To despise the term "took me to the cleaners."

[Sparklysilversequins]

Two friends have told me this week that their DP's have said they will never marry them because they were "taken to the cleaners" by first wives. AIBU to think, No they got what they were legally entitled to when the marriage ended (for whatever reason) and you need to cough up, stop whining and being as bitter as a vat of Campari and using it as an excuse not to commit to your new partner.

Surely if this is your attitude you are subconsciously mistrusting, blaming and disliking the new partner for something that is perfectly fair and the expected consequence of a relationship breakdown and that was absolutely nothing to do with them anyway?

Fine if you don't want to marry again and risk your assets being split but you were not "taken to the cleaners", you are not a victim so stop using that term to imply that you are.

Yanbu but once bitten twice shy and all that.
It is a fact of marriage/divorce not that iv ever married that all assets are split equally or fairly.

It probably is just talk,in away to get out of ever marrying anyone else,it isn't essential to marry or remarry in this day and age so there is no need for them to talk about it unless they are just bitter like you said and are just sounding off.

I think it depends on the circumstances

If for example they were abusive/nasty, I suppose it's difficult not to feel bitter.

But I agree, they should try not to let it affect future relationships.

I don't like the phrase either.

Regardless of whether or not the other person deserves what they take from the marriage, the point is that when you agree to get married you agree to share everything. If you're not prepared to do that, don't get married. Granted that's exactly what some of these "taken to the cleaners men" are doing second time round, but if you don't want to give that degree of commitment, you can't expect to receive it either - which means you have no right to expect the woman in your life to behave in every which way like a wife but with none of the legal protections. You can't have your cake and eat it.

IME, the sorts of men who spout this vitriol tend to be ones who conveniently overlook the fact that their XW's spent years running round after them and the DC to allow their Hs to build a career unfettered by mundane domestic stuff.