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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think DD behaviour is my own fault.

25 replies

McNewPants2013 · 03/09/2013 21:40

DD is my last child, so i have spoiled her.

She has everything a 4 year old could ever ask for and more. i have a large family so most things have been gifts as well as me and DH buying for her. Also she has had a lot of hand me down which have been in very good condition.

Now she has become impossible, she don't respect any thing and has turned into a diva.

tonight for example, throw a lot of her toys out the window ( window alarms ordered) got hold of the scissors ( really don't know how) cut her dolls hair.

She will not eat her dinner, she will not dress her self, will not listen, tantrums over the slightest thing, biting, hitting and answering back.

I put her on the thinking spot and i swear she is thinking about what next to do.

It all my fault isn't it.

OP posts:

extracrunchy · 03/09/2013 21:42

Noooo it's understandable! But what I'd do is make her appreciate it. Take away as much as you can and give it back gradually as she earns it with good behaviour. You can go really extreme (if you have somewhere to put it all where she can't get it) and it will work.

MammaTJ · 03/09/2013 21:44

I would do the same. Sweep her room, remove most of the toys and make her earn them back with good behaviour.

It is no good judging yourself on past mistakes there are others willing enough to do that for you just try to correcct her behaviour with yours.

Sirzy · 03/09/2013 21:44

I agree with others, now is a good time to sit back and encourage her to appreciate what she has.

PenelopePitstops · 03/09/2013 21:45

She's you get enough for you to sort it now and sort it GOOD!!

Strict boundaries, punishment and rewards. Limits on scree time and perhaps a family rules charter?

Last assumes she has siblings, never underestimate the resentment this could breed.

CoffeeTea103 · 03/09/2013 21:45

Oh yes she definitely sounds very spoilt. This behavior will not do her any favors when she starts school And in a situation where she can't get her way.
Take away all her toys, favorite things and gradually give them to her as she earns it. Let her kick up a fuss till she cant anymore and she will soon get the message that you are not going to give in. Good luck.

Original poster

McNewPants2013 · 03/09/2013 21:46

It sounds like a good idea. I have the attic and also the shed.

I tidy her bedroom and with in 2 minutes you can't even see her floor as its covered

OP posts:

Sirzy · 03/09/2013 21:47

Do you make her tidy her bedroom with you?

Lonecatwithkitten · 03/09/2013 21:49

At least she cut the dolls hair and not her own.
Seriously though I agree with others take everything away and she needs to earn it back by good behaviour.

Original poster

McNewPants2013 · 03/09/2013 21:49

I do try but its a uphill battle.

She has just started school, and has been in nursery with no problems. It just at home with me.

OP posts:

Original poster

McNewPants2013 · 04/09/2013 21:01

I have gutted DD bedroom today leaving 3 toys in there, and she wasnt very happy. I have put them in the shed.

Once she respects those 3 and behaviour improves she will get 1 more toy back.

if anyone buys her toys they will be joining the others up the shed.

OP posts:

Sirzy · 04/09/2013 21:03

Good luck!

CocacolaMum · 04/09/2013 21:09

Of course its your fault (isn't everything mums fault?) but on the other hand you have raised a strong willed intelligent girl..

I don't think having "stuff" is what makes a child spoilt, its how they feel about that stuff I suppose.

it sounds like you have a plan, as long as you follow through with that I think you will do just fine. She is after all still a baby really

youarewinning · 04/09/2013 21:14

Hey, things you've done/not done may have contributed to her behaviour or she may just be strong willed by nature. That's actually beside the point as you've done the important bit - re-evaluated your behaviour in an attempt to modify hers.

I think you sound sensible, open and honest and you and your DD will be just fine.

pointythings · 04/09/2013 21:15

Good luck and hold firm, you're doing the right thing. Most of all you've recognised there is a problem, well done you.

DizzyPurple · 04/09/2013 21:17

Do you think starting school has affected her behaviour? It is a big change. Having to do what you're told all day at school can understandably lead to a bit of rebellion back home where it's safe.

Original poster

McNewPants2013 · 04/09/2013 21:21

I don't think it is school.

She is a stubborn child, she has always been interdependent and strong willed.

OP posts:

Kithulu · 04/09/2013 21:48

Sorry, what? She has just started school, did you drop in there?? Was this behavior after a long exhausting day at a new school? If so cut her some slack. Yes to the plan of reducing toys but perhaps not in same week as starting new school.

Original poster

McNewPants2013 · 04/09/2013 21:53

It been going on for a few months now.

OP posts:

nomorecrumbs · 04/09/2013 21:56

Bin-bag up all the toys she's thrown outside and don't let her have them back until she starts behaving!

I'm sure you're doing a wonderful job, just keep setting the boundaries

Smartiepants79 · 04/09/2013 21:58

The OP does not really say that this was a one off, new behaviour. I'm sorry but I think that school would be just an excuse.

The last thing she needs is anyone making excuses for her poor behaviour. It is not going to help change the way she behaves.

OP I think you are doing the right thing. Don't back down now, stay strong. Tell yourself that this is for her long term good. She is not going to come to any harm simply because she no longer has a room full of stuff. Underneath the stroppy little madam is your lovely girl, hopefully this will bring her back.
.My DD also has far too much stuff and it does worry me that she will not appreciate how lucky she is.

Edendance · 04/09/2013 22:17

Leave the toys in the garden and give her the option- she either goes to get them or they go in the bin. Clear firm boundries and solid consequences are you friend. Never make threats you can't follow through and make sure you do follow them through every time.

extracrunchy · 05/09/2013 01:00

Well done OP! Stay strong - it will work!

PresidentServalan · 05/09/2013 01:03

Sorry but yes, it sounds like she has been very spoilt which will do her no favours long term. At 4, she is unlikely to appreciate how lucky she is until she understands that things can be taken away.

HopeClearwater · 05/09/2013 08:21

The thinking spot is not much of a deterrent at her age now.

Beastofburden · 05/09/2013 08:41

Like the shed technique. Sometimes I think they get wound up by too much complexity and choice in their lives. So simplifying her room is good on both counts.

Now, in your shoes, I would add some outdoor exercise. It's autumn, perfect for long walks in the woods with a bit of cake and a thermos.

My own view with such young children is they are much more influenced by the physical complexity of modern life than we think they are. They sound so fluent, they are good with their gadgets etc. But it is still too much I think for them.

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