Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Being shy

20 replies

BlueberryWoods · 03/09/2013 17:05

Why do people make a big deal out of kids being shy? "You're not shy, are you?". Worse when it's from the parent in front of the child - "yes, xyz is so shy".

AIBU to want to say "Shut up, and stop giving the 3/4/5 year old an inferiority complex!"

OP posts:

CaptainSweatPants · 03/09/2013 17:07

Oh my mum used to do that when I was a teenager
& take the mickey out of how I spoke due to my brace

LimitedEditionLady · 03/09/2013 17:34

Yeah saying that theyre not shy certainly stops shyness.naaaaaaaat.
Just makes them more shy.Does work with my son though as he feigns being shy.He will talk to anything or anyone.

MadBusLady · 03/09/2013 17:38

Agree totally. Maybe they just don't want to talk to this tedious person who's passing remark on their character!

MurderOfGoths · 03/09/2013 17:41

No idea, but it's infuriating. Especially when they do it to draw attention to the shy kid, who obviously doesn't want that!

SunshineMMum · 03/09/2013 17:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Notmoreschoolholidays · 03/09/2013 17:54

My ds is really shy and I don't know what to say to people when he doesn't respond to them. I end up saying the one thing I shouldn't "oh, he's a bit shy" in explanation. I really hate that I say it but I don't know what else to say to the person who is attempting, and failing, to converse with him. I would love to hear what other parents of shy dc do instead.

SunshineMMum · 03/09/2013 17:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrsfuzzy · 03/09/2013 18:00

i was a terribly shy child and my dm used to tell everyone, it was horrendous, i grew out of it but why is it such a big deal, i feel so sorry for kids who are quiet, people can be so thoughtless, couldn't count the times i was told off for being rude because i didn't say much.

FutureNannyOgg · 03/09/2013 18:23

I think being wary of strangers is a good thing, and if mine were not lairy extroverts, that would be my response.

SpiceAddict · 03/09/2013 18:31

I grew up very shy and hated it. The more people comment on it the more it makes you clam up.

My DS went through a 'cautious' phase. I never ever said he was shy. If someone said something about it 'oh is he shy/quiet like you...' I would say 'No he's not shy at all'.
Now he believes that he is not shy and is very confident with people. In fact doesn't shut up!

Dancergirl · 03/09/2013 19:14

YANBU!

This drives me MAD! I have a very shy dd, who at 12 'ought' to have grown out of it.

Even worse was my own mother who refused to believe I was shy. She used to say 'well you're not shy with me' No, of course not, who's shy with their own mother??

FredKiller · 03/09/2013 19:31

My SIL and DM have been saying this about my niece since she was about 18mo. It annoys me so much, because its always said like it's something negative. What does it matter? I'm shy, DH is shy, we've managed ok in life. Not everyone wants or needs to be outgoing and gregarious.

TigerSwallowTail · 03/09/2013 19:47

I say this all the time about my son if strangers try to talk to him, he's not shy he just doesn't like talking to new people, but I don't want to say "sorry he's just rude"

MintyChops · 03/09/2013 19:51

It's very annoying as it just makes DS1 more shy. I usually say " No, he isn't, he just likes to do things at his own pace".

BoredNinja · 03/09/2013 19:53

Tiger my daughter's the same

hardboiledpossum · 03/09/2013 19:56

I say that my son is a bit shy when strangers try to talk to him and he ignores them. I don't see being shy as a bad thing.

runningonwillpower · 03/09/2013 20:00

Of course, shy people just love their shyness being brought to attention.

My son was shy to the point of rudeness. And if I'm honest, I sometimes found it embarrassing.

But what to do?

Make him feel more uncomfortable by drawing attention to it?

Tell him off? He couldn't help it.

Explain behind his back? Seems a bit disloyal.

I privately squirmed and rode it out.

Now, he's all grown-up and is just lovely.

kerstina · 03/09/2013 20:01

I had this with my nan discussing me when I was 11. She told my aunt and uncle who I did not see very often that I was so shy and she had never known anyone so shy. I was in the other room but she must have known I could hear. I was so hurt and of course it made my confidence and self esteem even worse. I do feel I know how to handle shy children that is the only positive I gained from her unthinkingly cruel words.

philbee · 03/09/2013 20:08

My DD isn't shy but also doesn't wan to talk to any old stranger who says hello to her. It annoys me that that's interpreted as shyness or rudeness by people, especially when we also tell our children not to talk to strangers. I say to her 'do you want to say hello?' and if she says nothing I say 'no?' and smile vaguely at the person. Seems to work.

Seaweedy · 03/09/2013 20:26

YANBU in the least. This is a bugbear of mine. I got this all the time as a child, and I can't understand why anyone would think its an appropriate thing to comment on, or for that matter why they think a child should 'perform' for an adult stranger.

My toddler is currently very sociable and charms strangers in a nanosecond, but should that change, I will be in favour of him being left alone to be as timid as he likes without a negative commentary.

Flip