to give up on "friend"

[PrincessScrumpy]

Dtds had a party for their 2nd birthday - it was in a local hall with bouncy castle (kind of dh and I celebrating surviving 2 years with twins and older dc) there were 25dc present and 1 family text half an hour before saying she couldn't make it, to which dh replied "told you". I'm so disappointed in this friend but I cannot be bothered with her anymore.

When I write the invite list I nearly didn't invite her as she always backs out at the last minute (not just for me). We were good friends for a year and had regular contact but this last year she's had lots of dramas - dc always ill, or she's ill - which I was sympathetic about but now it just seems she's over protective (baby has slightly runny pop - baby is severely dehydrated - but she's not Justin.) She constantly complains gp won't take her seriously but she's there for every rash, cough, etc.
Anyway her reply to invite was "I'll try to get there" wtf? If everyone said that I'd i've no clue how many to cater for and buy party bags for. Obviously DC get ill and cancel on the day but I was annoyed by her reply as it always feels like an excuse/get out in case something better comes up.

Aibu - feels like I'm being complete cow but just feels too high maintenance and tbh all a bit weird.

Not Justin, should be iyswim!
Her reason for but coming - couldn't get there (but she's in walking distance and if she'd text earlier she knows we would have picked her and her 2DC up

Is she struggling? Practically or emotionally?

Sounds like your friend suffers with anxiety. Maybe she's not comfortable with big social gatherings.
You had 25 other children there and presumably quite a lot of adults too. I can't really see why you're so botherered about her no show.

I think she is struggling and wanted to help. I know she had severe pnd after dd1 and she's adamant she's not got it this time but I think she might. My offers of help are always turned down - possibly she doesn't like the fact she's struggling with 2dc and I have 3 and feels uncomfortable that I'm coping. Although that feels really arrogant in my part.
I have drifted apart from friends before but this is more of a decision and I thought we'd be friends for a while. Perhaps she's phasing me out? Don't know but her fb posts are full of who is ill - maybe I'm lucky to have fairly healthy dc our I'm harsh mummy who gives calpol and keeps going.

Her no show was expected and I nearly didn't do her dc party bags but did in case she surprised me and came. I'm more upset about it feeling like the final nail in the coffin. She didn't know how many were coming - tbh it surprised me as someone mentioned it at toddler group so I had texts 3 days before from people I hadn't invited checking day and time. I let them come as venue could take it.

I am surprised that while you say you think she has pnd, you can't cut her any slack.

If you don't want to be friends with her anymore, then don't be, but if you do then you might need to accept she won't come to gatherings and see her alone until she comes out the other side.

I'm not surprised to hear she had bad PND with her eldest. I asked if she was struggling as I used to not be able to face things at the last minute when I had depression. I still suffer with anxiety now and DS turns 9 soon, it still sometimes stops me in my tracks.

It seems to me you are taking this as a decision she is making based personally on you, when it is the opposite, her not making it to things at the last minute is about what's going on for her.

As for the illness thing. Some kids get every little bug going. Some kids are floored or whiny or clingy when ill and some aren't. Some kids never get sick. Some kids do but are still happy and ok with a bit of calpol. Don't know which groups your friends dc fall into but as their mum she knows them best and knows when it's not worth dragging them out I reckon.

I think if you can't cut her some slack then move on from the friendship. She could do with a good friend from the sound of things.

You could have been talking about a friend of mine. I cope with it now by just carrying on with whatever I would have done anyway - I don't arrange anything special when I'm supposed to see her as 9 times out of 10 she cancels at the last minute. That way I don't feel I've missed out if she doesn't show. It is infuriating though...

It does sound like she's struggling, and maybe dealing with anxiety issues too