancy thinks that Bill will improve as long as she loves him enough but that these men never do. They get worse and he ends up killing her.

She is very young though, I would have thought, for this part.

OP posts:
Original poster
VaultFullOfTwizzlers · 07/09/2013 22:12

The prostitution aspect is massively played down in the film isn't it? She is a barmaid and former thief.

OP posts:
Original poster
VaultFullOfTwizzlers · 07/09/2013 22:15

Oh Christ, should have mentioned that it is a CHILDREN'S stage school production and will be adjusted accordingly. DD happens to be in the oldest group so Fagin, Bill etc will all be cast from teens.

Totally understand the outraged comments now Shock

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friendslikethese · 07/09/2013 22:16

I don't think you're unreasonable. I think it's a really good idea to discuss these things - these messages do sink in through songs and films and well-known books.

BTW, the "real" (Grin) Nancy was only about 17 anyway.

Original poster
VaultFullOfTwizzlers · 07/09/2013 22:20

Yes, seventeen in the book, but what a life...

I am still aghast that I have come across as a vile pushy mother pimping her DD to the local am dram production when she is far too young to be playing the part of a grown woman Blush

Primary schools do Oliver too, in an appropriate way. It's just the song.

OP posts:
BoozyBear · 07/09/2013 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pianodoodle · 07/09/2013 22:26

Maybe not a lecture as such but yes worth talking about with your DD in an age appropriate context e.g that it isn't a good thing to be so devoted to someone who treats you badly etc...

Original poster
VaultFullOfTwizzlers · 07/09/2013 22:36

To be fair BoozyBear I didn't make myself clear, but Saturday Night Loons made me laugh.

pianodoodle that's more like it and Alfalfa yes we have been watching that parody too.

I hate that songs and media promote this sort of shit about EA. I was bombarded with it as a young person. DD and I had similar discussions regarding the Twilight films.

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Original poster
VaultFullOfTwizzlers · 07/09/2013 23:06

Sorry MammaTJ, to answer your question, she can sing it in tune. It's beyond my range but suits hers.

It might well be cut from the whole production for all I know and just an audition piece.

Have just remembered that, "it's a fine life" contains these lyrics:

Though you sometimes do come by
The occasional black eye
You can always cover one
'Til he blacks the other one
But you don't dare cry.

Very cheerfully sung iirc, but it was about a less-enlightened age and filmed during one as well.

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LiegeAndLief · 07/09/2013 23:14

We did this play at primary school when I was about 10. Nancy was played by an 8 year old I think. And we did it's a fine life with those words.

Seems kind of inappropriate in hindsight, but it really didn't at all at the time! I was very jealous of the girl who played Nancy though.

JulietBravoJuliet · 07/09/2013 23:17

I think you're over thinking it a bit TBH... I played Nancy at 14 and in no way do I feel EA or even physically abusive relationships are the norm. It's a play!

Birdsgottafly · 07/09/2013 23:18

It doesn't have to be a lecture.

There is a very abusive relationship happening in Hollyoaks at present. There has been some excellent scenes and I have taken the opportunity to talk them through with my teens.

I have used Hollyoaks story lines a lot, but they are two way discussions rather than lectures.

wearingpurple · 07/09/2013 23:20

YANBU at all - I guess she'll get the message from the general awfulness of Bill Sykes but it bears repeating, for sure.

My dds were in a production of Bugsy Malone earlier this year, in which a 10 year old girl played Tallulah: 'my name is Tallulah/I'll live till I die/I'll take what you give me/And I won't ask why'.

Must admit, I wasn't entirely comfortable with it. The dds had no clue at all what it was about though.

Original poster
VaultFullOfTwizzlers · 07/09/2013 23:24

So eight and fourteen year olds playing Nancy are fine. Thank god for that!

I do tend to over-think things. After all, Nancy didn't have DD's life as a much-loved child and needed a strong male protector given her profession.

So perhaps IABU because it should all be obvious. My parents were bloody awful and I ended up in a similar situation. Maybe I'm projecting and should stop with the comments.

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PresidentServalan · 08/09/2013 01:22

My school did Oliver and none of us gave a thought to the meaning of the songs. Tbh that sort of thing often goes right over a kid's head. And if she did think about it, given that Bill murders Nancy, it is hardly the romantic tale of the century!!

NoComet · 08/09/2013 01:38

My DSIS did Oliver at primary school in the '70's, there are definitely toned down versions.

Original poster
VaultFullOfTwizzlers · 08/09/2013 01:41

Wrongipedia was interesting about the song. There was originally a coda saying that Nancy realised that she had a love for the child Oliver which overrode the sexual attraction for Sykes / Ollie Reid in his prime.

OP posts:
Sparklymommy · 08/09/2013 08:12

Plays like Oliver are good ways of teaching children about these issues. How ridiculous to think a 13 year old isn't old enough to play Nancy. She's meant to be 15-17 isn't she?

digerd · 08/09/2013 08:41

I saw a production given by a Catholic Boys School in the early 70s.
It was so brilliantly acted and sung. Fagin and Nancy were played by teachers. And Fagin disapproved of Sykes violence towards Nancy. The story did not promote DV as normal.

Enjoy the performance OP < with tears of pride in your DD>

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