AIBU to be upset with my sister and cut my nose off to spite my face?!?!?!

[Plumster]

I have 2 sisters, a brother and a mum with dementia.... Mum has carers and goes to day centres etc but we have a rota between the 4 of us as to who visits when at the weekends. This is partly to cut down on cost of carers and also as 3 of us would turn up on a Saturday and then no-one would visit on a Sunday (or vice versa). Whoever goes in on the Saturday does any shopping that mum might need. One of my sister's organises the rota, the other does mum's finances, my brother doesn't do much but does visit more often as he is closest and I pretty much do everything else (carers, day centres etc)
Today we were supposed to be going to a family party (about a 2 hour drive for me). I said I would take mum as my sisters arranged to go up yesterday and stay in a hotel. I said to (rota) sister would she be able to visit mum yesterday as it was her turn and that if she couldn't I would go. she said she would as they weren't leaving until late afternoon. I asked her to pick out an outfit for mum to put on so that I would have to faff about in the morning. she said she would.
I rang sister yesterday evening to find out what outfit she had got out for mum so that I would know mum was wearing right clothes (she will wear same thing for a week if not prompted). Sister said that she hadn't been as they left early.

I am so furious with her I am now not going to party as I don't want to create an atmosphere for my cousin. Also, I will need to do the shopping my sister should have done yesterday. My daughter is in tears as she really wanted to go and I know I am cutting my nose off but I am so pissed off with her right now. This is not the first time she has let me/my mum down. I sent her a really stroppy text but so far she is ignoring me which is winding me up even more......
Sorry to rant!

You should go to the party and deal with your sister at another time, you'll regret not going and your dd is upset.

Put on your best fake party face ,smile and plot how you're going to deal with her afterwards.

YANBU to be upset with your sister, but YABU to not go to the party.

Would your sister have had another plan to get your mum her shopping if she was supposed to do it yesterday and couldn't?

I understand how frustrated you can get with sisters... no-one can wind me up more than mine and I often feel like I'd happily cut my nose off to spite my face at times where she's involved. But you not going is going to have an impact on a number of people and it's not fair on them. Don't take your anger on your sister or on everybody else. Apart from anything else, she will really look like she had the upper hand if you don't turn up.

Go. Stick a happy smile on your face. Focus on your mum and your DD.

Tell your sister you'll talk about it later.

It sounds like you have a very complicated situation worked out pretty well between your brothers and sisters. Do you really want to jeopardise the balance? Sending an angry stropping text is no way of dealing with this situation, although we can all understand how tempting that would be. Have you asked her why she couldn't go? Maybe there was a good reason. You may want the whole thing to run to a very high standard but perhaps others cannot achieve this, particularly if they have other stuff on their plate.

Hmm..it's something and nothing, but I think you'd be ridiculous to boycott the party. Grow up.

Pewrsonally I would have paid cares in that situation so that you know they have been in & can properly bollock them if they haven't done what they were supposed to!