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Relationship with my lg and get daddy!! Please help me out

10 replies

Leahkayx · 04/09/2013 20:15

In real need of help/advise, my lg is just over 10 weeks old me and her father do not live together but are sort of in a relationship. Sorry will be a long post... When I was pregnant I paid for everything all her needs ( I worked part time £100 a week he worked full time on a good wage ) didn't help pay for anything apart from 4 baby grows. I live with my mother and I'm her carer so we are close. He now gives me £140 a month which im grateful for as babys are expensive... but he isn't capable of looking after her on his own! He dosnt know how to do bottles, anything part from how to feed her and change her nappy what still with cream seems difficult for him! I understand that he only sees her weekends so he won't be as experienced with her but even his temper when he's pushing the pram scares me! And uses one hand on main road pushes and lets go!! He wants her to stay at his but he has nothing at his house for her, not a thing! I think he's starting to understand that I can't just take everything up on the bus that the baby needs! But now he's demanding time alone saying he will take her from me and spend time with her. But as I said before he dosnt know what to do with her and he will kick off with anyone on the street or give them a reason to kick off with him, Even if shes with him, i know it must break his heart not being with us but I have to think of my daughters well being and benefit now and not his feelings! Can anyone give advise on what to say or do? Am I being unreasonable? ( my mother also feels the same as me and think he needs to grow up as he's 25) also he dosnt sleep here and isn't allowed as benefit people had a phone call saying he lives with me and now they are watching! From my rant this proves its a pack of lies! Somebody please help me :( feeling so low now it's a argument every day now, thank you xxx

OP posts:
Mabelface · 04/09/2013 20:25

I'd be very wary of him having lone contact if he's that lairy he'll kick off with anyone in the street. I'd not be having any relationship with him either. I'd be trying for access for him at a contact centre, fully supervised, you can't trust him.

thegreylady · 04/09/2013 20:27

Is his name on your daughter's birth certificate?Does he have parental responsibility and is there any access set by the court?
He cannot 'take her from you' and he cannot insist on overnight stays while she is so young.
He is, however, paying maintenance and obviously wants to be part of her life.Does he live alone?
I think you should say that he can have her to stay when she is older and when he has the equipment she would need at his place.Perhaps you could ask your HV to speak to him.

phantomnamechanger · 04/09/2013 20:28

I'm sorry for your sad situation but I think you must trust your gut instinct.

He sounds clueless and immature.

He is not fit to look after you LO on his own.

If he was serious, and did not just see it as his "right" to have her, or some sort of macho status symbol about his virility, he would be bending over backwards to get to know how to care for her and ensure she wanted for nothing.

Sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do before he is fit to be a dad.

Leahkayx · 04/09/2013 20:42

his name is on birth certificate, i never want to keep him away from her as i know he loves her BUT he isnt fit in my eyes, we have never been court and he doesn't live on his own with a family member who is jobless and useless! iv always said when shes older but older to me is when she can communicate more and not so dependent!
ofc i want my baby with me all the time but i am thinking of her best interest.
my mum understands what i mean and says hes not capable and he trys to control me alot, i didn't agree untill a week or 2 ago when i start watching what he does with me, comments and putting me down and trying to intimate me to have her and when that doesnt work he says your killing me here i want her im her dad! why are you doing this to us!
i know i wont give in but i just cant find the words to make him understand! its such a mess when its ment to be the happyest time of my life! he also says my mum is trying to take over and she the one controlling me when really without her id be in a bad way and he should be thanking her!sorry ranting again! xxx

OP posts:
OliviaMMumsnet · 04/09/2013 20:42

Hi there
First of all congrats on your DD

Do let us know if you'd like us to move this thread to our relationships topic, wont you?

loudfunlovinngandproud · 04/09/2013 20:57

pls any input is welcome xx

Dobbiesmum · 04/09/2013 21:19

Speak to your HV about this if you can, your instinct sound right to me and you need some professional backup if he is controlling. If not your HV, then try your GP or practice nurse, DD will be coming up to her first injections soon I think? Get people onside and aware of your concerns.

loudfunlovinngandproud · 04/09/2013 21:24

You know what they could do if I tell them?
Or just back up if things go too far?
Thanks for all the advise an options lady's been douting myself if I'm going right my my little one but seems that I am xxx

phantomnamechanger · 04/09/2013 21:34

Your namechange is confusing me OP, if you wanted to remain anonymous for this thread MN will delete or amend it for you

loudfunlovinngandproud · 04/09/2013 22:15

No I'm new and seeing what's what hahaa
Xxx

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