to not be grateful when people just give me stuff they don't want.

[GetYourSocksOff]

Specifically annoying me this morning, a crap, blue, mini chair (think baby patio chair).

It's not especially safe as it tips over very easily. It looks rubbish. We didn't ask for it or even know the person very well who gave it to us (friend of ILs, we were at their house and the way she did it would have made it very rude to refuse).

But I hate waste and I hate clutter. And the fact is that we do need a chair for DS's little table. And now I can't justify buying another one and it'll be a pain to get rid of it and so unless I can talk myself round and just take it to the tip we're stuck with it.

AIBU or is it not just me who thinks it's rude to simply dump stuff you want to clear out onto other people??!

DISCLAIMER we've had some great hand-me-downs too but friends have always asked if we want the stuff first, I LOVE that sort of stuff-dumping!

addicted yep I feel annoyed for you. It's just laziness. Who wants a load of worn out pants and odd bobbly socks? She just couldn't be arsed to do her own clearing out.

Oh god music I actually would have cried.

If you really don't want it so much that taking it makes you pissed off you have to grow a backbone and put your foot down with people.

YANBU to be irritated by having to take lots of other people's crap but you have to be more forceful as a lot if people would happily take it.

Oh no. I frequently want to give away DD's pants but that's only because she's maybe worn them once. She is 5 but can fit some brands 8-9. Obviously manky and stained anything is not on!

Nearly everything DS wears is hand me down, and he looks great. People do tend to leave mysterious bags hanging off the back door handle in my absence. I consider it part of the job of getting free clothes to go through all the bags and putting everything into a "keep pile", "charity shop pile", and "paint rag pile".

However, I am lucky in that I get through a lot of paint rags, so can actually put all the stained crap to a good use- and (awaits a wave of jealousy here)- I actually live next door but one to a charity shop!

A doctor acquaintance did piss me off though- she and her family are always immaculately turned out, but the bag of tatty baby clothes she gave me, still covered in white puke stains, just made me feel that she regarded me as the poor of the parish .

YANBU to be irritated by having to take lots of other people's crap but you have to be more forceful as a lot if people would happily take it

Now that's what I'm really interested in... Given what I said in the OP, that 'consented' hand me downs are fantastic (I agree with this practice completely on many levels) and that, if I've said yes to a bag of h-m-ds then I'm more than happy to sort through them, are there people who genuinely are chuffed to receive any old crap pushed in their direction? Regardless of the giver having no idea at all whether it's wanted or useful but either expecting gratitude or just abandoning it?

Get rid of it.

I was given similar things and ended up using them, although I hated them and it upset me, because, like you, it would've felt wasteful to bin them and buy new. Years later, I look back and wish I'd just dumped them and got what I wanted.

I have nothing against second hand, am all for it if it's something you actually like and is in useable condition.

However this chair sounds impractical at best, dangerous at worst. Just dump the thing and don't feel guilty, you've done the giver a favour by taking it off their hands, that's as far as you need to go. If feeling especially generous, take a picture of child sitting in it to send to them before taking it to the tip!

I would regularly come home to a pile of stuff piled on my doorstep by ex SIL. Read broken phones and portable telly's. Boots 3 sizes too big worn down at the heel etc. But she was nuts anyway.

What irritates me more is when people say 'do you want this? It was just going in the bin anyway'... don't know why but it annoys me. If it's fit for the bin why are you trying to thrust it on me?

Music My in-laws are in the process of downsizing and I can just imagine similar car loads being sent our way in the near future - I must try and have a word with DH in advance but can imagine him taking it to help them out and then never getting rid.

My parents often bring us random items which I now thank them nicely for and stick straight in the bin when they've gone, but DH seems to find it more difficult to do this.

YANBU, this kind of thing drives me mad. Everyone who knows us is aware we're short of storage space (especially family), but still they
keep on giving us stuff. Last time we moved house we moved on the same day as DH's Granny. We ended up with a whole lot of really quite big furniture we didn't need foisted onto us. The delivery men just came and said my MIL had said to deliver the stuff to us!

Now we still have it in our garage/attic since we can't get rid of it as it's 'family' stuff.

Bloody PITA.

I do get where you're coming from. SIL gives me bags of clothes for my DS1 as nephew is a year older (and much bigger). Some of it is ok but most of it is only fit for the bin, stained/ ripped and some of it demonstrably unwashed (bleugh). A friend however gives me lovely hand-me-downs which are in great condition and get worn by my boys for years! Don't feel guilty about charity shopping or binning stuff you don't want.

I'm with stubbornstains. I used to love coming home and finding a couple of black plastic sacks piled on our door step. My DC would spend a happy evening dividing their spoils.

Im with you. I have some lovely friends who like to pass on their babies clothes. Im very grateful but dont need them from everyone i know who has older children (ds is one of the youngest). Usually they dont ask and just turn up with them. When they do ask, and i say no thank you, i still end up with them anyway! Under DS's bed is full of clothes im hanging onto a polite enough amount of time till i can send them off to the person they've informed me i should pass them onto next. Who i will ask and should they say no, i shall take them to a charity shop.

I find it so frustrating. "Do you want these clothes" "no thank you" here are some clothes"

Its all done with good intentions but clothes storage space is a real issue for us and dammit no means no.

Anyone else now seeing the small ad for 'KT Rubbish Clearance' down the side of this thread (on laptop)? :)

No, I'm on the iPad but that's funny. I'll get onto the laptop later and give them a call

I get this from MIL. We argue and argue with MIL that we don't want it, then she pretends to accept, then we find it shoved in the back of our car or by the door.

DM is no better, she insists she doesn't have space so we should have it - she and stepdad have a huge 3 bed with 2 enormous cellars and loft space, whereas we have a tiny 2 bed with 2 children. I've had tears from DM because I tell her I'm going to bin some clothes of mine she's brought round - 'you always loved them' she said. Yes, but they're age 12-13 and I'm 30!

I've taken to 'giving in' and saying 'ok, I'll take them, we we're off to the tip anyway'. Then I take them to the tip/charity shop. They both get annoyed/upset when they find out that I have done it, but I do tell them, so they can't say I didn't give them the chance to keep the crap themselves!

This would drive me nuts... I have spent months decluttering..
Also, I wouldn't dump stuff on others.... I took photos of curtains etc great condition...and ask people first.

Why would you want your house full of other people's junk? Just say to them... Can I think about it?? Then don't take.