to be disappointed that my 4 year old doesn't want piano lessons

[evalluna]

Both my partner and I are musical, I played in orchestras throughout school and university and a bit beyond, though have let it slide since having children. My partner plays several instruments and has played in loads of different ensembles. We have a piano which we both (again mainly pre-kids) enjoyed playing though not to a great standard. We have always been keen for our kids to learn though (I have always regretted not having piano lessons as we didn't have a piano when I was growing up.) My partner was keen for them to learn by the suzuki method, so yesterday we took our daughter to meet a suzuki teacher, who was lovely (and our daughter actually went to sit next to when asked which is unusual as she is usually shy with unknown adults). However, when the teacher tried to do a few clapping games with her she wasn't interested and started being silly, and when she asked her if she wanted to learn to play the piano she said no. Understandably the teacher didn't want to take on a young child who didn't want to learn and suggester we leave it a while.

I am a bit disappointed, partly as I am probably projecting my own wish to have learned young on to her and feel it is wasting an opportunity. Also, I think she does have a fair bit of musical ability - she has always loved music and has had a very in-tune singing voice from an early age. My partner feels we have somehow failed not to have instigated in her a desperate desire to learn the piano. However, personality wise she has always been a mixture of extremely stubborn and quite anxious in new situations and has never been one for doing something she doesn't want to do. I wonder if she is just not ready - similarly for a long time she refused to write her name when asked even though she could but now is happy to do so. And although she has known her letters for a long time she has only recently wanted to attempt to put them together to read (she is about to start reception) and it was pointless trying to get her to do this before.

We have got a book called Lulus piano lesson which we have been reading with her and she likes, and my partner has done a bit with her, teaching her where the notes are, which she knows. When i ask why she doesn't want to learn she says 'because I already know' (ie can bash about a bit!)

I don't want to push it, but want to try to develop things so she might be ready for lessons at some point. Has anyone had similar experience/ got any advice? Thanks.

[MatchsticksForMyEyes]

I didn't start any instrumental lessons until I was 7. I went on to achieve Grade 8 in piano and violin and a 2:1 music degree, specialising in performance. Don't push her. My dc show interest, but other than toddler music classes for ds (3), I don't do anything other than play them a ride variety of music.

[SilverApples]

I play the clarsach, it's brilliant! (Not me, the instrument)
Doesn't hurt your fingers as much as playing a guitar either, and the sound is always lovely if you keep it in tune. Unlike the violin.

[LiegeAndLief]

I started plaing the piano when I was 10. I had lessons all through school, taught myself to play other instruments, learned to sing in tune, played for fun by myself and as a band or just with other people, still play now 25 years on for my own enjoyment, although not so often now with dc! Music has been a big part of my life and I don't feel I missed out or am a worse player for not starting lessons when I was 4.

It's not too late for your daughter and won't be for a long time. Better she comes to it by choice than is forced and loses interest or resents it.

[LiegeAndLief]

By the way, as a tool for social gathering, i think the piano is a terrible instrument unless you happen to have one with you! It's why I taught myself something else...

[OhDearNigel]

I started learning the piano at around this age. Why don't you encourage her playing on your piano at home and see where you go from there

[furfoxsake]

I started at 5. I had to beg my parents for lessons, my mum said I wouldn't stick it so it wasn't worth it...
That's reverse psychology for you - my wise old Ma.

[Jinsei]

Yanbu to be a bit disappointed, you can't help how you feel. But that's where it should stop. Your dd is an individual in her own right, and at the moment, she isn't interested. Respect that. She might change her mind when she is older...or she might not. There is no point in pushing it either way.

I'd have loved my dd to learn an instrument, and I think she'd have got a lot out of it. However, she isn't interested, so that's that. It's my job to support her in the things that she is interested in, not to push her towards the things that I wish I'd done myself.

[Blissx]

Please don't force it on your little one. My mother was a music teacher and also a Piano peripertetic teacher and made me and my brother and sister learn music from about 2 upwards. We hated being made to. As my brother and sister were older, they got to 'give up' sooner but I wasn't as in my mother's words,'you are my last chance'. She also used to say we didn't know how lucky we were as she did not have the opportunity to learn music at a young age.
We all learnt using the Suzuki method (each of us did cello or violin as well as piano) and it is so full of pushy middle to upper class parents that all of us kids were pushed into who can progress up to the next book quickest? Who gets the orchestra solo? Who had the better concert outfit (not sure if it is still the same, but we all had to have dresses made out of the same god awful material) and of course the summer camps at Dartington and Benedon were all about competition. It isn't what it was supposed to be about but that is mine and some of my peers' experience about it.
It got to the point that I achieved a pass in Grade 8 piano at 17 afterngiving up the cello at 13 and immediately refused to play anymore, to the point that I have no interest anything to do with music now. I'm sure that is not what my mother was aiming for.

If your DD wants to learn an instrument, I am sure she will ask. Until then, pushing her into it will backfire on your intentions.

[Whathaveiforgottentoday]

Leave it a few years, it would be better if it was her decision to want to learn. I'd like my dd1 to start but she's only really interested in the drums!

[OhDearNigel]

Your girl said "no" when asked if she wanted to play the piano. This is your cue she is not ready, not your cue to find different ways of disrespecting her stance!

What rubbish. Plenty of children will say that they don't want to do something new, then absolutely love it when they are firced to give it a try. My daughter being an excellent example, she wouldn't swim or trampoline - both activities she absolutely loves now she has got over her confidence.
Lots of children would never do anything if their parents didn't "disrespect their stance"

[pigletmania]

If your dd does not like the piano than do not force her to, there are others i am sure that she could play. As you said she is too young to play any other orchestral instrument, so mabey that is your cue to wait until she is older. As you are aware you cannot live your wishes through your dd, your dd may not like or be competant at the piano

[EauRouge]

Everyone in my family plays an orchestral instrument and I was forced into it. I always hated it though and resented every moment of playing and practising. Now I play bass in a rock band and I'm bloody good at it.

Let her find her own way. I can also play the piano and yes, it's been useful, but I never enjoyed it. If you don't enjoy an instrument then you'll never be motivated to practice and will never keep it up.

My DD1 is 4 and loves strumming away on the ukulele. It sounds terrible but she's enjoying herself and that's how you find a passion for things in life.

[Jinsei]

What rubbish. Plenty of children will say that they don't want to do something new, then absolutely love it when they are firced to give it a try. My daughter being an excellent example, she wouldn't swim or trampoline - both activities she absolutely loves now she has got over her confidence.
Lots of children would never do anything if their parents didn't "disrespect their stance"

I agree that children should be encouraged to give things a try, but how far should you push it? This little girl went to a lesson, and told her mum that she wasn't interested. How many lessons do you think she should be forced to attend before her stance should be respected?

[monkeycat]

How about seeing if there are any musical play classes in your area ?

My DD went to a Saturday morning class for pre-school , P1 and P2 to do musicianship (through play) which used the Kodaly method . She really enjoyed it and learned the foundations of music before she moved onto singing in the choir and learning an instrument .

This particular music school only allowed the children to learn an instrument once they were in P3 (age 6/7) and they made good progress because of both their age and their knowlwdge of the basics already. All of the other weekend music schools in our area seem to follow a similar method .

You may also find children's classes using the Dalcroze method which I believe is similar , but not the same as, Kodaly .

My DD is now aged 8 1/2 and has just had her first piano lesson . For her , this is the right time to start , since she is now confident in her musicianship and can pick up the basics of playing the piano fairly quickly and enjoyably .

HTH

[showtunesgirl]

OP, are you sure that Suzuki is a gentle method? From everything I've read about it, it ramps up to be extremely demanding both on the pupil AND parent.

My DH and I are also musical and would love DD to be musical too but if it turns out she has no interest, then that's fine as she is after all not us! Just let her find her own way.

[evalluna]

Just to clarify we did not take her to a lesson - we took her for a preliminary chat!
Thanks there ia some really useful advice here - I probably need to be less focused on music as a hobby and let her develop her interests at her own pace.

[BanjoPlayingTiger]

Hi OP, you will find that people will call you pushy because you want your child to do music, yet if you put the same effort into a sport people generally don't have an issue with it. Before anyone takes issue with me for saying this, it is my experience.

Could you show your daughter some good female pianists on youtube or similar often they play in lovely pretty dresses and so might help her want to start to play. I showed my daughter some bits of music, and took her to her first classical concert aged 7. She watched, entranced, throughout and then at the interval proclaimed that one day she would be the lady in the beautiful dress playing the solo.

My daughter did ballet at the same age your daughter is now, and I also took her to a music class where she learnt to read music and play the recorder. She progressed from there to the piano, and now plays both piano and French Horn. She is about to start at a specialist music school and cannot wait.

Good luck with it all, but do be prepared that your dd may not wish to do music - she may have other talents entirely.,

[Dobbiesmum]

Letting her listen to music is the best way to encourage her I think. Obviously I don't know where you are but a quick Google of children concerts in Manchester showed me that the Halle orchestra do children's concerts on Sunday afternoons and there is a a christmas themed one in December. There may be something similar near you?
www.halle.co.uk/family-concerts.aspx
Don't forget that she will get the opportunity soon enough to learn in school, this may be enough for her but it might just inspire her to want more. That's when you can step in.

[Jinty64]

We are a musical family. I took both ds1 and ds2 to a pre school music group based on the kodaly method. They were both offered violin in school at 8 and are now grade 8 and 6 and play in several orchestras. Ds3 (7) has grown up listening to his brothers play and will start piano lessons in the next few months. His concentration has not been good enough until now. Ds2's violin teacher didn't start playing until she was 10 and was grade 8 at 12!

I don't know where you live but many cities have violin and cello babies for pre school children. She may like the idea of that better. I would have liked to do this with ds3 as he is desperate for a violin but we don't have one locally. I hope he will be offered one in school next year.

[StyleManual]

Agree with Banjo about the pretty dresses - I started learning the violin based purely on the soloist at a concert being a pretty blonde girl!

[Numberlock]

www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/fastshow/characters/competitive_dad.shtml

[pianodoodle]

I started piano aged 4 and will happily take on a four year old for lessons if they are able to sit and listen etc... and show the interest.

Not all are ready though It's no big deal just keep them into music in a more informal way for a while and try lessons again in a year or two by which stage they may take to it better :)

[Jinty64]

banjoPlayingTiger how right you are. I get a letter home from school at least weekly promoting some new sports class but if I ask about music provision it is all down to cost and lack of available funds.