To not be texting a male colleague back

[sarber]

I was contacted by text by a male colleague tonight (on my work phone, that's how he has my number). I was very surprised as we have a quick chat now and again but nothing out of the ordinary.
He is married so I've told him I didn't think it was a good idea we text as I didn't want anyone getting the wrong idea and I didn't want to upset his wife.
At first I thought I'd been rude as maybe he just wanted to make friends, but he has since replied (as I type) that he wouldn't tell anyone and his wife was out anyway.
So I think I've done the right thing and I won't be texting back

What did he say in his original text to you?

Well it depends on what the text was about, surely? I text my male colleagues about work matters if it's relatively urgent; not remotely unprofessional.

I think it all depends on what he texted you, I'm guessing it was suggestive or inappropriate in some way? In which case you're NBU

Yep he is trying it on. I also don't think you will be the first or last female colleague he tries it on with. Creep.

Was the text work related? If it was then it's ok to reply.
If it's personnal it seems odd

Urgh what a sleaze ball.

Erm, surely it depends entirely on what he actually said in his text to you.

I text my male married bosses all the time about work stuff. They text me too. Agree with others that if original text was work related no drama and his response could have been saying he doesn't see a problem.

If the original text wasn't work related he's trying it on so leave well alone.

It was just chatty stuff but then he said he would rather I not tell anyone he had contacted me. so that's when I thought something was up and I don't want to get involved in anything that his wife wouldn't know about. I think I reacted like that is because my exH had an affair with a work colleague and it started with texting. Not that it would have to lead to that I know but I don't want any mess. He said he wouldn't tell his wife we are texting so that just rings alarm bells in my book

he has since replied (as I type) that he wouldn't tell anyone and his wife was out anyway

Since that was his response, I don't think its work related or that he can hide behind that excuse.

I'd be tempted to get in text his reason for contacting you and complain to your HR department about sexual harassment and his using his work position to harass you.

In light of your second post YANBU to ignore any further texts and either don't reply or send one last reply saying you won't respond to anymore texts that aren't related to work.

Cross posted lesmisabs. Really? You'd really report someone for sexual harassment for a couple of chatty texts??? Talk about a giant over reaction. Fair enough if he doesn't take no for an answer but that would be a totally out of proportion response to what has happened so far.

If he doesn't want his wife to know then he is being a chancing sleazy slugface of the highest order. Blank.

What a creep.

I think you done the right thing there he was pushing his luck.

Glad you didn't indulge his ego.

I agree that going to HR department is over reaction, just ignore him, he is pathetic.

Keep the texts though, just in case he carries on being a tit, you never know when it may come in handy.

Thank you. I was worried I was being over the top and rude. I'll just ignore anymore texts. Good idea about keeping them just in case. You never know. Fingers crossed that is the last of it.

Probably not without more intrusive content OP, but he should be aware that this is a risk he runs with this stupid kind of behaviour. I don't see how his wife not being there is pertinent to any work situation and I find men who use their job to sleaze on women quite intolerable. I take it he posted quite late in the evening as well?

You did the right thing in letting him know you don't want anyone getting the wrong idea and ignoring his texts.
Reporting to HR is definitely over reacting however make it very clear that you won't entertain anything non-work related.

I'd be texting him back all right. Along the lines of "fuck off you horrible sleazy detestable sleaze bag". Or something.