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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend suddenly stops replying to texts and calls.

20 replies

Babybunny88 · 01/09/2013 12:13

This friend and I have been friends for about seven years and have been through thick and thin together. I know she is going through hard times at the min with her partner and money as she confides on me all the time about this (she is also pregnant and has two other DDS)

I haven't heard from her in nearly 2 weeks and I have sent several texts and made phone calls which haven't been responded to. She lives 5 mins from me and I am tempted to pop up and see if she is ok as I am a bit worried about her. But don't want to be intruding on her.

I'm assuming that of something has happened her mum would let me know. I can't think of any reason why she would just suddenly stop contacting me and ignore my calls and texts. Just want to know she is ok.

WWYD?

OP posts:

Katz · 01/09/2013 12:15

I'd pop round she may have broken her phone and lost all her contacts.

Lweji · 01/09/2013 12:17

Yes, do pop up or contact her mum.

It may just be that she lost her phone, or it could be something more serious.

Pancakeflipper · 01/09/2013 12:20

Another one who would pop round.

comedycentral · 01/09/2013 14:04

Pop round with cake!

Solo · 01/09/2013 14:07

Yes, go check on her. She may be in need of a friend to 'just pop in' right now.

SkinnybitchWannabe · 01/09/2013 14:09

I agree, pop round (with cake) and see her.

Silverb1rch · 01/09/2013 15:23

I wouldn't pop round. I did this to someone about a year ago because I didn't want to be friends with her anymore (boring backstory - not just because I was being mean)... The more she called just caused more irritation. If she wanted to get in touch, she would.

LimitedEditionLady · 01/09/2013 16:40

She might be just feeling fed up and want a bit of space.She hasnt answered because she doesnt want to.Sounds mean but I can understand that sometimes people just want to be left alone.If i ignored my phone and you appeated at the door Id probably be more annoyed.To me being a good friend would be leaving it a week and text and just say something like " hi just wondered if you wana have a brew together when youre free,dont worry if youre busy just let me know when you can be nice to have a catch up,hope youre all ok x"
No pressure there then.

MrsWilberforce · 01/09/2013 16:44

I think after such a long and close friendship I would want to know what the problem was. If you turn up and she makes it clear she doesn't want to see you then at least you will have had it directly from her.

Lweji · 01/09/2013 16:52

After a long friendship, if I had annoyed a friend, I'd want to know what I had done to apologise or explain myself.

If she had problems or just lost her phone, she might appreciate it.

If she just wants to stop being your friend, at least you know and will stop worrying.

dirtyface · 01/09/2013 18:22

hmmm bit strange

i'd probably nip round

ClangerOnaComeDown · 01/09/2013 18:30

I would pop around. Test the water so to speak. She might be having a shit old time and in a bit of a mind trap.

2rebecca · 01/09/2013 18:33

If I'd only tried one phone number I'd pop round. If I'd tried two I'd give her space as it's more likely then she's either away or avoiding me.

Mabelface · 01/09/2013 18:34

She might just have no credit.

appletarts · 01/09/2013 19:29

Pop a note in the door. That way if she's avoiding you she can continue to.

Turniptwirl · 01/09/2013 19:42

I really, really hate people who do this.

Especially one friend was generally awful at replying to me, but when I saw her she would be glued to her phone replying to other people instantly.

We're not friends anymore. Last time we spoke she uninvited me from visiting her (after we had agreed dates, fortunately before I booked anything), I sent a remarkably nice message in response but have heard nothing for over 6 months. Very sad as she was a very good friend but I've realised I don't need people like that in my life.

Mia4 · 01/09/2013 19:59

Why don't you send her a text or leave voicmail saying 'Hi X, een very worried I haven't heard from you. Am hoping everything is okay but just thinking about popping by to see you. Could you just text and let me know you're okay if you don't want me to.'

That way if she's just overwhelmed, she'll text and if she's distancing then hopefully she'll say 'alls fine'.

waltzingmathilda · 01/09/2013 20:18

Perhaps she needs space from all influences in her life to process things at her own pace?

SparkleToffee · 01/09/2013 20:26

I had this about a year ago snd I sent an email saying I was worried I had done something to upset her..... Turned out she had lost phone , DD had been ill, busy trying to work etc snd all was fine. I personally would just do something like pop in on way back from shops to say hi...... Not sure ehy anyone would be annoyed at a good friend popping in !

greenbananas · 01/09/2013 20:39

Pop round!

she might have lost her phone. Our something might have happened. When people are depressed they sometimes don't feel confident to contact even their closest friends.

Ihave known how depression can lead to social isolation... Some years ago, my sister called me to say that she didn't want to see me any more, and said some hateful things which knocked my confidence completely. Icried every day for about ayear, and started to wonder if anybody really wanted to spend time with me. BUT I have a friend down the road who kept on popping round, and I honestly think she saved my sanity. I never made arrangements with her - Ididn't have the confidence to think that Icould invite anyone to see me - but she always included me in things, and turned up on the doorstep with her children quite regularly. Now I am back to normal (and much stronger without my sister in my life!) with a lovely group of friends who all support each other, and I will never forget what my wonderful friend did for me.

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