AIBU to feel guilty about this?!!...

[crabbiepattie]

I'm starting uni in two weeks time. It's a teaching course that I've wanted to do for a good long time. I've already deferred a year due to childcare issues.
I have 3 DCs. 4 yo DS and 2.8 DTGs. DS has started school full time and MIL has agreed to have him after school on the dad I'm in lectures/on placement. DH works from home and will be doing the school runs which are all either a 5 min walk away or a five min drive. DTGs will be going to pre school in the am then picked up by DH at 11:45 and brought home for lunch where MIL will be to see to them while DH goes back to the office till its time to run them down to Nursery till 5:30. Nursery will then drop DTGs off at SILs for all of 15-20 mins till either DH finishes work @ 6pm or I get home from Uni. Thursdays my mum has DTGs straight after pre school till tea time.

No one has actually said anything to me but neither has anyone reassured me that helping me out is not a problem. I've been a SAHM since before DS was born!! So Ive been home/a housewife for a good 5 years nearly. I've fought really hard to get my place because under the ELQ rules i shouldn't have gotten funding again but due to mitigating circumstances I had my funding reinstated.

It just feels like everything and everyone is against me on this and that I should just cut my losses and accept that I'm destined to be a stay at home mum forever!! But that's not what I want!! That's not what I want my kids to see me as. I really think I deserve this chance to make things better for me and my family. Having the qualification to teach what I'm passionate about will not only mean a better job and more money for the family but a happier me/mum/wife so surely in that; my family should be a bit more outwardly positive about this for me??

Well done for chasing your dreams, and hope it all goes well.

Maybe because your mum, MIL and DH are doing so much to practically help you out they don't feel they need to verbalise out loud how they feel.

I'm not sure, just putting it out there as an idea.

If I were you I'd just have a word with your DH and your MIL just to settle your nerves.

YANBU to feel nervous, but don't feel guilty.

Have you asked for any reassurance?

Will they think you need it? You sound very determined and strong to me (I know that doesn't mean anything as such)

They're probably doing all that stuff because they love you and want to do something to help you out (mainly not talking about your DH, which is different).

You've said yourself they haven't actually done anything negative but have offered all sorts of childcare, they sound lovely

If you need reassurance (and I think it's brilliant), ask for it!

Wow! you sound so organised and your childcare arrangements are all in place. Do you think you are having a 'new girl' wobble about going back to studying? Just go for it, this is your chance. Life is very uncertain and having a career ahead of you is a good idea. Good luck :)

Take a deep breath and just jump in!

Is some of this about leaving your DTs?

If it is, they're going to have tons of fun as well as a happy mum

Lol don't forget my SIL!!
Once Jan comes round and the girls are 3, they'll be able to say in wrap around so MIL won't need to watch them at lunch times for me.

Argh!! I just don't want to let everyone down because I'm asking so much of them all!!

Thankyou for your reply Needlesxxxxx

You won't let them down, and they'd have said no if it was asking too much, Jan will come round soon enough.

Ah just seen everyone else's replies!! Thank you so much!!

Yep I think I am having a bit of new girl wobbles. I suffered with really bad pnd and anxiety after having all three DCs and my family were there for me then.

I think I'll be the oldest in the class (about 10 students in total i think!) so stressing about that!! Also stressing about money etc!! Aargh!! And leaving my babies :-(

I went back to do some GCSE's in my 20's and was with 16 YO's. I know it doesn't sound much of a gap but it actually was, they were a lovely bunch and didn't make me feel different because of my age.

You'll always stress about money, this time you're making an invaluable investment.

Your babies will still be there, and you'll still be there for them.

It'll work out fine.

Relax and enjoy it

Thankyou zigzag xxx you've made me feel much better xxx

Don't feel guilty...sounds great. Good luck. I hope to do something similar in a few years time.

Have your MIL and SIL offered to have your children or did you ask them and they've reluctantly accepted? If they've offered, you're being paranoid :)

Hiya,

Don't sweat it - you have a great set up there. I'm at uni, my DD goes childminder every day for drop off to school and two hours after. A friend helps out on the late night, too. I don't have lectures every day, but I'm in the final year, so this is the first time I've decided to have her in full time childcare.

The main thing is ; she is fed, happy and looked after. Your DCS sound as though they are- don't worry about anything else! Oh, I'm the oldest student too. Just make the banter about being a cougar and not understanding instagram and snapchat, and you will be fine!

I am off to uni next week, away during week, home at weekends. My DP will cope with DC, with paid after school childcare. I will miss my DC like crazy but it is ultimately for their benefit as much as mine! Do not feel guilty. I won't (much)

Feel free to PM me as we are going through similar experiences.

Red locks MIL didn't offer but we asked and she didnt have a problem with it. And SIL offered when DH was discussing the predicament of girls nursery finishing at half five instead of six like we thought!!

Mamma away during the week omg?! U must be so strong to do that!! I admire you for that xxx good luck xxx

I am just old at 46, now or never!! Their Dad looks after them during bed time and getting up for school, breakfast, lunchboxes, dressed in uniform three times a week, which has turned in to all the time because I don't want to interfere with their routines!! This is because I work three nights a week anyway, so no great changes!!

I went through a similar thing. I'm a single parent about to begin the 2nd year of my degree course.

It'll work out fine. It's just because it's such a big lifestyle change. All your helpers might also be a little nervous and maybe that's what you might be picking up on, but they'll all settle into it too. When I told my mum that I would need her to help out more with childcare, she did look a bit panicked! But actually I haven't needed her as much as I thought and uni's are SO understanding when it comes to childcare. I have sometimes had to ask to leave a bit early, or get first dibs on start times when there is a choice.

After my initial excitement and determination to study at uni, when it was all set to go, I was flooded with guilt, thinking I was being selfish. But it's just normal life now!

At 41, I am one of the oldest in my class! This has it's advantages; at our age we're more focused, without the distractions of boys and booze (not half as distracting as having kids, I promise you). And life experience counts for a lot. I'm pretty sure you won't be the only one with kids in your class anyway.

It'll be an amazing experience. And you'll have the drive of wanting to suceed for your children...you can't beat that for motivation.

Wow MammaTJ Away in the week. You will get loads done! What a great thing to do.

Sorry but I know some gp who have agreed to help with child care, only because they are nice people and want to help their children or didn't know how to say no. They haven't actually wanted to do it at all.
Mil and sil may have agreed happily to begin with and only later thought through the implications.
Otoh they might be perfectly happy to do it.

I think you need to let them know that you are aware it is a huge ask and that you will review it later. It helps that in January it will get easier.

In the end several gps I know, had to say that it wasn't working as they got more and more frustrated that they couldn't live their lives as they wanted and had gotten used to.

Review the situation after a while but don't expect too much of everybody. It's not fair.

Remember that this only til January, so assuming term time only you are asking for 12 weeks of help. It's nothing and January will be there before you know it.