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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Oh my god you retard - AIBU to think the parents need telling off?

34 replies

carabos · 03/09/2013 15:30

I'm working in my office at home. NDN's two DSs (10 and 7) are playing outside.

Older one has just said to younger one "Oh my god you retard why did you do that?". I have no idea who has done what, but AIBU to think this must be a case of "monkey see, monkey do" and the parents need telling off?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 03/09/2013 15:31

YABU. You don't know where they have heard it so you can't blame the parents for it.

It is wrong for them to say it of course.

StElmo · 03/09/2013 15:31

How on earth is it any of your business?

Beastofburden · 03/09/2013 15:31

might have picked it up at school. I would pretend thats what you think anyway when you rat on him to his parents. Which I def would do.

NotYoMomma · 03/09/2013 15:31

why assume it was parents? could be grandparents, babysitters over summer, peers at school?

maybe mention to parents but yabu to tell them off when you have no idea

AmandaLF · 03/09/2013 15:33

Yabu. It could have been picked up at school.

nickelbabe · 03/09/2013 15:33

i wouldn't put it past the parents.

i actually know a parent who can't see the issue with retard, spaz and mong, and uses them all the time.

DollyClothespeg · 03/09/2013 15:34

Children pick up words from everywhere. They're little sponges who parrot everything.
Why is it always the parent's fault? Maybe it is them. Maybe it isn't. My small people have come home with some truly delightful words Hmm over the years from some charmers in the playground. Certainly NOT any words they have picked up from here, or that would be tolerated, and would be a bit Hmm at people automatically assuming it was 'the parents fault!!

reelingintheyears · 03/09/2013 15:34

Yarp, I think you should pop round and have it out with the monkeys.

Original poster
carabos · 03/09/2013 15:35

It appears to be none of my business and IABU Hmm so that's alright then, I will close the window so I don't have to listen to any more of it.

OP posts:
BellaTheGooseIsDead · 03/09/2013 15:36

DS is autistic and echolalic. He came home from his special school having picked it up so YABVU to blame the parents.

HeySoulSister · 03/09/2013 15:36

It's a common insult with kids these days.... Horrible

But why would you want to tell the parents off for it??

Isildur · 03/09/2013 15:36

It seems to be a common insult in schools at the moment. The teenagers streaming out of the local secondary (a boys grammar, if it matters) seemed to use it very casually, along with variations on a homophobic theme.

It appears that they see it as being more acceptable that outright swearing. I very much doubt that their parents are all at it too.

SoleSource · 03/09/2013 15:37

I loathe that word.

DollyClothespeg · 03/09/2013 15:37

It appears to be none of my business and IABU hmm so that's alright then, I will close the window so I don't have to listen to any more of it.

Do you have primary school age kids? Just curious.

Original poster
carabos · 03/09/2013 15:38

Dolly. No.

OP posts:
feelingood · 03/09/2013 15:43

Jeez Im glad you not next to me then, I've just had a right go my DS for losing something twice.

MrsOakenshield · 03/09/2013 15:44

no-one is saying it's not a horrible thing to say, but they could have picked it up anywhere, school being most likely. I daresay their parents have told them 100 times not to use it.

vix206 · 03/09/2013 15:47

YABU. They could have heard it anywhere and perhaps the parents haven't heard them saying it yet. Don't 'tell the parents off!' Shock

nickelbabe · 03/09/2013 15:48

it might also have come from American TV shows - in America, it really doesn't have the same nastiness as it does here - it's not seen as a bad insult :(

YippeeKiYayMakkaPakka · 03/09/2013 15:53

YANBU to think that it's an awful thing to say, but YABU to assume that they've picked it up from their parents.

Pachacuti · 03/09/2013 15:56

Exactly -- it's a bad thing to say, but there's every chance that they've picked it up from schoolfriends and the parents have no idea. It's worth mentioning to the parents (I'd want to know if my DCs were using this sort of language) but inappropriate to "tell off" the parents.

JakeBullet · 03/09/2013 15:57

It's an awful expression but you cannot assume they got it from the parents. Monkey see and monkey do is correct when you consider their contact with lots of other monkeys!

waikikamookau · 03/09/2013 15:59

10 and 7 yr olds probably got it from their friends and/or TV. very common in American tv programmes.

don't speak to the parents, that would be so unreasonable. Shock

sydlexic · 03/09/2013 16:07

I have two adult DD's, I wish as they were growing up they only used the words they had heard me use and ate the foods they had seen me eat. Sadly they didn't.

Cerisier · 03/09/2013 16:07

I hate the expression too. One of my colleagues is forever using it and I cringe every time. My DSis is severely disabled and every time I hear the word I think of her and all she has had to contend with. It breaks my heart.

OP I have never said anything to my colleague, I wouldn't know how to approach it. She doesn't see the word as offensive or she wouldn't say it.