To not want all my mothers facebook friends (Who she doesn't know) to see all the photos of my daughter?

[GingerBlackAndOriental]

My mother lives 6+ hours away. We keep in touch via facebook and occasional skyping.

I have high privacy settings on my facebook. I only have friends and family on my friends list. She has 300+ friends a good few of whom she added through her facebook games, so as far as I'm concerned these are strangers. She's never met them, she doesn't know them.

Not so long ago she was nearly the victim of a bankers draft scam from some man that befriended her on FB, talked to her for a few months then arranged to meet, asked her to cash a bankers draft for him. So this just proved to me she has no idea about who a lot of these people are.

AIBU to not want her to tag herself in all the photo's of my daughter that I upload? She can see them whenever she wants, but I have set it so she can't tag herself in them so that her 'friends' can't see them all. She's pretty pissed off, saying that I'm separating her from our life and pushing her out.

OP I completely feel for you. My MIL does this and I HATE it.

Well, then don't cut her off, but remove her from FB. I did this with my brother who abused the forum to rant at me when drunk slur my mother with bad names (she is dead, they had a bad relationship, me and her didn't) and threaten to kill himself. I said I wanted a relationship with him, but I would want it through normal channels of telephone conversations, actual visits, and we can use email for general stuff like sharing photos. Although he has taken this as me cutting him off and not wanting anything to do with him. I have periodically called him and left a message or emailed him asking how he is and reminding him FB is not the only form of communication, but that's his choice.

As it will be your mother's. It is for this reason that I keep considering removing myself from FB. I don't use it to splash ridiculous statuses, share my passive aggressive annoyances at friends, colleagues or acquaintances. I DO use it to share photos of family as I live in a different part of the country to some family members and a completely different country to others, and so it's a quick and easy way for us all to communicate with each other the progress of the cousins etc. None have been tagged that shouldn't be, and if they were I would remove them immediately. All my family members have strict sharing security on, including me, and I have a very small number of 'friends' on FB, only those who are actual friends, or family members. But, maybe it's better for these type of reasons and the arguments FB seems to cause to just remove it.

Norks What is that thread about? Sorry not heard of it, where is it? I know I am not responsible for her happiness. I've actually said those exact words to her before I'm sure of it! I just don't want to make her miserable on purpose, I don't see why she can't just accept my reasoning as I think it's perfectly reasonable!

MyDoctor

I have all my albums set to friends only. Thanks for that tip on friends of friends seeing photo's they are tagged in, I will look at that now.

She has a choice - accept your wishes or not see the photos.

Her loss.

Boozy

You have to set the custom settings as DTisMyDoctor has so kindly described at the top of this page. Otherwise friends of people who are tagged can see them too. I hadn't seen this option before.

Thanks DTisMyDoctor. If I had known that beforehand it would have saved all this hassle.

She sounds like a right twat.

But why put photos (NOT photo's) of your kids on facebook at all? Do they have any say in the fact that their photos are all over the Internet?

Sounds like you'd be much better off creating a list of people you'd like to see the photos, eg far-flung family, and emailing them the pics. I agree, uploading photos to Facebook, regardless of your personal privacy settings, is agreeing for them to be used by FB or any of its partners for any reason whatsoever, and you have zero control over that - once it's online, it's there forever. By emailing them, or creating a closed and locked Flickr account, you can stay in contact, but it just won't be through a forum that is so easy for others to abuse. Or just post actual photos.

Tigger

Apologies for the incorrectly used apostrophe. The answer to your first question is in my OP if you managed to read it all. Family who lives far away who we never see can see them, and we all keep up to date with each others lives there.

To your second question, no they do not have a say (for now) She's 18 months old so you can assume she has no idea what the internet is. I like the fact that if touch wood I had a house fire or burglary I know I have copies stored online of my photos, a few people have suggested alternative places to store online and I thank them for that.

If you actually have anything constructive to add to your previous useless post then I'd really appreciate it.

Ginger YANBU, however, all photos uploaded to facebook are then put on an external website by facebook. You can have a the privacy settings you like, but your photos can still be seen on/copied from this external website. (I have an uber techy friend who told and showed me.)

Really? It's just open to the public? Can you link me to this external website please?

I don't know what it's called but I can ask my techy friend again. I've tried to tell people before but it doesn't seem to be a v well known fact as I just get faces! I'm v careful about which photos I put on facebook now. I saw a report recently about dating websites picking random photos off social networking sites and using them to create fake accounts to boost numbers

Please do get back to the thread with it if you remember. I can totally believe dating websites doing that. I can also see random people just making fake profiles using other peoples pictures too. I have my albums set all to private (apart from cover photos, which are public by default so I keep them generic)

I google myself quite regularly, and the children, in various names, nicknames that I might be known as, or they might be known as, and my maiden name, just to make sure there are no information or photos accessible via the internet in any form. (but, I am relatively more paranoid about stuff due to the nature of my job).

I did this with DH, and there was one photo of him as he hadn't sorted his privacy settings properly - I logged onto his account and make them strictly private, how ironic is that

Happy to help OP re: custom settings. Did you figure them out ok?

Yup. Sorted thanks.

YABU, I'm afraid. By putting photos of your daughter online, anyone who can view them can also copy them, keep them, send them to whomever they choose, do what they want with them. Don't put anything in Facebook you wouldn't be happy sharing with strangers.

How am I being unreasonable though mama?

Yes anyone who can view them can do that if they were that way inclined, which is why I am so picky about who can view them.

Do you think my mum has every right to go against my wishes and let every tom dick and harry stranger on her facebook see them?