Back story to avoid drip feeding:
DN is PIL's first grandchild, closely followed by DD who is a few weeks younger. DD and DN adore one another and are best friends (although they also have their moments where they fight like siblings!). They are like chalk and cheese though. DN is very dainty and girly, she is more cautious than my DD and very much 'a thinker'. My DD is a tomboy and a bit of a whirlwind in comparison. The one thing that they both have in common is that they are lovely, happy and caring children. SIL (PILs daughter) and I have a very good relationship. We come at parenting slightly differently but that has never caused us any issues. She is a brilliant mum and a wonderful auntie to my DD. MIL treats DD and DN equally. She never buys one without the other and is happiest when she has both of her grand daughters running around. The issue is FIL.
I feel that FIL favours my DD and it is starting to become really noticeable. Any time that they are together, my DD seems to get all of the attention. We were all together yesterday and as soon as we arrived the girls screamed with joy at seeing one another. FIL scooped DD up and took her out side to play without taking DN. DN wanted to go and was told no because she didnt have her shoes on. She got upset so SIL put her shoes on and she went running after DD and FIL. Whilst out there DN wanted FIL to pick her up and was told no. Yet DD was carried around. When DD went off to do something else FIL picked DN up, but as soon as DD wanted to be picked up FIL put DN down and turned his attention to DD. This happens regularly and is starting to get my back up a bit. DN wants to do something and it is 'no'. DD wants to do the same thing and she is allowed. FIL also seems to have a much shorter temper with DN than he does with DD. DD can be a bit naughty and will sometimes take something away from DN causing her to scream. When it first happened, MIL and SIL would both immediately tell DN off until I pointed out that it was DD being a bit of a bugger and now they both will check that DD hasn't caused DN to kick off before sorting the issue out. FIL, however, always blames DN.
I know this doesn't seem like a massive thing and I thought it might just be me being a bit over-sensitive. However, my mum mentioned that she thought that FIL seemed to favour DD at a family party recently and yesterday, after FIL had snapped at DN for simply wanting his attention, SIL went very quiet and seemed upset and I cant help but worry that she has noticed too. Id be surprised if she hadnt to be honest. I have spoken to my husband and he thinks that it is just because PIL see DN every other day and only see DD once or twice a week. However, I disagree because MIL doesn't behave like this. I do not want my DD to be 'ther favourite'. I was my grandmother's 'favourite' and I hated it. Also, my DN is a wonderful little girl and doesn't deserve to ever feel second best. I want to address this and any advice would be greatly appreciated. Sorry it is so long!