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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel overwhelmed by all the toys in this house

43 replies

kalms1971 · 04/09/2013 15:33

Ds has too many toys. Christmas, birthdays, it all mounts up. Tried to cull but he won't listen. Thinking of removing a few at a time so its gradual and subtle. Told him he will get one present only at Christmas if he doesn't let so me go. Tried to do a big clean today and it was difficult with all the stuff in his room. Any ideas please?

OP posts:

dutchyoriginal · 05/09/2013 13:06

Would it help to think with each possible present "would he prefer the present now or more money in his savings account once he turns 18?". I'm going to try this tack for this christmas. DS is 3, only GC in my family, 2nd GC in DH's family and is already drowning in tat and lovely toys. He has loads of Duplo lego, countless books and more than enough train stuff. Once he gets bit older, new stuff is nice, but this year? I hope I'll be strong enough this way to pad his savings account and not his toy chest. ;-)

LilyAmaryllis · 05/09/2013 13:21

I feel your pain!

Though my kids seem to have hundreds of toys they do have them pretty well mentally catalogued though, so I don't think its a great idea to just throw stuff out willynilly.

I agree with the advice up-thread to box up some stuff you think is less popular and put in garage/attic/away somewhere. First benefit - he will find it easier to play with the remaining toys.

You can then do the rotate thing - my kids are wise to this now and sometimes say "can we have a look in the garage" if they want something "new" to play with. The trick is to put something else back in the garage to replace what they've extracted, if you can.

Then gradually, you'll find that some of the stuff that comes out of the garage is too young for them/isn't what they're into any more. Then you can have discussions about charity shops/jumble sales/passing on to younger friends. Mainly I get the DC's permission but sometimes I just quietly ship something out. Very very occasionally I've been caught out by the "Where is my X toy?" Me, lying: "oh I don't know, I'm sure it will turn up eventually" They've always forgotten about it after that.

I do also do occasional tidy-ups where all the "crap" - free gift/party bag/broken stuff just goes in the bin - without consultation!!

mercibucket · 05/09/2013 13:23

i think you like buying him stuff

small kids just love number of presents, not price. by the time he is 9 or 10 this will change, so only a year or two left! also, birthday presents at parties will be cash this year or next.

for xmas, how about things that disappear like bubble bath, or are worn, like pjs, as stocking fillers?

lego and playmobil, btw, are good investment pieces. we get the same money back re selling them that we paid new, so like a savings account you can play with!

Ragwort · 05/09/2013 13:27

It's probably a bit late now but you just have to be ruthless from day 1 - I am constantly amazed by the amount of toys tat some children have, I think as merci says, there is sometimes an elemant of the parent actually enjoying buying the toys.

I used to remove stuff more or less immediately (ie: Christmas/birthday presents) - if I knew it wasn't something DS or I would really like.

Quenelle · 05/09/2013 13:27

Is there a 'big' thing like a bike or a NDS he hankers after? You could suggest selling some of the toys he's outgrown and putting the money in his savings account.

I sold DS's Happyland toys recently. I had suggested it to him but he said he didn't want them to go. But after I left the toys in the living room for three days and he didn't play with them once I 'disappeared' them and after a week or so put them on ebay.

They made £56. Admittedly we blew the lot in the Lego shop last weekend so the house is no emptier of toys, but at least they're toys he will play with now.

Arabesque · 05/09/2013 13:30

YANBU. Some kids have a ridiculous amount of toys nowadays, half of which never get played with. A small number of toys and children will just use their imagination and make up games and scenarios with whatever they have. In fact I remember reading some research somewhere that said that kids' imaginations are being stifled by too many all singing, all dancing toys that leave no scope for them to be resourceful and make things up themselves.

LovingKent · 05/09/2013 13:44

My DS is younger than yours but it does build up even if you are ruthless. He also has Christmas and birthday in the same week of the year. I agree with rotating / storing away and only getting out if asked for. DH and I give DS less for both Christmas and birthday than other relatives. I also try and get stuff that would be good for summer / when he is a bit older. One minimalist blog I follow suggests getting relatives to give towards something that doesn't result in more clutter eg annual pass for somewhere, contribution to hobby such as equipment / uniform / fees, something usable like bath stuff, outing to cinema / theatre to reduce amount of clutter.

fuzzpig · 05/09/2013 13:47

Yes I don't like the all singing all dancing type stuff. I tend to stay away from anything that requires batteries now!

WowOoo · 05/09/2013 13:56

I got some strong garden refuse bags from B and Q and also some large bags from Ikea which were meant for blankets and did a huge clear out when I could finally have some peace from the kids one day.

I've packed away and hidden loads of stuff.
Kept the things they do play with out though.
Have they missed anything? Nope!

All I need now is a child free day off work so I can go up the attic and sort out what to sell/charity/bin.

Rather than ask kind relatives not to buy anything for Christmas (I really wanted to but couldn't), we decided to get one or two things and if it seemed like they were really deprived we'd allow them to choose something else in Jan sales.

Am going to do it this year too.

I think my sons play with the bits I've left now much more. More space and empty toy boxes. Try it! Less is more...

twistedtoffee · 05/09/2013 13:59

I agree that children are better off with fewer toys that draw on their imaginations more. Piles of stuff, most of it cheap flashy tack, is a complete waste of money. A small number of well loved and much played with toys is sufficient and brings out a lot of creativity in children.

happybubblebrain · 05/09/2013 14:03

I just keep buying more storage instead of getting rid of things. It's probably not the best idea in the long run though. I also buy less and less each birthday and Christmas. I've told dd next year she will get 3 presents and some money. She agreed happily to this as she knows she has too much stuff.

fuzzpig · 05/09/2013 14:03

I am quite lucky in the well meaning relatives department - very small family. PIL send jammies and perhaps clothes too. My parents hate choosing presents so basically just give us the money for whatever we want to get (also bought their bikes for their fourth birthdays so they have really decent ones). They are open to the idea of paying for classes or days out although I think they'd still like to have them open something on the day (especially as they will be with us this Xmas day for the first time in years) - but the point is, we always get to choose it ourselves! So no random tat thankfully.

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos · 05/09/2013 14:32

My children refer to charity shops as "toy shops"

LisaMed we have a double medium sized Billy and two singles and the books on there are double stacked (and that is just the children!!). We have too many books, but I find it hard to see them as clutter and to cull them.

At Christmas and Birthdays I a. try and find a bigger present that various relatives on one side can buy between them and, b. get people to buy from a list of what they want, to try and control tat. Oddly, my PiLs are ruthless and minimalist on their own home, but buy lots and lots of little bts for my children?!?

volestair · 05/09/2013 14:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LisaMed · 05/09/2013 17:18

volestair I'm happy to charge that until he can work out his own percentages.

I was trying to teach him that borrowing costs. For ds what actually happens is that he bursts into tears and then my father or uncle buy it for him if he can't afford it. That's the budgeting lesson scuppered. Besides, he abandoned toys after about week four and stuck to books. I am less grateful than I should be.

And I still have more stuff!

TeWiSavesTheDay · 05/09/2013 17:23

I agree with the hide a load of it and see if they ask for it. Our car boot is currently full for this reason, none has been mentioned, and the one toy DD had kept asking for was found while I was clearing out the dressing up box.

There is definitely such a thing as too many toys.

volestair · 05/09/2013 17:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LisaMed · 05/09/2013 18:08

volestair that is a real possibility. ds can negotiate almost anything and does not easily let go once he has started. He negotiates reflexively. He negotiated an extra bedtime story when he was three. He's probably going to be a solicitor when he grows up. Or in the papers. I don't stand much of a chance and he's six.

And all the adults are charmed by him so they can't wait to buy him stuff. So I end up with even more crud stuffing the house. Which he can't bear to part with and negotiates over every damn teddy bear.

I'm not winning with this. However Operation Stealth Sort starts next week.

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