Family allotment

[msty1]

My DW seems to think I am being selfish and unreasonable because I want an allotment.
Said space is going to be aimed at several objectives, growing food, a family activity that can span the ages, exercise, teaching our son the way the natural world works, spending time together and possibly adding some flavour to my homebrew.
I am being accused of being selfish for wanting said allotment, that it is not the right time because DS is too young (at the moment maybe) and I don't maintain the garden we currently have. Latter is almost a fair point, I don't maintain the side garden which was earmarked for levelling and slabbing 18 months ago but no agreement reached on what should actually happen. My attitude is, therefore, there is no point spending effort weeding it for no actual benefit.. for that I am deemed selfish. Should point out - weeded or not - it is not a usable space.
I maintain the back garden - lawn/hedge. Planted a blackberry bush to cover a gap and train that away from the neighbours.
Should I maintain a piece of land that in it's current state has no useful purpose ahead of creating a growing space half a mile away (growing space not an option in wifes eyes for our land) when getting an allotment is rare. I was told 2-3 years, the offer has come in because... the 2 people ahead of me in the queue have delayed due to being with child.
Should I stick or should I leave the idea alone?

I can see your wife's point - you have enough that hasn't been finished on your existing garden, without starting a new project. I also understand how long the waiting lists are and that you see it as a separate project to garden maintenance.

I'd 100% take the allotment, but try and dedicate some time to sorting out your own garden to keep your wife happy!

Take the allotment and make an agreement on time to be spent there. Ur dw gets the same time to herself to be dc free or at a hobby.

Plan an agreement for side garden and stick to it.

no child is too young for an allotment. Even toddlers can grow a few flowers or pumkins with a little help and she would benefit from a break from the children if you took them with you when you go to the allotment. You can even put a few children outdoor toys on it for them

Allotments can be like gold dust so it seems a shame to pass the chance over. She might come round if you can reassure her on a couple of things.

Is your wife concerned that home will come second to the allotment? She may worry about costs incurred. How good is mobile reception there? Would you ration hours spent doing the laborious heavy stuff because it won't be a safe play area for the DCs to run free.

Perhaps carrying out the long awaited levelling and paving task will reassure your wife you won't tire of the allotment once the novelty wears off. At least sorting out the paving or digging it over and returfing will show her you care sufficiently about where your DCs are growing up. Hazardous or not is that unused area an eyesore?

In persuading her you may gloss over the tiny but pertinent detail this opportunity came about because others ahead of you are starting a family. They presumably can't bank on having spare time or money for a hobby like this. But it's healthy to have some space and as long she has similar free time it could be very beneficial.

If you have the chance of an allotment grab it would be my advice.

Allotments are great, but they do require a significant time commitment, bare that in mind.

I would take it. However yABU for not weeding the side of your house. Whether the space is useable of not, weeds look a bloody mess and make your house look scruffy, I'm not surprised your DW is pissed off. The pair of you need to knuckle down and get that sorted.

What's stopping your wife getting on with weeding levelling and slabbing that bit of the garden?

Allotments are rarer than hens teeth take it

I have an allotment. I thought:

1. Family Activity
2. Children learning about nature and sourcing food
3. Fresh Air

The reality was:

1.The kids and dh just made me cross when they, in their naiivety, trampled on the young shoots I'd carefully raised from seed and lovingly tended.

1. The kids won't eat home grown produce as 'the grapes have pips in (supermkt ones don't)'!!, 'the lettuces have had slugs crawling over them' and 'the kale is too chewy'.

1. This happens quite often:

Me: we're off to the allotment guys, go the toilet before you go

DD2: I don't need it
DD1: Can we takes our DSes?

Gather allotment paraphenalia, walk to allotment, unlock shed and green house, get out spade, fork, rake, etc

DD2: Mum, I need a poo

Aghhh!

However,

1. I lie about where the veg has come from...

1. Last year, I taught the kids how to make home made wine from picking the grapes to pouring it out in a glass (lots of chemistry education!)

1. I go on my own usually and LOVE it! I love talking to the old blokes, I love the 'me' time and I love seeing things grow.

I have an allotment and I love it. My husband resents the time I spend up there if its a nice evening he'd rather we were out doing something together, or thinks we should be doing housework instead or something. So I like the idea of setting some time that is 'your allotment time' as long as your wife gets some equivalent time to do her thing. Some people up at my plots make allotments and kids work. Others quite obviously don't! I love it and wouldn't give it up for the world - but it's hard work at the beginning - look at www.allotment-garden.org/ for some tips. I can understand your wife's misgivings.... I've got around husband's issues with it by

1. I'm obviously much happier and relaxed when I've had some time up there.
2. getting up early and going in the early morning!

Are you quite sure she's not complaining you don't do enough housework/house stuff?

I'd snap up the allotment, I have one - it's the best thing ever.

You can't use it as an excuse to get out of chores though

Your wife has a point about maintaining the land you already have, but there's no reason why you couldn't do both. If you're going to have the allotment, I think you have to make the effort to improve the side garden.

I don't think you're being selfish, if anything it's selfish for your wife to stop you having the allotment. Maybe it's not the allotment she's worried about, it's actually the amount of time you will need to spend away from the house when she is at home dealing with a baby/toddler (you don't say how old your ds is).

I second what Halfahundred says, that was the reality for me too if I took the kids to my plot. That and them being scared of spiders in the hut......

Also, often plots are not safe areas for small children,, they can have uneven surfaces, large uncovered water tanks, tools left lying around(maybe not by you but you can't control what other plot holders do)

I also get the feeling that when you say 'family time' at the allotment, you expect your wife to come with you and supervise your DS whilst you get on with stuff? Maybe that is why she is not so keen?

Why don't you try selling it to her as you will take DS up there on your own to teach him all about growing things, whilst she has a few hours to herself? She may go for that, but then you must stick to your side of the bargain. She seems to be telling you she does not want to spend her time on an allotment, so if you do take it on than it should be entirely down to you. Allotments do take a lot of effort, you can't just leave them for weeks on end, the weeds will just choke everything. Make sure you are honest about the amount of time you will need to spend up there!

I agree with pps that it's not about the allotment precisely.

Do you, honestly, have a history of starting household things and not finishing them? Have you maybe had a series of hobbies which required outlay on equipment or membership but which didn't "take"? or on the other hand have you previously had hobbies that took you away from home for large proportions of what would otherwise have been couple/family time? Is your definition of "family time" getting DW and DS to schlep to B&Q with you on a sunny day to buy fence paint which you then spend all afternoon applying to half the fence before running out (during which time DW has to keep DS out of the sunny garden and entertained inside) and having another family expedition to B&Q for another tub of paint?

::cough:: I may be projecting here

how big is it? Is it a full-sized plot - in which case they sound very big and would require a lot of time and effort. Or is it a half sized plot - which still sounds pretty big. If its a full size, could you ask them to break it into 2 half sized - i would have thought they would be agreable to this as it eases the waiting lists.

I'd take it .... when I lived in a town I got an allotment right behind my house which was fab. Put chickens on it and a few veg. However - if you work full time and your dc(s) are very little, I can see your wife's concerns. How far is the allotment from your house - is it a walk or a drive away? The reality is that you may end up having to be there on your own quite a bit in the early years.

I'd take the plot, but I'd also douse the weed infested side area with weed killer (then sit down and discuss what is actually going to be done with it so you're ready to go).

First off - many thanks for the responses, varied and helped open my eyes! Some to what I am or maybe doing wrong, some to making me realise I need to explain bits further to get an informed response.
Let me start with the existing garden - the side area I am mentioning - I am not going to be the one to "sort it" nor is DW - this area needs machines, bricklayers etc just to get to a state of - now what. This is beyond my capabilities or more probably willingness, I know that it will be a huge effort that even trying my best is likely to fall short of even minimum standards. It involves wall building, drainage, hardcoring - I know nothing in these areas. However I have weedkillered the area, that worked then they grew back. I think some comments are right - we should both knuckle down and sort the weeds.

HorryIsUpduffed - you have a point - I used to have a rep of starting things and not seeing them through. This was very common when I was growing up. This is now very uncommon. Beyond the yearly "I ought to exercise more, I ought to get fitter, I ought to diet" I now rarely give up on ideals (in fact now supping on a nice pint of home brew that I was previously told I would give up the idea as a fad). So it is a fair point, I am fighting against a years old me compared to a recent history me there!

I have now viewed the plot itself. I am not an expert. But it does seem like as good as it gets. If I were to decide to do nothing but maintain, I need to cut the hedges (mostly hawthorn) down to 5ft (from about 8 - 10ft). That is the only law laid down. The plot has a shed that includes shelving, planting area, and further storage, a separate greenhouse, water, 5 water butts, hose pipe laid throughout, an eating apple tree, a plum tree, a pear tree, more blackberry bushes than 10 people could shake a stick at, nothing other than long grass and a bit of said blackberry bush incursion that needs addressing, is 420 sq yards - it is a dream. It is also blockaded in all sides (so my DS - 2.5 YO) can't escape - and he loved it on the 30 minute viewing.

Now - I am pretty certain I want to go for this, It is close to home, big (but the smallest plot on this allotment), has 3 established fruit trees, I believe our son will love the area.
However - I agree, I think I need to come to some compromises/ground rules with DW.

So I appreciate others may not have had the whole family thing work out. I don't think mine is actually going to be anything like my dream! However, I think I can take my DS there some of the time - probably looking at doing lighter work and involving him, in exchange for DW accepting that I will also need time there either without him or with her in attendance to then get on with the more involved work.

Further thoughts appreciated.

I was dragged to my dads allotment as a child and hated it. It's a lot of work at the expense of family time I think. With dd i pick your own and blackberry picking etc to get back to nature. Save it for your retirement!

Fruit trees... Sounds fab!

Our garden is big enough for some fruit and veg and our 2 year old really enjoyed plundering stawberries this year and learned that gree= unripe and red= yum! Our neighbour has an apple tree at our boundary and he thinks it's amazing finding apples in the trees.

It's different that it's our garden and being on the back doorstep makes it easier, but DS does enjoy the growing of food.

Think carefully about what you'd grow for maintainence. Fruit bushes and root veg are low mantainence. Things like tomatoes that need frequent watering, tying up and monitoring side shoots may be too demanding at this time. I love being able to use food that we grew ourselves. DH and I both grew up with fruits/ veg in the garden and we love passing that on to our children, especially now the food chain is so complex and remote.