..to get annoyed with dp when he says he is tried?

[watermint]

I know competitive tiredness is to be expected with small dc's but Im starting feel genuine anger and resentment every time dp complains of being tired (most days).

We have a 9 week old baby and a 2 yr old ds. Im bf'ing and so obviously deal with all the baby's nightwakings - around 3/4 and usually up for the day at 5am. I'm soooo tired, as in eyes stinging/could sleep at red traffic lights tired.

Dp deals with 2 year old ds at night - he often wakes at 5ish and dp gets into bed with him and they both sleep for another hour or so. About once or twice a week ds will also wake and need a quick cuddle in the night at 3ish.

If I suggest to dp he shouldnt complain to me he gets all defensive and says how I dont allow anyone else to feel tired. All I want is acknowledgement that I must be feeling knackered, and the offer of a lie in!! He always exaggerates how long he is up for too - im usually awake as well.

Petty I know but needed to vent!

Does he work?

So do you complain to DP you are tired too? If not maybe you should.

Otherwise I can't see what the problem is, he says he's tired and probably is. I say it a lot and the DC have left home. I realise you have already said this, and you're right, it's not a competition.

Yes he does work-not long hours though, and he would agree his job is much easier than being at home with a baby & toddler. I do often tell him I'm tired and he then will usually just say he is tired too. Guess thats my issue really-I wish he would acknowledge it rather than just coming back with how he is also tired. I'm probably bu .. im sleep deprived though surely that's a good excuse

It's true that being at work can be a break - I'm a working single parent so understand that totally, however going to work when you've had a disturbed nights sleep will make you tired. You are both tired and that's it really. Do you acknowledge him when he says it. It has to work both ways. At least you can moan to each other about it, I just moan to myself (and never ever get a lie in )

Sounds like you are both frazzeled, just be kind to each other

it's really annoying isn't it and i've only got one DS who thankfully now sleeps about 10-12 hours most nights. I used to do all the night waking and what used to annoy me the most was when DP said he was tired as even though i'd been up with he was still awake so was equally tired as me... well why the hell don't you get up then if you're gonna be tired anyway cus i could sure sleep

Sounds like your sleep is more interupted than your DPs is. Maybe you deal with it better and he's feeling more tired than you are. Maybe you don't and you are more tired than he is. Whichever way round it is, sounds like you're both struggling with it. It's not going to get any better if you're both just ranting about it. It will probably increase your resentment though.

Any chance you can take it in turns to have a lie in at the weekend? If baby needs a feed on your lie in, DP brings him in to you, you feed, DP collects baby afterwards and you get some more sleep.

I have one of these tired DPs too. His me me me attitude is making my blood boil - he bought an eye mask and ear plugs as the night wakings were 'so disruptive'. I am up for up to 4-5 hours in the night (breastfeeding 6week old) and he will yawn and make a fuss after dinner (which I'm expected to provide every day).

So on that slightly biased basis OP I'd say you are definitely NBU.

If he said 'gosh I'm tired, I don't know how you manage' it would b a very different kettle of fish though!

just be kind to each other

Wise words indeed. Sometimes kindness breeds kindness, that's what works with me & DH. I tend to be the more moany one and he is so understanding, it has made me reciprocate and changed me as a person for the better.

Perhaps suggesting that he shouldn't complain is the problem - one of you being more tired than the other doesn't make the one who's slept more feel less tired, so can yo not just agree that you are both tired, try to get an early night to take advantage of the times when both kids are asleep and allow each other nap times at weekends to catch up a bit? He might not even realise he's exaggerating about how long he's been up for - when you're tired, an hour's sleep can feel like five minutes, so it could be unintentional. Maybe you could set the trend - when he says he's tired, just say 'yes - you must be' and see if he reciprocates...