to think if this isn't an act of treason, it bloody well should be?

[WestieMamma]

I don't live in the UK.

Recently a new cafe/restaurant has opened up near me. A British one! We decided to go there for a treat today. I ordered a Devonshire () cream tea and WestiePappa wanted fish'n'chips.

My cream tea came with Swedish tea (I think Lipton's collect used teabags in England, dry them and then resell them in Sweden), 2 nice looking scones, strawberry jam and ... wait for it ... SQUIRTY CREAM! That's right, bloody squirty cream. A complete abomination in Britain name.

The fish and chips involved French fries and what appeared to be a giant fish shaped budget fish finger. The forrin waiter tried to convince us that it wasn't what we were expecting because it was haddock and us being Brits are used to cod . The British owner came out, realised immediately that this betrayal of her country was up, was very embarassed and gave us back our money.

Bring back hanging I say.

We didn't get haddock, we got compressed white fish flakes of no fixed identity. The 'haddock' line was a pathetic attempt to pull the wool over our eyes. The locals here wouldn't know haddock if it came up and bit them on the arse, the waiter assumed (wrongly) that being Brits we wouldn't know either.

OP, you must try their FEB and report back.

I can't. I'm not strong enough. I'm still too traumatised by the squirty cream.

I will assess your unreasonableness if you tell me which order you would apply the ingredients to your scone.

I do it the right way: butter, jam then cream.

I am happy to sign a petition and march on the Swedish embassy!

Westie the right way for a Devon cream tea is scone, clotted cream then jam. Jam then cream is Cornish.

I'm from Birkenhead. There's only one place beyond Birmingham, it's called Down South. It's all the same to me

That's terrible! Squirty cream has its place in society but with a cream tea it must be clotted cream! How awful for you, I am with the pp who suggested care packages to be sent to you!

Westie, have you contacted the Embassey? I am outraged on your behalf, this is a Diplomatic Incident.

Proper Devon cream teas aren't made with scones at all, it should be a Devonshire split, also known as a Chudleigh, which is made with yeast. Scones are easier to make, so they have invaded tea-time like knotweed.

If you're in southern Sweden get thee over the water to Copenhagen, I was an expat there and was delighted that the local British shop (Abigails) sells clotted cream in the freezer section. Bloody expensive but worth it for a hit every now and again!

Haddock is the preferred fish here, not much call for cod (Urgh).

I can understand your horror. The disgraceful attempts at American dishes over here are similarly bad.

Westie of course you do it the same as me right order.
Definitely treason then.
offers Yorkshire tea for the shock.