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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder what the hell she was thinking?

42 replies

FreckledLeopard · 05/09/2013 12:38

New au pair started yesterday. Her English is ok.

I had a pair of chairs listed on freebies section of Gumtree and had someone coming this morning to get them. I explained this to the au pair and told her the woman would come in the morning and get chairs (while I was at work).

I now find out that au pair gave chairs AND a box of old family photos away (box was on top of chair). I'm freaking out. The reason I have a room of stuff was that I'd cleared out my parents' old house. Photos, letters, diaries, going back 60+ years are there. And the au pair has given them to a stranger.

I spoke to woman who has the box who said I could get it back. But I'm panicking in case she doesn't get in touch or chucks the box away.

I am so cross and upset. if au pair didn't understand then why didn't she clarify????

OP posts:
Sirzy · 05/09/2013 12:39

Why did you leave something on top of the chair that was being given away? Surely you should have made sure they were separate ready to go?

Mabelface · 05/09/2013 12:40

What Sirzy said, I'm afraid.

TeenyW123 · 05/09/2013 12:40

The role of communicating is on the communicator, not the communicatee.

I hope you get the pics back tho. And learned a lesson.

Teeny

IComeFromALandDownUnder · 05/09/2013 12:41

Sorry but you shouldn't have left the box on the chairs. Not the au pair's fault. Why did the lady take the box?

Pudden · 05/09/2013 12:42

I don't think the au-pair was at fault. You left the box on the chairs which were due to be collected. For all she knew, you were giving them away as an extra.

Also why on earth did the person collecting them take them? They must have known what they were ( Or was the box closed up- perhaps they thought they were bits for the chairs)

quesadilla · 05/09/2013 12:42

It does seem odd and a bit daft on her part not to gave checked but honestly what were you thinking leaving the box on top of the chairs in the first place? Surely the primary onus is on you not to dump valuable family heirlooms in the same lot as a bunch of stuff marked to be given away...

emuloc · 05/09/2013 12:43

I would be more concerned if she has to adminster any medicine to your dcs if her english is only so so.

CoffeeTea103 · 05/09/2013 12:44

It's your fault really, why would you leave valuables in the same pile as things you were giving away?

Original poster
FreckledLeopard · 05/09/2013 12:45

Au pair said lady took the box. Lady said au pair insisted on giving box away.

The whole room is filled with boxes - all surfaces are covered and I'm trying to organise it all.

Maybe I should have been clearer. But why on earth would anyone think to give away old family photos to a stranger?Confused Confused

OP posts:
Lonecatwithkitten · 05/09/2013 12:48

Your Au Pair has been with you less than 24 hours she was left alone to deal with someone coming to the house to collect chairs which had other items left on top of them.
In all likelihood she is feeling overwhelmed and scared. Probably too scared to say she wasn't certain what you meant.
You can get the box back so it is going to be fixed.

Sirzy · 05/09/2013 12:48

She probably didn't look in the box. You are the one at fault for leaving it there.

quesadilla · 05/09/2013 12:51

What Lonecat said. She was probably nervous and confused.

But anyway if you don't want to lose something you don't leave it right next to a pile of stuff waiting to be given away. It's not her responsibility to figure out which of the items you want to keep.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 05/09/2013 12:51

The title of this should be What was I thinking??

Totally your cock up....why leave a box of precious photos on a chair someone is coming to collect, totally careless of you!

Your Au Pair has only been with you a day, try and get a bit of empathy for how worried/nervous etc she must be feeling.

IComeFromALandDownUnder · 05/09/2013 12:52

She has just arrived. Cut her some slack. The woman said she would give them back. No need to be furious or upset.

IComeFromALandDownUnder · 05/09/2013 12:54

Oh and my dh did something similar before with clothes for the recycling centre and dry cleaners. Totally MY fault for leaving them side by side.

Brodicea · 05/09/2013 12:54

She wouldn't look in the box as it's none of her business - she wouldn't go rooting around your property. I don't think she's to blame at all.
Poor woman, she'll be thinking you'll be on her back about everything from now on.

Inertia · 05/09/2013 12:55

Sorry, but leaving something precious on top of items to be collected by a stranger , with the whole shebang supervised by a brand new au pair, was always going to be a recipe for disaster. No matter how full your house, that was the last place you should have left the box (apart from in the bin).

It's understandable that you're angry, but it's not your au pair's fault.

HandMini · 05/09/2013 12:56

OP, if you specified it was two chairs being collected, I don't think you are at fault, I think the au pair is at fault. I can't imagine being asked to hand over two chairs and also handing over a box of photos.

If OP said "shes picking up that stuff over there" or something similarly vague, then OP is at fault not au pair.

Either way, OP I would be seriously considering how safe it is to have your children looked after by this au pair if such a simple message is lost between you.

grabaspoon · 05/09/2013 12:57

To be honest I am an English nanny living and working in England for an English family. If I was asked to do this then there are times that I can imagine it going wrong - being in the middle of tea/dealing with the children etc and saying to the person "Everything you need is there" pointing to the chair whilst getting on with whatever. If it was my boss she would make sure that I was not inconvenienced in anyway and could just do that whilst stirring dinner, dealing with a crying baby/toddler etc. Yes I am in the house BUT I would be doing her a favour - not my job to play post office :)

WafflyVersatile · 05/09/2013 13:02

You should not have left the box on top of the chair and been clearer. Please don't blame your au pair for this.

Original poster
FreckledLeopard · 05/09/2013 13:06

Au pair knew what was in the box. I'd shown her last night.

I'm not fussed about her lack of English re: DD, as DD is 12 and pretty self sufficient. I only need an au pair to be home with DD if I am away on business overnight etc.

Perhaps I'm a bitch. But previous two au pairs have been brilliant and I guess I was used to having such great people. I miss our old au pairSad.

OP posts:
HandMini · 05/09/2013 13:08

Put it down to an error probably caused by her being new / flustered. Hope you get the box back.

MrsDeVere · 05/09/2013 13:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Feminine · 05/09/2013 13:11

I think the lady who collected the chairs decided to try her luck and get something else for free!

You are being really mean about your new au pair. Why on earth didn't you guard those pics with your life?

Feminine · 05/09/2013 13:12

And ...this new au pair might be great too. Confused

she has only been with you a short while.

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