to think money

[soooziesheep]

is not worth it. Ive worked hard to get were I am and earn well for my age. But I work SO much, and am at breaking point. I am depressed and I think my hair is starting to fall out. I miss being a SAHM and every day I drag myself the hour commute to work I feel sad. All I think about is how to change my lifestyle so we don't need me to work anymore. Then I panic about missing this lifestyle and the idea of dd growing up where money is tight.

AIBU to think this can't be worth it.

tell me we can adjust. Tell me watching every penny is worth it, to be at home with my little one.

I want another baby but know this would be a hard slog onone wage but I could go back to work in a couple of years instead of missing out so much and being so stressed.

It can be done! Different circumstances for me, but I'm amazed how halving my income by changing my circumstances didn't impact nearly was much as I had feared. Obviously you need to have enough for the basics - mortgage, utilities, insurances, food, entertainment and so on - but if those are covered then the "watching every penny" element can be quite satisfying.

Your child(ren) will see more benefits from their parents budgeting and being wise with money than from limitless funds and a very stressed Mum!

Well you only get one life and it would be such a waste to be stuck in a rut and unhappy.

You don't need people to tell you - you know that having material stuff isn't worth the price of your health and happiness.

You can have it both ways. Make a financial and career plan that allows you to be SAHM for a few years and go for it. Just plan your re-entry to work in ten years or so, so you dont throw away all that you have achieved so far, and do whatever you can to be debt free when you start the career break (apart from mortgage).

having a break is a good thing. Money being tight is no big deal as long as you have no debt.

"All I think about is how to change my lifestyle so we don't need me to work anymore"

Sounds a little selfish, all about you. Presumably you'd be very happy to let your OH quit working too or will he not get a choice?

You could look at going part time or flexible working.

YANBU

My DH and I earn far, far less than most people we know, but I'd say we're happier than most.

But, we are sort of naturally frugal types, we both hate going shopping, aren't into gadgets, stuff like that. If we had to force ourselves to be frugal then maybe we wouldn't be so happy. So I think you need to look at yourself pretty honestly and figure out how much you are willing to give up from what you have now.

What would downsizing entail for you? Would you have to move, for example?

ps have you seen this v funny article about back-to-work blues?

www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-23864719

especially... "That clicking sound isn't from someone else's headphones, it's the rhythmic crushing of your soul. Welcome back, we've missed you."

This may pass and you may get used to it again. But have a little plan, it never hurts to think about these things.

And YY to seeing how your DP feels too, about his own job and about yours dialing down to place more of the financial pressure onto him for a bit.

Well I gave up a £50k a year career to be a SAHM four years ago and we manage, so it can be done, you can adapt, and for me, yes, it's worth it. But it all depends on your personal circumstances doesn't it? You'll need to do a lot of research and calculations and spreadsheets and work out whether it really is feasible or not. Frankly my job gave me depression and a breakdown and leaving saved my health and my sanity. Yes there isn't the money I'd like there to be, but I value the headspace and time with the children a hell of a lot more.

^
Sounds a little selfish, all about you. Presumably you'd be very happy to let your OH quit working too or will he not get a choice?^

It isn't selfish really, because no doubt her OH can see the benefit of his child having a happy mummy around all the time. Plus they would like another child and that isn't something that a man can carry and give birth to, so it makes more sense for it to be mum that gives up work as long as the finances stack up.
I'm a SAHM and my husband benefits from all the cleaning and cooking being done whilst he is at work so he can relax and enjoy the children when he comes home and he also benefits from not stressing if the children are ill or need somebody to attend a school assembly or medical appointment as he knows that I am available to do those things.

I don't see that it has to be a 'one or the other' scenario though. How seriously have you investigated part time or at least more flexible working ? Job share? Or moving to another job that perhaps doesn't have the commute or such long hours ?
I know some jobs are more open to this than others, but I've worked 3/5 of a week for years, and find it a great balance.

I would definitely go back 2-3days a week but due to my line of work this has to be at a certain time, which I calculate to be the end of 2015. I can't really explain this properly without possibly outing myself as I had a similar convo with some mums earlier.

Dh Has been actively asking and encouraging me to stop working so hard for months, seeing how fast I am deteriorating as a person. It's taken some friends to pull me aside and have words to see how bad things have got. Clearly my unhappiness isn't quite as inwardly kept as I thought! Perhaps I am selfish, but honestly I've never been as happy as I was when I was on mat leave with my dd. I also love my job but was silly to take on so much. It wouldn't be a case of all or nothing. I hope to go PT. fall preg and be off for a few years until pfb is properly in school.

We wouldn't need to move, the financial implications would simply mean no savings or abroad holidays and being really careful monthly, I.e much less play money.

So why not test it out by saving the money you earn (minus commuting costs etc) and see how it goes? Just pretend that money doesn't exist.

If you are still happy with no holidays, no savings, no treats etc. then go for it.

I finish In an hour, the idea of doing it all over again tomorrow is so horribly depressing.