To wish I had been able to do more than just hope very hard that she dumps his sorry arse?

[SolidGoldBrass]

I overheard some domestic abuse today. It was a man talking to his female partner on the phone (I know it was a female partner because he said 'girl' and 'you girls' to her). He was shouting and swearing at her and telling her he was going to turn up at her workplace and 'You're going to talk to me and you're going to apologise or it's over.' He was angry because she hadn't said that she loved him.

(And if you think I was being over-nosy, this was unmissable because he was standing on a station platform yelling his head off into his phone)

I wanted to grab the phone off him and yell into it 'Tell him to fuck right off and you'll get a restraining order if he doesn't.'

Obviously, I did absolutely nothing apart from wishing plague and cock rot on him, because there was nothing I could do. But it was really unpleasant to listen to.

YANBU of course SGB but whaddya gonna do?

Holy shit.

Imagine if she did love him...

Well, she was taking a step in the right direction but not declaring her love for him. Let's hope it was the beginning of the end.

Lady on the other end of the phone, if you are reading this-LTB!!

I know there was nothing I could have done. If they'd both been physically present I could at least have said to him, oi, don't speak to her like that and asked her if she was OK and told her she could get rid of him and there was help out there if she wanted to do so... It really wasn't very nice to listen to because I could just imagine it unrolling; she agrees she loves him, says sorry, he mistreats her some more, she believes it's all her fault...

I'd like to think I would have said "you sound like a right twat, I pity your GF" but I wouldn't have. I might have given him a dirty look but you're right what can you do?

I think it's nobodies business but theirs. She could have been screaming and shouting right back at him. Nothing that you've posted sounds too bad to be honest- he said he would leave her, NOT physically abuse her.

I think there's too many hysterical LTB personalities on MN!! I bet everyone has had a shouting argument with their partner / shouted at their kids at some point. And would be ROYALLY fucked off if someone stuck their nose in.

Abuse isn't just physical violence. He was really berating the poor girl, clearly talking over her and his accusations and name calling were very unpleasant.

And I know perfectly well that it would have been pointless (and possibly meant me getting a faceful of his misogyny as well) to do or say anything to him. But I do generally feel that seeing or hearing abuse means that you should intervene if you can do so safely. But it's not practical to do so when it's a phone call and the other person isn't present.

Oh and before I make myself sound like the most appalling officious stickybeak, I would distinguish between a row (a couple yelling at each other with pretty much equal levels of rage) and abuse (one bullying or hitting the other) - same as there's a difference between a parent shouting at a naughty child and punching or kicking the child...

what is an LTB personality

sounds horrible SGB :( i once saw a couple while shopping he was telling her off and telling her how stupid she was for picking up the wrong bread another stupid thing she had done. she was very aware of everyone around her and was giggling and trying to laugh it off and calm him down. i wanted to say it will only get worse :( she knew she was not fooling anyone but sometimes intervening is not the right thing it will not change anything other times you just have to

I've been that girl freudian. Many many times. And every time I've wished someone would come up to me and say exactly what SGB says she would have said had the girl this morning been standing there. It's humiliating beyond belief.

What a horrible thing to overhear SGB, but like you say, what could you do.

i have been that girl too but know i would have got it even worse when i got home. though i did use to wish others would humiliate him tbh i do not think he would have been bothered

YADNBU. I used to have to overhear those sorts of conversations in my house when my housemate would sit in his room screaming down the phone at his ex late at night. She was lovely, he'd have her come round for a shag every now and then and I felt like saying to her "He's a piece of shit, he's not worth it, he's a complete and utter cock!"

He replaced her eventually with a girl 16 years younger and in her first year of uni studying to become a doctor. He's going to lead her to a ruin full of cocaine fuelled shagfest weekends before he destroys her mentally.

You just can't do anything about it and it's so unsettling that you can't.

& drop, there is such thing as emotional and verbal abuse. I was abused by my first boyfriend. Never once did he lay a finger on me but he made damn sure to destroy every piece of my mental well being through emotional and verbal abuse. Mostly emotional but I got the screaming fits on a few occasions. I wish somebody would have stepped in but nobody ever did.

We had a neighbour-handsome, cool, respectable looking, quite friendly-who lost it with his girlfriend one night. He was very clever, didn't shout or threaten, but the venom was hideous. Neither DH nor I ever really acknowledged him again. I know I've led a pretty sheltered life in many ways, but I have honestly never heard such an outpouring of nastiness. He put up a pretty good front of being a normal human being but behind it, blimey.

I hope I'd have the courage to intervene if I saw it happen (I couldn't that night as I was in alone with the children).