I am unwell. I have some kind of mump type thing and I ache, glands swollen and generally feel like crap. Both my two children - one being a baby of four months have it as well. Baby is sleeping really badly at the moment. I do all the night wakings as I breastfeed and baby won't take a bottle. I am shattered and unwell. I had yet another night of constant wakings as older child had a fever most of the night so no nursery for her today.
I woke husband at 6 this morning (sleeps in another room in order to get a night's sleep. This is fine and makes sense to me) He happily gets up with the baby for a few hours before work. However, baby gets brought back to me regularly for 'feeds', despite me feeding him before handing to DH so I never really get any sleep. I think he is teething but DH insists he needs the breast. This includes weekends as well. DHs solution is try and wean him off the breast and onto a bottle.
I am bone tired and tearful. I am struggling to keep on top of the housework and look after the kids. Normally I manage. I am not managing at the moment.
Dh is working at home today. So far unable to have anything to eat as children have occupied me constantly so I run downstairs in a rare moment that baby is asleep and DD is watching iPad. I also load the dishwasher and do a few more chores at top speed as I don't like leaving toddler alone with baby as i know it is not advised. I also get some food and drink for DD.
Whilst I am down there, DH snaps at me because I managed to get playdoh or something on some important forms I left on the kitchen table. He gave them to me to help him fill in. This massively pisses me off because I didn't necessarily get stuff on his paperwork yet I seem to be responsible for the mess, despite being the one who regularly clears up the table everynight. Not done as so tired yesterday and had a feverish dd.
So despite being really fucking angry about this, I kept my mouth shut and TRIED to apologise to him for forgetting about the paperwork and explain to him that I have a lot on my mind. ill, exhausted etc.
Apology not good enough apparently. 'Not really an apology is it?' I was 'having a go'. This stupid argument has detained me and I am v aware that my two children are upstairs unsupervised. I can hear them over the baby monitor. Then DD arrives downstairs to inform me she has been sick from taking baby's medicine... We both run upstairs to discover she has been taking the infacol which she has somehow managed to get off a high shelf. She is climber. I feel wretched. Baby has also woken up.
I point out that this is the reason I don't like leaving them unattended and DH SHOUTS at me for 'continuing the argument'. I lost it and threw the infacol at him and ran off. Pathetic I know. Obviously this scares DD who comes and finds me and demands I apologise to her for shouting and making her sad :) We don't argue in front of the children as a rule and I NEVER throw things at people so clearly I am struggling.
Now not only do I feel exhausted, crap, and overwhelmed. I have now shouted in front of my children and thrown a missile at their Dad. I feel utterly shit.