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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu and a bad friend or is she just being childish?

31 replies

FlutteringButterflie · 05/09/2013 14:23

Friend organised a night out about two weeks ago for Saturday - she did this via fb as a group message. When I saw her I said I'd come this was about a week ago.

Last night she updated the message and asked who was coming. I said I couldn't now as I'd been invited to a friends house for drinks as she's having a small leaving do (as she's going to Canada for a year). If I don't go to that I wouldn't see her again for a very long time and no time to see her inbetween as she's obviously very busy.

Told friend my exact reason for not coming and have sent her two texts apologising - which she had ignored. Now I don't have form for letting people down at the last minute and there's no way I'd have ditched the night out if it wasn't for a leaving party.

The night out was just that - an ordinary night out that can be done on any night and another friend is going so it's not like she can't go out at all now.

Aibu to think its childish to ignore me or have I actually done something really horrible?

OP posts:
PrimalLass · 05/09/2013 14:26

I think you should have told her as soon as you knew you couldn't make it.

MrsMangoBiscuit · 05/09/2013 14:27

I think you should have text her as soon as you were considering changing your plans. I agree your reasons for doing so, but it's still a bit rude, despite understandable. In your friends shoes I wouldn't be annoyed that you were canceling, but I would be miffed that you hadn't bothered to tell me until you were chased.

Please just keep in mind that she might not be ignoring you. She might be swamped with responses from others, might not have received your texts, or maybe not checked her phone.

Bowlersarm · 05/09/2013 14:33

Agree that you should have told her earlier. Even though it isn't the case, it looks like you aren't going because something better has come up.

mrsbeano · 05/09/2013 14:35

Maybe she's just a bit annoyed but will probably get over it. You've apologised and explained, no need to go overboard.

ilovesooty · 05/09/2013 14:37

I also think you should have let her know about your change of plan.

Original poster
FlutteringButterflie · 05/09/2013 14:40

Well it was the same day so I would have told her but it's because she got there first - but yea I take that point on board.

She's definitely ignoring me. She's a person who is glued to her phone constantly.

OP posts:
Bowlersarm · 05/09/2013 14:43

Maybe she's just being a bit off with you to make a point. If she lets it continue too long then she is being childish. It is hardly the end of the world if you can't make it.

lunar1 · 05/09/2013 14:45

Did you post the reason you weren't going on Facebook? I don't really use it but imagine it would be pretty embarrassing if someone basically posted that they'd got a better offer.

redskyatnight · 05/09/2013 14:47

So your going to Canada friend only organsed her leaving drinks last night?
TBH if I was worried about seeing my friend before she went away I would have organised something before now.

I can absolutely see how it comes across to the 1st friend as though you're being very rude

CoffeeTea103 · 05/09/2013 14:49

You should have told her when you changed plans rather than letting her know only when she asked.

KellyElly · 05/09/2013 15:42

If I was your friend I wouldn't be bothered. I would see why you wanted to go and say goodbye to someone who was emigrating and would just think we could meet up another time. If you cancelled a lot I would probably think differently but if it was a one off I wouldn't have a problem with it.

GingerBlondecat · 08/09/2013 14:38

Soooo, you had plans then changed them because "something better came up"

Hmm
DisappointedHorse · 18/09/2013 20:46

Is your name Megan?

LazyGaga · 18/09/2013 20:47

What's going on?

Someone doing an experiment to compare the reactions to the same story but told from different angles or something?

Confused
BrokenSunglasses · 18/09/2013 20:48

I wouldn't have been upset if you'd have made the first contact, but I think I would feel upset if you'd only told me in response to my message. Maybe unreasonable, and I'd get over it, but I do think it makes a difference that you didn't contact her first.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 18/09/2013 20:48

Hmmm, there is something strange going on here.

cg13 · 18/09/2013 20:49

Lazygaga, probably. Or just a really really big coincidence....

BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 18/09/2013 20:50

Not another bouncy castle party saga!!

FairOfFaceButFullOfWoe · 18/09/2013 20:51

I swear I read what seemed like the other side to this situation earlier...

HopeS01 · 18/09/2013 20:52

Too similar to be a coincidence.

If this and the other post (from the friend's perspective) are fake, do you ladies have nothing better to do?
Hmm

MammaTJ · 18/09/2013 20:54

I would have only sent the one text apologising, two implies you are wrong and gives her permission to be childish!

SlobAtHome · 18/09/2013 20:55

YABU for posting the same thing again from the other side. And the OP of the original thread is still BU.

DuelingFanjo · 18/09/2013 20:55

Wow. So either there are two people using mumsnet to talk about the same issue or someone's being a twat and making up threads for 'a laugh'.

ParsleyTheLioness · 19/09/2013 08:53

Isn't this thread the earlier one though, which would make this the 'normal' one, and the other being a response, or a coincidence.

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