To ask what behaviour/signs would trigger you to think autism/ADHD?

[therewearethen]

DD5 is very challenging, and for some time I've been thinking she may have mild autism or ADHD.

She is my first so I have have no real experience of other children but observing friends kids she does behave differently at times.

I don't want to offend anyone with this thread, I'm asking for honest advice on what would make you think there maybe something under lying.

Is she a fussy eater?

Does she flap her hands about when she's excited?

Does she have any aversions to noises/smells/textures?

Does she take a long time to reply/answer questions?

Some of those things you mention are just like my DD, OP. The painting the whole page she does as well. I believe she is on the autistic spectrum somewhere, but she was initially assessed by CAHMS and they diagnosed anxiety and sensory processing issues. I did not take it further, and her behaviour seems to be changing, one thing stops but she starts with something else. She seems to have developed her own way of coping. I would recommend your GP as a first point of call- mine insisted the school commented on her behaviour before they referred, so talk to the SENCO if you can.

Is she challenging in terms of behaviour and discipline? I know you haven't asked for advice on that, but we found that 123 Magic helped us deal with our DD, who has some unusual behaviours. It's not so much implementing it slavishly as taking the advice about keeping your temper and creating a safe space for your child when they need it. I also found The Explosive Child a good and helpful read.

Chocoluvva very fussy! Will never try anything new, will just stick to what she knows she likes. The only time I've ever noticed her flapping her arms is after a bath when I'm trying to dry her and get her dressed. I can't think of anything off the top of my head with regards to noises etc with questions it depends if she's interested or is paying attention, sometimes she'll answer with something random E.G what do you want for dinner? We played hide and seek in school today.

Mummytomog, yes behaviour and discipline as well as the constant talking and inability to keep still! I'll have a look for that book thanks.

OP - my son, now 5, has all those traits you mention. Ie fussyness, always has to have same thing, talks constantly, quite random, always on move. He went thru tests for autism as was v late talker but they concluded he was not AS. The key thing seemed to be that despite these things, he was/is quite warm and tactile, specially with family.

DS (4) is very similar. He will endlessly repeat whole scripts of Thomas or Peppa episodes and would watch the same ones over and over if allowed. He finds it hard to connect with what is actually going on around him. He reacts badly to loud noise and singing (but will sing himself and be very very noisy). He will get upset if we take a different route in the car than usual. Watching him at gym and swimming classes it is clear that there is a difference in his ability to sit and listen and follow instructions - at nursery the TAs always had to be with him for any sitting down activity. It was them who suggested we get a referral and we are waiting for an appointment now.

My 2nd DS has ASD among other SEN etc. I agree with others above that you need a specialist view, but would say we had a very hard time getting our otherwise excellent NHS practice to take us seriously when we first sought help. Before you go to your GP, I suggest you make notes on/make a diary of behaviours that worry you or seem odd.

Also important, talk to DD's teachers and if they agree something might be up, ask them if they would write a letter describing their concerns. (And tell them not to spare you out of kindness, but to be as blunt as possible, cruel to be kind, otherwise they may fear upsetting you. There will be upsetting things said if your hunch is right, but it may be necessary, so try not to blame bearers of bad news.)

If you can afford it, if you still can't get the NHS to move, some kind of diagnosis from a private pediatrician or ed psych should get the NHS to sit up and listen, but be warned, that cost us £600 for a single visit to a private doctor (which at least broke the logjam in the NHS).

Finally don't forget that this whole thing may involve a lot of waiting for referrals and other stress for you, so start lining up some moral support and treats for yourself.

Autism (My son has ASD):

Delayed speech, high levels of echolalia in developed speech, lack of eye contact, obsessive behaviour, needing strict routines, inability to stay still (constant fidgeting, in more severe cases repetitive movements), occasional violent outbursts (often caused because of frustration due to communication difficulties), self harm, possible hypersensitivity to touch, smell or sound and lack of interaction with others, lack of spacial awareness and issues surrounding personal space.

CHJR that's exactly why I posted here (admittedly not the best place) but I don't want to get laughed out of the doctors with a 'she is 5, this is what 5yr olds do' as she is my first I have nothing to compare her too iyswim.

He went thru tests for autism as was v late talker but they concluded he was not AS. The key thing seemed to be that despite these things, he was/is quite warm and tactile, specially with family.

Every child with ASD/AS is an individual, and hence all different. Children with ASD/AS can be empathetic, sociable and affectionate.

These posts make me so grateful that parents can find out information so much more easily now (though its still a massive struggle from this point!), and so (self-indulgently) pissed off sad that when DD1 (22) was little, NO ONE would listen to me telling them something wasn't quite right. Last year she phoned me to say a psych had told her she has ADD - and seemed surprised I wasn't shocked to hear it!

Same here MoreThanWords. My daughter didn't get diagnosed until she was 15 despite me seeking help continuously from when she was 2. I feel very sad thinking about how much she struggled unsupported through school. :(

I so wish I could refer my stepmother to read this thread. I have a strong feeling my DB (aged 5) is somewhere on the Autism spectrum, however she is blind to it and will not acknowledge the merest hint of it.

Behaviours I have witnessed since the age of 2.5:

Bursting into tears at loud high pitched noises.
Has only just began to speak coherently at age 5, and even now it is not always clear, it often feels as though he is 'putting on' a cartoonish voice.
Terribly fussy eater, and if you try to put something new on his plate he will have a complete meltdown.
Has always made odd noises, and repeats these ad nauseum, like a record player on repeat in the exact same pitch and tone.
Struggles with eye contact and seems to actively avoid it.
Resists hugs and kisses and will push you away or lash out.

He has head hearing tests (came back fine) and the school referred hi for speech therapy, I believe they ahve broached the subject of ASD/Autism but as far as I know she has ignored them/shut down about it.

I know what you mean therewearethen. It helped clue me in to DS2's differences that I already had DS1, though mind you, when I first started worrying to my GP about DS2, for a long time his response was, "Well, your DS1 was so early on all the milestones, you just have a false idea of what normal children are like." DS1 is a perfectly normal child, actually, though like many parents I sometimes forget that . But I love DS2 too, and it takes a lot of love to say that something's not right. After all the dust settled one of our specialists said to me, "Most parents are so sure their child is perfect, if they tell me something seems wrong I know I should take it seriously." Trust Your Instincts and be on your DD's side. If you thought she had measles but weren't sure you'd check.

Also, please try not to feel ashamed. Sounds like right now you're ashamed of not knowing for sure, or of worrying. Once you consult teachers and doctors there are two possible outcomes that will both make you feel bad:

either they'll say something's wrong and you'll feel ashamed that somehow it is your fault (it won't be, but you will feel that way, we all do at some point) (refrigerator mum anyone?) or you should have done something earlier or or or or...

or they'll say nothing's wrong and you'll feel ashamed that you've apparently overreacted or failed to know something "everyone else" knows (and as some above point out a decade later it still could belatedly emerge there IS something wrong)

We have more than 10 inches of papers diagnosing DS2 sitting on a shelf. Every single time I call a doctor, which is only once in a while now, I still feel ashamed of perhaps wasting their time. So I realise just telling you this won't stop you feeling bad, but try try try not to feel ashamed.

My ds2 is 7yo and undergoing assessment for ASD. He seems very immature for his age, repeats words over and over - the more inappropriate, the more he repeats them! - flaps his hands, spins round in circles, can't read people's moods through their facial expressions or changes in their voice, but the minute he thinks he's in trouble he melts down and screams like you've never heard in your life, hits himself in the head, pulls his hair out. His personal hygiene is also terrible and he has to be reminded to wash his hands and given bitesize instructions on how to wash them properly each time. His short term memory is terrible and he generally appears to be in a world of his own.

I'm quite used to him so I know how to get through to him but lots of other people (including his teacher) described him as "challenging".

Because he has no problem with eye contact or speech, it took a while for ASD to be suggested but since we've seen specialists, they've said it's not sp much a question of IF he's on the spectrum, but more where on it he fits.

Keep in contact with your dd's school and ask to speak to the SENCO. They'll keep an eye on her and will gather any evidence if appropriate. Either the school nurse or the GP can put in a referral for assessment, although in my experience it's best coming from the school nurse because they can support it with reports of your dd's behaviour.

I would say if you are worried you should request a referral to a paediatrician. Also start to keep a record of things that you notice. Especially in the areas of the triad of impairments
Don't forget flexibility of thought can include lack of flexibility over routine.
And language can mean taking things very literally or lack of body language or very repetitive language or even phrases.

IMO I wouldn't make the school your first port of call. They are ethically prevented from making any sort of "diagnosis". I asked my gp who referred us to CAHMS without even seeing my son because "I know you and if you are worried lets get this looked into". Took a year to get diagnosis and more than another year to get statement if educational needs so its a slow burn. Start asking for advice now - there's NO SHAME in asking and you can drop out of the diagnostic process at any time if you change your mind. Given that its going to take two years or more before you get to a statement, I'd grasp the nettle and crack on!

While his teachers obviously can't make a diagnosis they can give their opinion on whether she is showing any cause for concern, or whether you are just worrying over things which are within the normal range in the class.