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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lighthearted, I'm not massively neurotic about it, but things people say which sting a bit.

60 replies

Caff2 · 04/09/2013 22:51

Today: unprovoked comment by adult "It's so hard to get rid of the mummy tummy after a baby isn't it? How old is your little one?" OUCH!

AIBU to think that's a thing which it's ill advised to come out with?

OP posts:
Ghirly · 05/09/2013 00:16

Whilst on mat leave with DD2 I met up with a few of my colleagues for lunch, one of whom was a (very emotionally young) 17 year old.

I was 36 and I'd worked hard and lost my baby weight quickly so I was secretly loving all the admiring comments.
17 yr old pipes up "yes you look really good" I beamed and was about to thank her until she added the word... "Considering"!!!

Too mortified to ask what she meant so I still to this day don't know!

BellaTheGooseIsDead · 05/09/2013 00:18

Thanks thebody

Being judged r.e sanitary protection choices is bonkers! Grin

Mind you I've been sneered at for mooncup use by female consultants far higher on the social scale than I am who were supposed to be treating my heavy periods.

goodasitgets · 05/09/2013 00:28

Bella that's bad Sad
The woman who fitted my coil was utterly intrigued that i used a mooncup. I took her (a new!) one in to show her, and she even took the time to ring me a week later to say she was discussing it at clinics and thought it was a great idea

Even though I am living in fear I might one day suction my coil out Grin

BellaTheGooseIsDead · 05/09/2013 00:34

It has been suggested that if DD (who has even more problems than I ever had and a well-documented history of blood-clotting deficiency) ever decides to use one that I may be held accountable for not providing medical evidence ie how many pads she has gone through and subject to safeguarding concerns.

BellaTheGooseIsDead · 05/09/2013 00:35

Sorry OP.

ElleBelly · 05/09/2013 05:32

I never understand why people think it's okay to say
"aww you look tired"
That means one thing, you look like seven shades of shite.

BlackholesAndRevelations · 05/09/2013 06:38

"you look how I feel". Wtf is that?! I always say, "oh, thanks for that Hmm"

PurplePidjin · 05/09/2013 06:49

To dp: Where are you from?

He's black but his accent is pure West London, that being where he was born Hmm

To me re 9mo mixed race ds: Gosh, he's tanned!

Well, yes, his daddy's black. I haven't been spraying him with St Tropez or leaving him naked in the sunshine!

For clarity, I'm pale and very obviously English and we live in a not-very-diverse area Wink

ClareDeTamble · 05/09/2013 06:50

Oh, my mother is the LORD of these comments. Its like Bridget Jones:The Edge Of Reason when she likens talking to a woman with swimming in jellyfish-infested waters.

She even managed to sidestep my "did you mean to be so rude?" with "oh dear, of COURSE not! You really need to stop being so sensitive, you know. It's started giving you wrinkles".............

daisychain01 · 05/09/2013 06:54

Jeeze, dont people ever think before they open their trap? Some of the comments on here are cringeworthy!

I cant stand being told I look tired, it instantly makes me feel like ten pennyworth of pooh, especially if I woke up feeling OK

Someone once said "gosh, its just as well you do a lot of running, just think the size you'd be if you didnt"

Hmm right .... :-/

rattlemehearties · 05/09/2013 07:03

Purple - I get "where are you from?" too. Then (when I answer London), "no, where are you REALLY from?". It upsets me sometimes, kicks me back into reality where I'm reminded I'm considered different by some people Angry subtle racism is rude.

FeijoaVodkaLovesHokeyPokey · 05/09/2013 07:04

We need to find a new house to rent is curiously often meet with, the likes of 'there are plenty of reasonably priced houses for sale. Have you look at the new estate?'

If I could ruddy well afford to buy a house do you really think I would be looking at rentals?!

The daft thing is a witnessed a friend be put through the exact same thing.

FeijoaVodkaLovesHokeyPokey · 05/09/2013 07:06

I witnessed.

ElleBelly · 05/09/2013 07:06

I remember when I was pregnant this last time a friend commented on how different I looked from first pregnancy because "you put loads of weight on in your face didn't you"
Thank you for that, encouraging me to run home to view old photos to find evidence of fat moon face. She was right though, the cow.

Mitzyme · 05/09/2013 07:14

DD back at school after school holidays 35wks pregnant.
New colleague's first day, DD had never met her before, on being introduced in front of large gathering.
OH MY GOD YOU ARE ENORMOUS !!!!!
WTF!!!!

goodjambadjar · 05/09/2013 07:51

My nan was brilliant at this. I'm a big girl, which my nan often made comments about. I remember shopping with her and I picked up a top, she asked "do you not need a bigger size?" Erm, no, I know what size I am!
Probably seems like a little thing but she said things so innocently. Ten+ years of innocent comments made me a bit defensive!

whatareyoueventalkingabout · 05/09/2013 07:57

I once offered a lady my seat on the underground when I was about sixteen as she looked about nine months pregnant. She looked at me with narrowed eyes and said "why?" and I obviously couldn't say "because you look ready to drop" and was so embarrassed that I said I was getting off at the next stop and then actually did.

ovenbun · 05/09/2013 08:07

my MIL yesterday had a nice barbed one..I am 14 weeks pregnant and am showing early...i dont mind too much and havent felt self conscious yet but she had a big talk about how even with her third she didnt tell anyone till 19 weeks and still wasnt showing then...i really wanted to ask her if she expected a medal..

mouseymummy · 05/09/2013 08:24

Dd2 is very small for 11mo, she's on the 8 percentile and has only just gone into 6-9 month clothes. I mentioned this to a friend in town who immediately said "well.... I mean, I know you're short but you would have thought she would be chubby by now, especially, considering you're not exactly skinny" I'm 33 weeks pg, I don't want to be fricking skinny!!

MurderOfGoths · 05/09/2013 09:30

I remember at a school fair, I'd gone all out with my goth makeup and one of the boys in my year (one of the nicer ones) came over and said, "wow, you look amazing, really amazing but you shouldn't wear all that makeup!", I pointed out to him that he'd never complimented me before when I didn't wear the makeup.

MurderOfGoths · 05/09/2013 09:34

Actually my MIL is brilliant for these sort of things, we think she does it unintentionally though.

A while back she gave a friend of the family a box of chocolates
Friend - Ooh what have I done to deserve these?
MIL - Nothing really

evelynj · 05/09/2013 09:37

Wow, 33 weeks pg with an 11mo-well done mousey. I have 7 week old & v broody for no.3!

Discussing my aches & pains from picking up baby who has piled on weight in last few weeks & Said it's cos she's put on so much wright so quickly-my mother obv misheard & thought I'd said me & said 'I don't think you're just as big as you were before you were pg'

Emm, thanks?! Hurts more because I have piled on 8lb+ from breastfeeding & my body is now used to lots of extra cake. Dreading starting the diet, doesn't feel like I've had enough fun time off yet....

feelingdizzy · 05/09/2013 09:50

I'm tall and the amount of people who think it's ok to mention your height . My kids are also tall my 9 year old son has had people refusing to believe he is only 9. He is actually very young for his age and like to hold my hand.
He would easily pass for 13 he is 5ft2. I have a stock line for when people comment on their height . I just say ' well there would be questions asked if they weren't' ; their dad is 6ft 4.

absentmindeddooooodles · 05/09/2013 09:53

Ive had 3 people in the last few months ask me if I am pregnant. For the record I genuinley dont think I look it. My tummy is by no means flst but im still firmly in my size 10s after 2.5 years of trying to get back into them

Worst one was...went into the shop across the road. Waiting in the line for the till. Only had 2 or 3 things. The man infront asked if I wanted to go infront.
Me: oh its fine thanks. Im in no rush
Him: oh go on love dont want you getting tierd
Me: why would I be tierd?
Him: well pregnancy puts so much strain on your body.
Me: well good job im not pregnant then
Him: are you sure???

Cue a 2 min convo on the fact that im sure I am not with me getting more and more red faced.

Same shop a different time. The sales assistant saw me buying smoked salmon and said.
Oh should you be eating that? Its bad for the baby.
Me: sorry?
Her: oh I guess your not into all the guidelines. When are you due?
Me: 2 and a half years ago actually.
Her: oh its such a pain to shift the weight....I thougjt you were about 5 months gone!

I may never go in there again.

vladthedisorganised · 05/09/2013 09:57

Had quite a lot of these when PG.
My favourite - "Wow, you're huge! You must be overdue!"
Er.. no, I've got another two months to go.
"Well that must be an enormous baby then!"
. Up to that point, I thought my bump was fairly neat..