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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think when returning favours

36 replies

whatsmyshibboleth · 07/09/2013 16:03

it should be judged by the amount of effort put in and not necessarily the financial worth of the job?
Someone did us some drawings for some work that we are doing on our house and it probably took a couple of hours at most but was worth about £400-500 (structural engineering).
Now they are asking me to do some work which is physically demanding and will take me about 4 full weekends to complete. I'd also need to get childcare. The finished result would be about the same value as the work they did iykwim. I'd rather pay them for the work they did to be honest, I'm trying to worm my way out of it but would that just be rude.
I also have a 12 week old and have returned to work this week so I'm knackered.

OP posts:

HorsePetal · 07/09/2013 16:06

Was there any sort of agreement in place before they did this work for you?

makemineamalibuandpineapple · 07/09/2013 16:15

Just be firm and say you will pay them. You don't even have to give a reason but if you want to them just say that it really isn't convenient.

Imnotaslimjim · 07/09/2013 16:16

Seriously? I think they're being a little unreasonable to expect you to give up 4 weekends AND swallow the cost/inconvenience of childcare to boot!

I would be havign a word with them, just in case they have realised the implications of what they're asking of you

AMumInScotland · 07/09/2013 16:17

If they are starting to ask for something as specific as that, it isn't "returning a favour", but demanding payment. In which case, if you are able to pay them in cash then I think that is the simplest thing.

Favours aren't about monetary value, they are about time/effort/helping someone out. Your "friends" are being bloody cheeky. Pay them and ditch them.

Saffyz · 07/09/2013 17:03

How do you know it would have taken them "a couple of hours at most"? Did you ask them the price before they started?

Effective · 07/09/2013 17:10

Tbh, i couldn't ask/accept a favour that was worth £400.

Otoh, I've never heard of favours being defined and repaid directly. It's more that if youve got one in the bank you're more comfortable when you need to ask you don't demand repayment equal in time or money, do you?

OnTheBottomWithAWomensWeekly · 07/09/2013 17:39

Its not just about time though is it? If you get something worth 400 pounds and give something worth a fraction of that, how is that fair either?

If it was a proper swop of talent you should have worked it all at the start. If they said they were doing you an actual favour, you don't have to do anything in return.

Nicola19 · 07/09/2013 21:03

Crikey, of course you shouldn't have to do this work, with a twelve week old baby! I am just imagining you lugging pieces of rubble about in a muddy back garden and taking your breaks to feed the child!

AgentZigzag · 07/09/2013 21:07

You've got a small baby and they think it's appropriate to ask you to graft for four weekends??

What kind of fuckwit would do that?

What other kinds of expectations do they have?

expatinscotland · 07/09/2013 21:11

Be very firm: I really appreciate the work you did for us. Will £400 do (willing to go up to £500)? I'm too committed to have time to do the work you would like so I'd rather pay you for the work and call it even.'

Original poster

whatsmyshibboleth · 07/09/2013 22:47

we are doing up the house and we know several people who are in different trades. people have helped with plastering, building, demolishing and general lugging about. in return my partner fixes their cars or helps with their jobs around the house. nothing is specifically worked out it just kind of works. This new guy is new on the scene and we asked him to do the work as we were in a hurry fully expecting to pay. He said don't worry about it so it's just assumed if he needs a favour in the future we'll help out. turns out the favour requires my expertise.
He mentioned it to my partner and he said ok, not fully understanding what he wanted. now I either have to do it all on my own and struggle or have dp there and find some childcare. I mentioned he'd have to find childcare, pay for the workshop hours and the materials and he looked less keen but still expects it. I never officially agreed but said draw what you want and I'll have a look. money is tight at the minute as 2 kids in childcare so I don't think paying is an option. (It would have been ok a year ago when he did the work.)

OP posts:

Original poster

whatsmyshibboleth · 07/09/2013 22:49

plus I didn't know how much his work was worth until he did a job for another friend and charged them a fortune.

OP posts:

echt · 07/09/2013 22:58

I was all fired up to say YANBU, but really, if he gave professional help, then he's not unreasonable to want it in return. How long would it take for your expertise to clock up 400 pounds worth of time?

BrokenSunglasses · 07/09/2013 23:02

Do you think he knew it would take you four full weekends when he asked?

I think if you've entered into an informal arrangement like this, then you do have to accept that it's going to be a pain in the arse for you sometimes and I think you are going to have to put yourself out at some point for this person. Four weekends is excessive though, and I think it's ok for you to explain the job and how much time it will take, and tell him you can't commit to having it all done any time soon as you have a small baby.

Original poster

whatsmyshibboleth · 07/09/2013 23:04

it would take me about a week and a half to earn the money. it would take me about the same amount of time to do the job he requires. the thing is he has 5 houses and no children. I don't think he understands what he's asking from me.

OP posts:

Ifcatshadthumbs · 07/09/2013 23:08

Hmm tough one. DH has often done work related favours for friends in return for their help. Because of the nature of what he does he has to give more of his time than his friend does but the "value" is the same.

I think you should pay him or do the work. He saved you a considerable amount of money.

Costypop · 07/09/2013 23:18

My partner does structural drawings, for a standard house you are looking at 12-20hours work, not just a few hours, they may look simple but trust me they are not. And yes I think it's fair to do a favour of the same value, that's the whole point isn't it????

Costypop · 07/09/2013 23:21

Oh and £400 for drawings is cheap btw :)

Original poster

whatsmyshibboleth · 07/09/2013 23:23

That's what I thought. Just have to bite the bullet and get it out of the way I guess. The thing is with the cost of childcare offsetting my wages it actually takes me a month to earn £400 and it is much needed in the household. I'm not sure where I'll find a babysitter I trust to do that much babysitting either. It's just bad timing really. Our house is a shit hole at the minute with 101 jobs I need to do for myself so I might avoid him for a while and wait till I'm a bit more fit and energetic.

OP posts:

HugoDarling · 07/09/2013 23:27

YABU, £400-500 is a lot of time and money, far more than the average favour. You should at least have the decency to say that you will do it this side of Christmas.

TwoMuchTwoYoung · 07/09/2013 23:29

What exactly is it he's asking you to do?

Ifcatshadthumbs · 07/09/2013 23:31

I don't think avoiding him is fair. At least be straight with the guy.

Original poster

whatsmyshibboleth · 07/09/2013 23:35

That was a guesstimate price really. The original question was more a matter of what's worth more, time or money. He did drawings to remove 2 walls in the roof and replace with steel beams. just needed to know what size steels we needed. He would like me to make a pair of bespoke, pine, internal, glazed and panelled doors and fit them. I also think he wanted me to supply the materials.

OP posts:

Ifcatshadthumbs · 07/09/2013 23:39

Well some people's time and skills are worth more money than others that just life.

BOF · 07/09/2013 23:41

He is taking the piss.

Totally unreasonable of him.

The Olympic logo (shitty) cost £450,000. It still wouldn't be a fair trade for your labour.

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