The right way or the wrong way?

[nokidshere]

2 boys started secondary school yesterday. Boy A kicked Boy B in the balls - apparently unprovoked. Boy B didn't say anything at school but told his mum later.

Both boys were at an event last night. Boy B's mum saw Boy A and said to him - I am not going to tell your mum or the school this time but if you hit/kick my son again I will report you. Boy A said ok and wandered off.

15 mins later Boy A's mum went over to Boy B's mum shouting and saying she was out of order and she should not have spoken to her child but should have gone straight to her.

Boy B's mum thought that she would say something to the boy to give him the opportunity not to do it again rather than reporting him and getting him in trouble straight away and genuinely believed that was the better thing to do.

So - what do you think? would you have spoken to the boy or to his parents?

No wonder boy a is a nasty bully with a mother like that!

How old are them?

Personally I would have approached the parent - the approach taken smacks of threatening to me, albeit threatening to do something which they should have done in the first place. If I were the parent of a child who had some something like that then I would want to know rather than this conspiratorial approach, and obviously the boy told him mum anyway, so it didn't achieve the stated goal.

They are both 11

I think mum b was right but I would not advise her talking to mum a or boy a again as it sounds like they are both a waste of space. Boy b needs to get down martial arts or boxing classes so the next time it happens he can defend himself

(ignore me - just reread and noticed secondary school)

If the boy chose to tell him mum that he kicked the other boy and was told off, she should have punished him.

With regards to the mum, I'd ask her if she was doing something about it.

Lweji normally when a kid is a vicious bully the mum thinks the sun shines out of their arse and won't tell them off thus facilitating the behaviour sounds like apple has not fallen far from the tree in the A family

Essentially, I don't think mum of B was out of order.
Mum of A was out of order in shouting, but could still ask politely that she was also told instead.

I would have told mum a to shut the fuck up

Personally I would have gone straight to boy B's mum and explained the situation but that I didn't want to make a fuss of it - only make her aware. Maybe she could have had a quiet word. But as you said she went off on a rant that probably wouldn't have been the best option.

I'd like someone to come and tell me if my child was in the wrong instead of going straight to them. I'd like to be made aware of what's been going on. However, I certainly wouldn't be going off on a rant if someone did speak to my child providing they spoke in the correct manner and there wasn't aggression in their tone. If there was - I'd prefer them to come directly to myself.

You should have spoken to the school in the first instance.

I had exactly the same rubbish when a boy walked into the village shop and kicked DD (both 10).

I told the boy off (no adult in sight and not his first offence, he'd been in trouble at school for bullying DD and others).

Next day at school, his aunt (who seems to 'look after' him) had a massive go at me.

Apparently I was supposed to guess she was out side and go and speak to her

As a child, I certainly wouldn't have wanted my parents involved.

Anyhow she ranted, raged and by the end pretty much said that DD deserved to be bullied for daring to be slightly different.

Really sad as the boy is actually quite sweet, but he got within a hairs breath of being expelled because he hadn't a clue what was acceptable behaviour.

He went to a different senior school and I often see him about town, often with younger DCs. He smiles and says hi. I really hope, despite his family, he does ok.

If Boy A kicked Boy B on school grounds it would be for staff to deal with first. Fair enough Boy B wasn't incapacitated and chose not to tell staff, was that schoolboy code of honour or fear of reprisal?

I'd say mother of Boy B should have definitely talked to parent of Boy A rather than address Boy A.

There's always two sides to a story but a kick there could have had serious health consequences. Kids do it for comedy as well as in seriousness but if it was done in aggression I wouldn't make light of it.

Boy B's mum should have raised it with the school and not spoken to Boy A or his mum about it at the event.

Mum B could have just said: OK, lets do this by the book ..... and reported the incident.

Seems very likely this child will be bullying others, so everyone should be advised.

I would have gone straight to the school, if I'd thought it needed dealing with and wasn't likely to be a one off.

I think approaching a child on their own is not generally a good thing to do. If you'd seen him with his dm and gone and spoken to both of them then that would be reasonable.

I think it's better to deal with school (and ask them not to let on you told) because then the child wonders whether they were seen by staff, or other children told on them.