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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lodger's guests

52 replies

MissDollieMountshaft · 07/09/2013 14:38

Hello, I've just rented out two rooms in my house to two lodgers.

They are both nice girls and get on. The rent is inclusive of all bills and they are getting a good deal.

The thing is their guests. It's oonly been just over a week, one had her boyfriend over last weekend and he's here again this weekend (she didn't ask if he could stay) The other asked before she moved in if her boyfriend could stay over for a coupe of nights this week and I said yes but also said that it was about 'balance' (when I said said, I mean texted). He arrived on Wednesday and is still here on Saturday.

AIBU to be worried about this. It's a small house and two couples and me is too much and also there's all the extra bills which seems mean but I'm running on a very tight budget.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks so much.

OP posts:
JaxTellerIsAllMine · 07/09/2013 20:24

I thought as a lodger you bought your own food/drinks/cleaning stuff etc and put them in a shelf in designated cupboard/fridge/freezer.

The landlord usually does cleaning of communal areas with exception of kitchen/bathroom in my mind.

Talk to them, nip it in the bud now. Otherwise resentment and serious piss taking will ensue.

TweedWasSoLastYear · 07/09/2013 20:34

If you had advertised for a single room , with room rate applicable for a single person then you are well within your rights to put a cap on the free loaders.
1 mid week and 1 weekend night would be fair, and maybe ask if they could not be on the same night ? That way there is only ever 1 extra person around taking up bathrooom time.
Also worth asking them to respect the 'If your not here , then neither is your b/f' . Imagine walking out of the shower and meeting some random bloke in his pants in the hall . No thanks.

expatinscotland · 07/09/2013 20:39

Wow, they have it made! I want to live with you.

AllDirections · 07/09/2013 22:19

I've had a lodger for 4 months now and it's been a learning curve. He's been a friend for a long time and I knew that visitors would be a problem for me so we had a chat about it before I agreed to him lodging here.

To begin my lodger was behaving like we were sharing a house but we're not. He's renting a room here and it's a different situation totally. I do the cleaning, pay the bills and deal with any home improvements. I think that basically a lodger has no say in the way that a home is run, they either agree to the rules or they don't live there.

My lodger lives here with his 18 month old DS and his 2 other children are here quite a bit too. The 19 year old half sibling of his little DS was coming round to see him along with her younger sibling, her boyfriend, her best friend, etc. and my lodger would leave them all to it. I felt like an outsider in my own home so I put a stop to that straight away.

cjel · 07/09/2013 22:31

There is no way my lodgers would have people staying over like this, its taking the micky and they are bad lodgers. they are renting the room not their other halves and if you had wanted couples you would have advertised for that. They are paying for one person to stay in one room of your house. I wouldn't want to be made to feel the odd one out and I wouldn't feel comfortable with blokes around the place all the time, I know loads of people who rent out rooms Ginger and none would think this is acceptable.

I would sit them down and say that you are new to this and are very sorry but you feel you don't want others staying (at all, more than one night a week - or whatever you feel ok about) if they don't like it they can move on and you can get some lodgers who are more considerate.

whois · 07/09/2013 22:38

You need to decide what you are happy with. Don't confuse the money with the inconvenience of them staying. Either it annoys you because it's too many people, or it's the money. One or the other. If you say it's the money they might be happy to pay an additional amount and you'll still be annoyed with the extra people.

How to bring it up? Just have a chat with them both one at a time: "I think we need to talk about overnight guests. I hadn't realised that you were intending on having your boyfriend over to stay so much, the room price and arrangements were really set for an individual, not for someone with a partner staying over. The flat is too small for so may people, and the arrangements aren't suitable at the moment < list out reasons> " ask what they think is fair. Say what you want. Get them to agree or be prepared for them to move out BUT at least you know to have this covo upfront next time.

Worth having 'house rules' agreed and signed before they move in I think.

maddy68 · 08/09/2013 08:14

It's a tricky one. As tbh if I was renting a room I would expect to be allowed to invite whoever I want there. You need to have a talk about overnight guests. Say no more than once a week for example and perhaps ask them for an additional charge of £5pppn to cover inconvenience and water etc

southeastdweller · 09/09/2013 21:01

So did you speak to them?

Original poster
MissDollieMountshaft · 17/09/2013 19:14

Hello, Soo sorry for the satelleite (sp) delay. Thanks so much for all of your help and advice. I did speak to them but apparently was too unspecific as both boyfriends were here again this weekend. So had a very open conversation on Sunday and xplained that I thought the house was too small for regular guests and that they had to balance out the extra bills and bodies by no more than two nights in a row and alternating weekends - also managed to swing them cleaning their own bathroom ( I have a shower room). One was super fine with it. One is in a bit of a mood with me. But I'm really happy with the outcome. Thanks so much, I wouldn't have handled it at all well let alone successfully without everyone's help.

OP posts:
Turniptwirl · 17/09/2013 19:27

Glad it turned out ok :-)

I think you're right to limit overnight guests, even in a house share its annoying if one housemate constantly has bf staying over, but when you're a live in LL I bet it's worse!

I rent a room and have had over night guests about three times, twice was a parent (separately), which I asked permission for as they had my room and I slept on the couch downstairs. Other time was a friend who had my floor so may not have asked for that one. I stay at a friends at least one weekend a month, so far more than I have people here!

At least you've learned to spell it out next time!

eretrew · 17/09/2013 19:31

What did you put in the contract? If you did not mention anything about guests you have no leg to stand on.

Retroformica · 17/09/2013 19:43

Have a house meeting (minus men) with bottle of wine and nicely chat about it. Give them the problem. Say you don't mind them staying 3 nights but you are worried about all the electrics, water, loo roll costs etc. ask them to work our a fair way if doing things.

if the men are there 3 or 4 days each week, then they need to pay towards bills. They are effectively living with you part time.

I suggest you get the girls to pay bills and rent separately. The bills should be split 4 ways with the 4th bit being split in two and given to each boyfriend (or the girlfriend)

Retroformica · 17/09/2013 19:45

Great outcome!

BelaLug0si · 17/09/2013 23:50

Eretrew - my understanding is that lodging in someone's house does not require contact nor does it confer tenancy rights. However I'm not a lawyer.

BelaLug0si · 17/09/2013 23:50

contract

rockchic65 · 07/02/2017 19:49

Hi i need advice i rented out a room for one person the rules i gave him was he can have his gf stay up to 3 nights a week.there are sunday dinners that i cook for him aswell as my family the point is he sneaks his gf in every night without asking me i have told him that she is only allowed to stay 3 nights which he ignored shes been here 2 weeks already .not only that i went into his room to shut the window as some of the doors where slamming due to winds .to my horror the room was a pig sty no sheets on the bed stains on the new mattress burn marks on the carpet where as its a non smoking house i have told him every day she cant stay more than 3 nights a week she has to go he wont lissen so im thinking of giving him a months notice to leave he also feeds her from what i have in my fridge im so stressed out

Trifleorbust · 07/02/2017 19:57

Should have been sorted before you let them move in. I wouldn't expect to have to pay extra for a polite overnight or weekend guest, at all.

Auspiciouspanda · 07/02/2017 19:57

You need to make your own thread as most people will jut read and reply to the original post

lifetothefull · 07/02/2017 20:10

kick them out rockchic. That's unreasonable behaviour. I don't even think you need to give notice for that.

Trifleorbust · 07/02/2017 20:21

Zombie!

Trifleorbust · 07/02/2017 20:22

Sorry, I actually only just noticed the new OP asking for help. Kick them out immediately. Do start your own thread though.

rockchic65 · 07/02/2017 20:27

Oh ok sorry didnt know where to post my message

harderandharder2breathe · 07/02/2017 20:29

You need to address it straight away. It is their home and they should be able to have guests but it's a shared home so there needs to be consideration of others as well.

Decide what you are happy with, e.g. 2 nights a week and make it clear what happens if they go over that (extra charge? Give them notice?) it's also worth saying you'd like advance notice so you don't feel like you're constantly walking into a fraught situation (only casually like "btw bf is staying tonight")

I've been a lodger and while I was single at the time I had friends or my parents to stay at various times and always let landlady know out of courtesy

harderandharder2breathe · 07/02/2017 20:30

Oh fucking hell its a zombie!

New poster start your own thread and get rid of the lodger, he sounds sneaky

jessebuni · 30/09/2017 23:40

Glad you got it sorted OP. Well fingers crossed they stick to it anyway.

Its a learning curve I think. By the time one or both of these girls move on later down the line you will know what rules to put out clearly in writing for next time.