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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this was not right or professional?

9 replies

BornThisCrazy · 03/09/2013 01:21

Around 5 years ago I was diagnosed with PCOS. (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). It took a lot of badgering my GP to have the initial blood tests done, who then referred me to hospital about my hursutism, acne etc.

My dermatologist was absolutely brilliant and I cannot fault her at all. I met with a consultant who discussed results of the scans done to my ovaries. Despite being a little insensitive when bluntly informing me that I may never conceive, on the whole a very good doctor. I then saw a gynaecologist (I think) who wanted to speak to me about the possibility of infertility, and suggested a dye test (?) In the fallopian tubes which I declined. However during this appointment he wanted to assess my hirsutism, he was not alone and had a nurse present so did not feel in danger of anything, however I found it rather strange as I had already shown myself to a consultant previously. Anyway I decided not to argue as they knew best and showed them my arms, legs, abdomen. I found it hugely embarrassing as it is something I have felt sensitive towards since late primary school when the hair first became noticeable. Much to my shock 3 or 4 more nurses wandered in, pretending to busy themselves but eventually walked over to have a look at me half dressed, followed by two male medical professionals, fuck knows to this day who they were. Junior doctors possibly, I have no idea. But all of theirs behaviour made me feel humiliated and like a total freak show. I just froze on the examination bed, wanting to question why it was necessary to have a room full of people stood around me gawping, why some seemed almost amused by what they saw of me clearly trying hard to keep straight faces and one looked quite disturbed by me. And why the consultant was not telling them to clear off? It made me feel really really ugly as well as uncomfortable to the point I cried as soon as I was out of the hospital. 5 years on I try and avoid my GP seeing me physically if I have any problems as I feel I am being judged.

I know this was some years ago, I am probably just off loading. I am coward that I did not speak up at the time, but as a naive 19 year old all on my own at the time, I had no idea what to say and tried to put it out of my mind afterward. I have also moved away since then but its all come flooding back recently as my youngest sister suspects PCOS too. She is thin as a rake like me but breaks out in acne and has hirsutism. She wanted my advice about getting a proper diagnosis, but when I spoke of my experience it put her right off. She was angry and said they had no right to make me feel that way, and it was highly unprofessional. But I dont know, is it? Or am I just feeling extremely sensitive for no real reason all these years? Do these things happen on a normal basis or not? I am very confused. I am not paranoid about the looks on their faces though, I can quite honestly say they were a picture. I may resemble half human half fucking gorilla but its an illness and something I have had to live with.

If it has any relevance that nhs trust is one of those named inadequate in recent investigations.

OP posts:
Clobbered · 03/09/2013 02:07

It wasn't right and it wasn't professional and every one of those idiots should have known better. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Thanks

ConfusedKiwi · 03/09/2013 02:20

Definitely not right or professional - the GP/hospital I've attended is a teaching one so they frequently ask if students/others can look in but the key thing is that they ask in advance and you have the option to say no.

I don't mind personally (have been paraded with my sun damaged skin and moles for a group before) as I hope it means they will have a better understanding of future patients but if someone was uncomfortable they should not be put in the position you were of multiple people who were not identified to you coming into the room without permission.

NadiaWadia · 03/09/2013 04:56

I am so sorry that you went through that. Would it make you feel better to think that, probably it was not deliberate, maybe it was usual at that hospital for junior staff to be going in and out of the room. But you should have been asked first . I understand how bad it made you feel, being self-conscious, and as an unassertive 19 year old not able to speak up and say they were making you uncomfortable. My DD would have been just the same. It was not right.

It's a pity it is too late really now to complain to the hospital -The consultant and his staff should have been ashamed of their unprofessionalism. Lastly I am sure you don't look like 'half a gorilla' -don't put yourself down.

BornThisCrazy · 03/09/2013 09:10

Thank you for all the replies and the Thanks clobbered

Your reassurance of their unprofessionalism means a lot to me, and that it is not simply me being over sensitive. Many people with problems like PCOS are very self conscious of their bodies already, and do not need to be made to feel like this.

I know many people would have no problem with junior staff present - I have had this happen for something else I was in hospital for, and it was not an issue. But this felt different. I have a strange feeling that the consultant really did not need to see my hirsutism, I was assessed months before by a big consultant - it would be written in my notes yes? I cannot remember how the conversation went exactly, but at the time I remember thinking this is not necessary, he offered me the test which I declined, so this is it his job with me is now finished...why the need to look. Call me paranoid but the nurse present disappeared for a minute and the other staff came in after her return. I strongly suspect the staff simply wanted to have a look out of curiosity.

There have been many changes at the hospital recently am told due to the damning report, so no idea if them members of staff are still there or not. I have also forgotten that consultants name. My dbrother has an important job there now and I wish he worked there at the time, it may have encouraged me to speak about it and complain.

Thank you nadia I know I really shouldn't say that about myself, my dh is always saying the same as you. I should count myself lucky as PCOS has not affected my weight or my fertility. I am having laser treatment done which is helping the hirsutism, and my acne has not returned. (Looks around desperately for some wood to touch).

OP posts:
JuliaScurr · 03/09/2013 09:21

hope all is well now
I think you were a completely 'normal' nineteen yr old - insecure, selfconscious etc. Your illness gave you symptoms which aggravated those feelings - and then you saw that TERRIBLE bloody doctor. Yes - very insensitive and unprofessional. That incident seems to have eaten away at you.
Try to put it behind you, maybe get some counselling,and leave it all in the past

Runningchick123 · 03/09/2013 09:27

It is very common for a group of students to observe examinations but It is terribly unprofessional to bing in a group of students WITHOUT prior consent from the patient.
Having a Group of students / helth professionals looking wouldn't bother me as long as it wasn't an intimate examination as I appreciate that they need to see things first hand to learn but I would be quite annoyed if the doctor didn't ask me first.

NadiaWadia · 03/09/2013 16:48

Yes sweetheart look on the bright side. It unfortunate you have this unpleasant condition, and went through that nasty experience 5 years ago. But you shouldn't dwell on that, the shame is all on the hospital staff. You have your youth, fertility, no weight problems, acne gone, and sounds like the laser treatment is zapping the hirsutism. You are also clearly an intelligent and sensitive young woman, which is a lot more than can be said for some 'healthcare professionals'.

Seems you also have a lovely and supportive DH.

What about if you went to the doctors with your sister, to give her support?

Hissy · 03/09/2013 17:07

My anaesthetist bollocked 2 students for barging into my (uncommon) procedure.

You were right to feel pissed off!

BornThisCrazy · 03/09/2013 21:02

Thank you again for the responses.

Nadia I live over 100 miles away from my sister, and she has decided she will not be visiting her GP about her symptoms. I will try and speak to her again about it though. One of the reasons I feel its important is that when/if she feels ready to try for a baby and faces any difficulty conceiving then it may be easier for her if a possible diagnosis is already there in her medical history. Its very likely she has it as my older sister has PCOS too however she too like me luckily had no fertility or weight problems.

Hissy Good on him/her! Wish they could all be as professional.

Thanks Julia I am slowly getting better. Having dc has definitely helped/is helping me overcome this, not just all the poking and prodding of my lady bits/boobs hanging out whilst breastfeeding, but I know I have to make that appointment to see someone if necessary, as i need to remain healthy and well for my kids. I do however think I will always have a problem with individuals being present, whether male or female, who I feel are there unnecessarily. After the birth of dc1 I had to have many stitches due to an episiotomy. So there I was with legs in the air, everything hanging out on show, and a lovely but awfully chatty doctor and his colleague waltz in to congratulate dh and I. Though I have to say at that moment I couldn't care less about my dignity and self consciousness as I was on a high, drugged up and desperate to hold my baby Grin

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