Mumsnet jury - 18 minutes to make judgement

[laicepsgnileeF]

17 year old dd has started at a new school.

She came home last night in a foul mood - combination of tired after first week and time of the month.

I asked her if there was anything on this weekend she said there was hockey. I asked what time so that I knew what time we would have to take her, both our house and the playing fields are remote and an hour apart.

She said she didn't know what time it was, and I pointed out that didn't help much. Suggested she found out what time it was. She then refused to talk to me for the rest of the night.

I have found the time of the hockey, and she did say good morning this morning. Do I a) stick with my plan last night of she's 17 she has to take responsibility or b) give her a break (as usual) and let her know when hockey is?

Due to travelling time and getting ready I will have to let her know at 9am if she is doing so.

Does she actually want to go to hockey - or do you think she'd prefer to miss it and chill out?

Tell her

Be kind, tell her. If it was your dh or a friend you'd tell them wouldn't you??

Yeah, in that case I would tell her.

Tell her!

Does she even want to go? She doesn't sound enthusiastic. Ask her what she'd like to do today... let her decide.

Starting a new school at that age is really, really difficult.

I would tell her.

Ok - thought you lot were meant to be a list of vipers - just not where the kids are concerned yeah?!?

I will show her the website, I will lead her to apologising, if she apologises I will take her, if not then at least she knows where it is for future events!

Surely a 'thank you mum, for finding the hockey times' would suffice?

FGS just tell her! I really don't understand this sort of attitude some parent's have! What do you gain from it?

I have an almost 17yo, if it were him I would just tell him. He'd say "cheers mum" and off we'd go!

Please just sort it. Your post has had me all tensed up and taken me back over thirty years. I needed leading and telling when I was young. My Mum wouldn't do it. She'd find out the times and then tell me that because I'd done such and such I couldn't go to swimming or hockey at such and such a time because I'd been such a bitch. Admittedly we now know my Mother's a narc and would use every opportunity available to put me down, hit me, make me in the wrong, but I would have killed (still would) for a Mum to have put her arms round me and say Sorry you had a rotten day yesterday, I've sorted out the times for you, what would you like to do?

Maybe we fuel the attitude off each other, but if my daughter last night had said I can't find the time any ideas or anything reasonable, rather than being rude and arsey (bearing in mind whilst she was being rude and arsey I was still looking for the times I hadn't just washed my hands of it), I would have given her the time straight off.

But you will be pleased to know I have deposited the grumpy sod delightful child at hockey, and if I am inclined at the time I may also pick her up again too!!!

I find all this @17 I was .......very bizarre, we are all different and surely we should parent to the child and the need not some imaginary mumsnet conglomeration of I had a house, baby and job(very aspirational ? ) to I had 14 jobs, was found a music degree and only told my mother my flight times.

I agree littlemisswise it's making an issue over nothing!

I think some people are so keen to encourage them to be independent, they forget simple acts of kindness.