to just want to escape for an hour or two

[epic78]

Just feeling worn down. I have 3 lovely but quite demandinng at times dc. Aged 9 6 and 1. Dh isn't exactly proactive with dc
Especially ds who is 1.
I frequently I leave dh with ds downstairs whilst I am doing chores upstairs, getting a shower or supposedly getting a lie in.
Invariably ds will be crying, rattling gate etc. I normally wait to see if dh will respond. I than go downstairs to find him arriving just as I do. Or he will say I was just coming when challenged if gets there after me,
Older dc are always coming to me 1st too even if dh is closer.
He was never this bad. I feel like he blames me as ds was an accident.
Obviously I don, t feel we have a long term future without changes if at all but in the interim wibu to go out once a week even if its just to sit in a coffee shop reading.

Short term could be to put your 1 year old in a nursery during term times ( I assume you are not HE)

Long term your DH needs to take responsibility.

Your DH needs to grow up, the child is here nothing he can do about it. The little one might pick up on it as well. You need to talk to Him and point out all this and how it's impacting on everyone.

And no YANBU, go out and have some quiet time. You deserve it.

you have 4 dc, dh is the eldest, sorry but he needs to man up and take responsibility for his kids, the young was an accident? takes two to tango where was he during this or was it a immaculate conception ? to keep passing the buck to you is not on, i had the same problem with my 1st husband letting me a all the parenting because i was 'better at it than i am' i got fed up and resentful as you will, when the older kids come to you, sometimes you could refer them back to dad to sort it out, tell him that you intend on some me time even if it means booking it, so at least there are no excuses, then carry it through, don't get bullied or talked round, if he sulks, ignore it.

I do normally refer them back to dad. I just hate the way he thinks he has the right to do nothing all evening just because he works long hours with a long commute.
Well looking after a boisterous 1 year old and 2 primary aged dc is not a walk in the park. Especially as dd still wakes 3 times a night.
Tonight I did baths for all 3 whilst he sat watching telly. Baby Dd settled at 10pm. He went to bed but I still had to make packed lunches for older two and tidy kitchen, do washing up etc.
The one time I complained he baasically said he can't physically do more. If he did he would be so tired he would crash car etc etc.
In my heart I know it's over. He has turned into a selfish manchild.