To consider ensuring DC contact with EXP's now ExGF?

[nobutts]

Sorry, posted here in hope of traffic.ExP has split with GF of 3 years she was OW, very young but also a v good Stepmum to DS. ExP and I are civil and always focussed on DS and he said we will discuss before he tells DS. So what do I do? DS and SM have a relationship and I feel it would be weird if she just dissappeared (for DS i mean).. any ideas on ..how to break it? should I make a point of allowing contact still with SM? if EXp doesnt want that should I do it anyway? any advice appreciated

I think your ex should be the one to handle it tbh. You can back him up, but ultimately it's his responsibility, and his decision as to whether your son still has contact with SM.

Personally I think that YANBU to consider it, and it's really generous of you. However, I would have thought it would depend on how old your DS is and whether or not he's able to tell you if he wants to keep in touch with the GF.

What does the SM want?

I was the child in this situation and I am kicking myself that I didn't make more effort to stay in touch with my Dad's ex who died recently. How old are your DC's? Can this be left in their court?

You sound mature in the way you feel about her, what does your ex think to a continuing relationship with her? Could she become a friend to you? This situation will of course get more difficult when your ex gets a new partner and potentially another SM on the scene!

Have you considered that she might not want to stay in contact with him? I only mention it because you don't want to promise him anything that she will have to honour unless you have checked with her first and can rely on her to go through with it. I suppose it depends on the circumstances of the split to a certain extent as well.

DoJo you make a very good point and I had thought of that. She loves DS very much but there may be many reasons why she might not be able to honour seeing him or she might want to try to minimise her own heartache a bit.
I will see what EXh thinks and agree that the circumstances are key. muddling DS is 7 and very switched on, it's his opinion that will matter but I guess we need to describe properly what any circumstances might mean in reality.
I understand that it's EXH who needs to handle it but knowing him (and the circumstances of our own breakup) I can't trust him to make a decision based on DS rather than him. i feel really sad for DS and depserately hope he doesn't regress to the feelings he had when we got divorced.