AIBU in wanting a 10,000% tax on...

[TiggyD]

Fairydust? Stuff petrol and diesel. Cars powered by fairydust should be taxed out of existence. And the owners of them.

That's Netmums' motto.

There is a yellow MG ZR parked outside my sons' school with "powered by bitch dust" written on the back in Disney font.

Osmiornica - I have no idea, actually.

I just sit in front of my trusty old Mr Laptop and it all pours out, like a sort of digital bollocky diarrhoea.

If the Fairys were all that they'd just get on and magic up some more dust.

All talk and no twinkle, that's what I say.

Ah. now you see, TSSDNCOP - this demonstrates a fundamental misunderstanding of the physics of fairy magic.

Just as the house elves at Hogwarts could not produce the feasts/banquets from nothing - they merely transported prepared food via the medium of magic - fairies cannot create dust from zilch.

There is a vast mining industry that produces the base materials (thought to be a specific combination of silicates and metal ores with added extract of dragon semen) - then the fairies themselves have to add the magical element that transforms these uninspiring (and rather smelly) ingredients into the fabulous sparkly twinkly end product.

Many thousands of fairies are killed or maimed every year during the risky process of dragon semen extraction; countless more meet their end due to a variety of respiratory ailments brought on by poor working practices in the mines. It is a scandal of shocking proportions.

Talc I believe you are bamboozled by the fairies claims of the sheer difficulty and perils of production, when in fact there's not unicorn, actual shitloads of it sitting in tankers in the North Sea whilst the conniving fairies play the markets and drive the price up.

TSS - sources please.

It sounds as if you're been reading that fecking rag The Fairy Mail again. All those alarmist stories about elves moving in and taking all the jobs.

You can't have a percentage figure higher than 100%.

Is there anyway the fairies could invest in a manchine like that of the carebear commumity where they make ongainc rainbows

Talc there is absolutely no call to invoke the Fairy Fail is there. We are having an adult debate and it is underhand to resort to insults. This is exactly what the Fairies want. Unrest, finger painting, and toy throwing to distract us from their capitalist greed and sinister plans to take over the world.

I have reported your thread.

And Oxford WTF are you talking about. We are told repeatedly every Saturday by King Lois Guardian of the Wangometer himself that 100 is the very least % anyone can give.

Talc, you are without question the funniest thing on the Internet. Fine work!

Quite, if you are giving something less than 110% you are not really committed.

The 10,000% rate is just a measure of how strongly Tiggy feels about the policy. It Sends A Message.

I tend to view the eyelashes and 'powered by fairy dust' nonsense as a nice clear warning to keep well back because the person driving the car is an idiot seriously lacking in judgement. People would be mortified if anyone told them to put a 'driven by a total fool' warning sticker on their car, but fairy dust stickers are cleverly designed so that the fools self-select and choose to display them. It's like when you tell your toddler that broccoli are tiny trees and they start thinking it's the best thing ever.

They're doing you a favour really.

You can't judge all Fairies by the Fairy Mail and that terrible column by Fairy Princess LittleWings.

There may be stockpiles of Fairydust or it might be hard to make. Either way we need to diversify, and I believe taxing the stuff will encourage people to give petrol a go. We can just suck it out the ground and refine it ourselves with out the need to rely on Fairies.
And don't forget the environmental aspects of Fairydust. It's destroying the Boyzone layer. We don't want our brains to be fried by Boyzone do we?

I'm thinking the tax would work better if it were 10,255%. Should have calculated it better to start with. Sorry.

Personally it's that Felony Millips that I have a problem with - some of the things she comes out with, really...

It's hard to develop alternative forms of energy like petrol though, the vested Fairydust interests have politicians sown up in magic gossamer thread all over the world. Just look at our MPs - if they dare take their snouts out of the trough, the fairies will turn them into pigs and then they'll... Well, you get the idea.

You do realise that the fairy dust is all extracted using bonded labour too. Generations of ghillie dhus have been forced down mines with very poor health and safety records by the fairies. The fairies seem to have been quite good at keeping this quiet.

I have read reports that natural, greener alternatives to fairydust are being explored - such as fairy wind power.

Unfortunately, due to the rather limp, Enid Blyton-esque nature of the average fairy industrialist, this consists of rows of bored fairies sitting cross-legged on toadstools blowing the seeds off dandelion clocks. At peak capacity, output has been measured at around 3 watts, which was enough to make the bulb in Admiral Lord Fairy's porch glow a bit for about fifteen seconds.

Their wave power is not much more inspiring. Armadas of water nymphs floating about on a pond on upturned sycamore leaves, scooping dreamily at the surface with cockleshells.

They're all going to have to toughen up a bit, or their economy is heading for oblivion.

Fairy wind power could work if they ate lots of beans...

Yes pointy. I'm not sure that they have yet harnessed the awesome power of the fairy tradesman's entrance.