AIBU to think that many Mnetters are very quick to judge?

[sunshinemeg]

I hope this isn't going to get my flamed, but I have read quite a few threads were people are a little concerned about the behaviour of a partner, and the instant response seems to be
" they must be having an affair - throw them out" it seems a little harsh to judge so quickly. Why do some many threads get that response?

Probably because they are right.

I think you will find it's not an instant response either. It's experience.

They don't have any direct power of the OP though sunshine, the OP's free to take or not take any parts of the advice they're given.

They're opinions, and thankfully posters are mostly free to say whatever they like.

Which is why MN's valued so much.

Yes. I mean no.

Er....not sure.

YABU. (I think).

I think it's bitter experience. I do think though sometimes that people forget there are lives, and people and families behind the posts and a post is only a snapshot.

I've noticed you get different advice depending on the time of day sometimes.

That is because they are generally right and when it comes to cheating and lazy useless bastards it can often take a few other people pointing out the obvious for the OP to realise he/she doesn't have to live with a wanker.

oh, and experience

Sorry, being flippant.

I think the quick responses are down to volume of MNers and the vast experience of the collective group. All too often these truths won't be offered in RL, which is why the site is so valuable.

I think a lot of posters give their stock advice on any thread, regardless of what other posters are pointing out. They write what they always write, and that is that. No leeway.

Bowlers I'm not sure that's true. All posters have their own pov but on the whole there is listening and general advising, ime. Is your experience different?

Hmmm, I'm not generally some one to just say ltb however time and time again you see threads saying things like
"I do all the childcare and house work while he sits around getting stoned /is out with his mates"
my advice in my experience there is not damn thing you can do or say to change him. Try if you want but either accept it and ltb

"my partner has repeatedly penetrated the wrong hole on purpose"
err that is actually a serious crime does he usually show that little care for you feelings. I would honestly have ended it the first time he should have known better.

Often the reason people are asking here for advice is that they're not sure wether they should just put up and shut up and no they bloody shouldn't!

There might be some posters who can't help their shitty experiences of this (understandably) influence how they see a situation, but I've seen OP's argue against their DH/P being up to something, so they're not all wallflowers who immediately succumb to evil advice.

I usually think so too.

If there are 20 posters and one says LTB and the OP takes that advice, my theory is that they wanted to LTB anyway.

It's herd intelligence innit?

LuisSuarez it's a bit late, and i am knackered and I'm not sure i am able to explain property, but simply I suppose what I mean is those that say 'ltb' will say 'ltb' on most threads regardless of what the bastard in question has actually done. Arguing against them is a waste of breath (or words). Do you think that's not the case?

I.ll come back on to tomorrow and see if that makes any sense at all.

A lot of the time the person is posting because they know deep down there is something wrong in their relationship. They just haven't quantified it. So someone who has been there before can see how wrong the relationship is.

I remember one very sad thread about a lady who was posting about how disrespectful her step daughter was and why didn't her H stop his daughter from treating her this way. It turns out she was living with a massively dangerous and abusive H who was putting her through glass tables along with many other things.

Her post wasn't about her H at all to start with until people starting expressing their complete shock at what she was going through.

Unfortunately the ones who post about how amazing their partners are is few and far between.