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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to put a stop to the gradual errosion of our summer holiday?

21 replies

MoodyMoomin · 03/09/2013 23:00

Probably more a WWYD than an AIBU really.

Every year since I was born I've gone on holiday to the same place in Wales. My parents used to own a caravan there so it was easy. Added to this, I'm HFA and like the familiarity. I made a friend (J) there when I was 15 and she always comes on holiday with us (me and DD) too now (so for nearly 30 years). We've camped for the past 10 ish years since the caravan was sold which I love. I love the smell of the tent, the sound of raindrops in the night, the feel of being outside. It's sensory heaven.

8 years ago I met my husband so now it's me, J, DD, and DH. ILs asked a few years ago if we'd mind them tagging along for a few days but them staying in a B&B. Fine, not a problem. Then next year it was a week, then the whole time and now there's just an assumption that it's 'the family holiday'.

Last year DS was born and ILs offered to pay the difference so we could stay in the B&B rather than camping with a newborn. It was lovely but me, J and DD really missed our tent. Also ILs said SIL wanted to come too.

This year ILs said SIL wanted to go somewhere different so I reluctantly agreed. It was nice, but it didn't feel like proper holiday to me. Now they've found a nice holiday cottage for next year which they want to book. Problem is it only sleeps 6. They want to leave J behind because 'she's not family'.

So would I be unreasonable to say no to it all, book our 2 weeks at the old campsite just like the good old days and leave the ILs and SIL to sort themselves out?

[wimp who doesn't do confrontation emoticon]

OP posts:

YellowDinosaur · 03/09/2013 23:05

Are you being unreasonable to do what you want for a holiday rather than being rail roaded into something you don't want to do? Of course you're not, assuming your dh is happy with this too.

BackforGood · 03/09/2013 23:06

Depends on how much annual leave you have (if you work?).
If possible, why not do a week in the cottage with in-laws, and ALSO a week in the tent with J ?

YouTheCat · 03/09/2013 23:08

Book what you want.

I'm sure, with so many hangers on, the ILs will manage to fill the spaces.

northernlurker · 03/09/2013 23:10

No is a complete sentence . Tell your inlaws you will be camping next year and if they went to stay in the cottage that will be lovely too.

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/09/2013 23:11

They want to leave J behind because 'she's not family'.

Can you do both?

Original poster

MoodyMoomin · 03/09/2013 23:15

You're all building up my courage. Thanks. Can't believe what a wimp I've become. My heart is racing just having started this thread.

My ILs are really lovely by the way, I think though that they don't really get the HFA and how that affects my need for 'same'. That's why I'm worried about upsetting them.

DH doesn't care where he goes so long as it's not to work and it's with me :o

OP posts:

WafflyVersatile · 03/09/2013 23:15

''that sounds lovely. I'm sure you'll love it. Me and JJ are going back to X beach for our hols.''

Original poster

MoodyMoomin · 03/09/2013 23:18

I could do both, but to be honest, I really don't want to. I could go somewhere else if it were the same place every time as each time would get easier. Unfortunately it seems that ILs want to go somewhere different each time, which means each time it gets harder for me.

OP posts:

BashfulBunny · 03/09/2013 23:19

Sounds like J is as much your family as anyone else and has been around longer. Would you be able to point out that to you she is family.
YANBU. Go camping. If you have time maybe you could join the iLs for a few days.

WafflyVersatile · 03/09/2013 23:19

If they are lovely then just explain. Or get your DH to.

Petitgrain · 03/09/2013 23:25

Your ILs would only be shocked or upset by this i would imagine if you've never mentioned anything over the years about your fondness for your lovely camping breaks with your immediate family and J. If you've never given them an idea that you're not entirely happy they will be surprised, but it's tough luck anyway isn't it? Of course you must book the holiday that you want, that's the point of holidays! It strikes me as a bit cruel to decide that they don't want your long-standing friend to go with you anymore, and I'd be nipping any interference regarding her in the bud immediately if it were me. They've overstepped the mark there, very much so.

squoosh · 03/09/2013 23:26

Kill them with kindness 'oh wow, that sounds great, we might join you for a couple of days, as long the dates don't clash with our planned holiday to Wales.'

squoosh · 03/09/2013 23:27

I love the sound of rain on a tent too OP, soooo soothing.

DanicaJones · 03/09/2013 23:28

No they can't muscle in on your holiday and change it to how they want it. You still go on your hol that you love with J and they can do what they like. You could always do a weekend hol with the ILs as well if you want to, although no one has to go on holiday with their in laws at all if they don't want to.

Original poster

MoodyMoomin · 03/09/2013 23:35

It strikes me as a bit cruel to decide that they don't want your long-standing friend to go with you anymore, and I'd be nipping any interference regarding her in the bud immediately if it were me. They've overstepped the mark there, very much so.

That's the bit that's really got under my skin. I suspect that MIL is a bit jealous since DS came along. She tries to hide it because I don't thinks she likes feeling that way, but it keeps leaking out. J is more like my mum and spends loads of time with DS who adores his Auntie J. Although now I think about it, it may be a bit of resentment that SIL doesn't have that kind of closeness with her only DN.

OP posts:

RobinBedRest · 03/09/2013 23:39

Book your own holiday.

Decide whether you would also like to join them, even if just for a couple of nights.

Consider a fank conversation with them about it all so they are not too offended and are hopefully more considerate in future.

PeppermintCreamsSaga · 03/09/2013 23:55

YANBU. Go on your own holiday, but do see if you could join them on their one (camp nearby?) and invite them to visit you on theirs.

Your holiday sounds lovely.

PeppermintCreamsSaga · 03/09/2013 23:56

Theirs=yours

CruCru · 04/09/2013 00:01

Go on the holiday that you want.

CSIJanner · 04/09/2013 02:03

It's not really a holiday if you're not relaxed and rested by the time you come back to start work again. If changing to something new is already stressing you out with the mere thought, then say thank you, decline and book your place in Wales.

GingerBlondecat · 04/09/2013 10:51

talk with your Partner, tell him how you feel.

it's his family, it's his responsability to get his family to ease up

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